If I was performing at the Republican National Convention in Tampa this would be my opening bit:
I'd come onstage with my band (appropriately named "Taylor Carr and the Elephants", or "Taylor Carr and the Bald Eagles", or "Taylor Carr and the Freedom Screamers", or "Carrs & Stripes", maybe, if I got one or more of my siblings involved with the project) and introduce each band member (we're a very tight knit five piece, drums, lead guitar/vocals, rhythm guitar/backing vocals, saxophone, keyboard, no fluff), and you'd better believe we'd all look fucking immaculate in our dumb matching outfits. After a brief somber prayer for America, I'd announce the name of our opening song, "Please Stop Emailing Me Ron Paul, 2007 Was A Weird Time For My Personal Politics, And Even Though I've Been Unsubscribed To Your Mailing List And Your Zany Political Idealism For Something Like Four Years I Still Get Like Ten Messages From You And Other Tea Party Nutbags Like You, And Even Seeing The Titles Of Some Of Them Before I Immediately Scuttle Them Into The Trash Is Enough To Really Freak Me Out About How Insane So Many People In This Country Must Be, So Please, I Beg Of You, Remove My Junk Mail account, [email protected], From Any And All Mailing Lists Please". Then, who knows, probably like a half hour of covers. More than likely a lot of Tom Petty and the Eagles. Honestly, if by some miracle I had the presence to perform there, I'd probably just take it a step too far and try to get someone with sone kind of a gigantic pushing machine to lock all the doors and push the Tampa Convention Center into the ocean. You'd be welcome, humanity.