Sep 23, 2017
This has been a really tough week mentally.
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This has been a really tough week mentally.
It's been a really tough week mentally.
I just passed a homeless guy in the street and there's just so many around this part of the city. But as I'm speed walking by I slowed hearing him play a gospel song from a radio". I turned back toward him to give him something. It made me think--he has so little yet he trusts God who's watching over him right now, protecting him, causing people like me to turn back to give him something for a meal. Who am I to ever doubt what God can do for me.
I wish I was less awkward. And that anxiety didnt creep up on me so much as it is right now my goodness it's overwhelming. The workday is almost over though. 45 mins and I'l lleave and forget it all. 45 mins oh my goodness I'm gonna drown myself in music. It's been a better mental health though I'll say that. (:
It's a bit chilly out tonight.. the air smells of Popeyes chicken and fries. I'm a bit of a ways away from that place I call "home". Really just my place of residence until I move to somewhere else. Don't know how much longer I can live there. A walk became a bus ridr became a train ride. I almost went to the city. It's 11:19pm now. I have work early in the morning. I can't be late. I'm sleepy.
Today so far is a better day than yesterday. Not mentally exhausted, though by body is yearning for my bed. But I think it's ginna be a decent day. One day at a time.
His family treats me like family, but why do I feel so weird? It's like if anyone tries to get too close to me I become mentally and emotionally defensive. And I've been noticing that in my relationship...which is making me doubt. Perhaps I'm too guarded and I can't ever let these walls down. Or maybe I just want my family to be the same and accepting on all aspects. Perhaps I fear how he would be treated by my family and have closes off the possibility of anything more serious than we have now. Either way my perspective is screwing with me, and I feel like I'm sloy sabotaging my own relationship. I need to fix this. But how?....
I wasn't going to go to church today... I'm glad I did.