#friendsornot

[gigi-chococat]

go listen to zeph's 'friends or not' this is a threat.

[crochetbykarin]

Are you looking into my eyes? #conflict #friendsornot http://ow.ly/qdxW30czzMd #bestiesnomore #notbffs #crochet #Poetry #poem #fiberart #yarn

[queenbethbdb]

Friends or Not

written by @Warrior_MD and @TenaciousDoctor 

Jane:  *If ever there was a night I needed more strength than I could muster, it was tonight.  The brothers ran into trouble out in the field and we had multiple casualties.  Huge bodies rushed up and down the tunnels.  Loud, booming voices ringing out and Vishous and Butch shouting orders from one end of the med wing to the other.  

Manny kicked into action as expected from a surgeon of his stature.  He’d been avoiding me the past few days, and he had been extra irritable and aggravated.  His determination to leave the compound, amplified by my rejection and the belief that there was nothing here for him.  Between Manny, Vishous, Butch and myself we organized everyone into medical rooms for examination and had Qhuinn rushed into the theatre.  His injuries were life threatening and Manny and I both attended to him before moving on to the rest.  Vishous and Ehlena worked through some of the other patients who only needed stitching.  Most of the injuries were bullet grazes and non lethal lacerations.

After 7 hours of non stop action, the tunnels finally emptied out as patients were released and could return to their rooms with their loved ones.  Ehlena and a doggen went from room to room, cleaning bloodied clothes and bandages.  Vishous and Butch returned to the Pit and that left Manny and I face to face in Qhuinn’s recovery room.  Awkward silence created a thick atmosphere until I sighed and spoke up*

We need to talk about everything that’s happened.

Manny:

*It had been yet another bloody mess out in the fields and in the Brotherhood clinic. A mess I was expected to help clean up together with Jane of course. The arrogance from these bastards never ended, they just kept on taking and taking without ever giving shit back, it pissed me off to the point where I wanted to use a dinner fork and carve out their hearts. I felt more so now than ever since my life didn’t feel like my own anymore. The worst thing about it all was, I acted like some goddamn pussy and just keep taking their shit never doing anything to change my situation. I was tired and annoyed, too tired to deal with any of it right this second but I was going to before I was sucked into their lives for good. I poured the remaining equipment, with no regards of the sound it made falling, into the sink or the damage in doing so it did to the equipment itself. Who gave a flying fuck. Hopefully, something would break or bend and next time it would accidentally kill one of them. With my luck, though, that would never happen. But seriously I was going to have to come up with a way to get out and get past that damn doggen and return to my world before I went mad. I could hear Jane pacing, or something like it, behind me. She was lingering behind waiting for everyone else to leave. Well, wonderful, now I had to deal with her too, not something I had any particular interest in doing. When I said I was done with them that included her. I snorted at her words and to stay occupied I started to pour water into the sink as loudly as I could if no other reason than to turn the sound of her voice out. As I stood there brooding I decided I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of me, at least not more than she already gotten. I stood silently cleaning the equipment as the minutes ticked by. “If you are waiting for an engraved invitation you’ll be standing there a long time.”

Jane:  *Manny’s reaction didn’t surprise me.  I was expecting hostility when we weren’t working together on patients.  What I wasn’t expecting is the way it stung.  True, Manny had been a complete asshole since he got here and he hated being here, but that hatred was never aimed at me, until now.  I deserved it, I knew that much, but what was I supposed to do?  Choose him and have a life of regrets and annoyance because I’m not completely happy?  How would that serve us any purpose… we would have both been miserable in the end.

The light coming from the tunnels broke through the open door, prompting me to walk over and close it.  Qhuinn was knocked out cold on the bed and he would be that way for at least another 2 hours.  This room was as private as could be around these parts.  Green eyes scanned around the room.  There was a rolling stool next to the bed and a high back chair in the corner.  I needed to sit.  I felt dead on my feet, but this conversation had to be done with.  It was long overdue.  Walking over to the high back chair, I lowered myself in it and focussed on staying corporeal*

Manny, I know things didn’t go the way we wanted them to go.  Shit, I know you probably hate me right now, but I’m not sorry for choosing the best future for both of us.  I would rather have you angry with me now, than end up hating me later when we were both miserable and longing for an escape that never materialized.  

Manny: *Just hearing her voice made me want to scream. I was so tired of listening to her constant excuses I could have combusted right there on sight. Everything was just lies nothing worth mentioning that been said between us was anything but bullshit, lying to me about being dead, lying about Vishous, lying about what they were, lying about me just being here temporary, lying about fucking someone else and why; hell everything was a lie, there was nothing really there, to begin with… so why was I even surprised? “Well, I’m so relieved now. Thank you for explaining all this to me, Jane, and for being so selfless and sacrificing everything to spare me. How can I /ever/ repay you for your kindness!” I put the rest of the clean equipment down to dry, pulling the plug for the water and watched it swirl down the drain. “As for hating you… please don’t flatter yourself.” Murhder’s words: It will be like you never existed, echoed through my head. At least he and I could agree on something. I turn around drying my hands on a towel and looked straight at her “So, are we done here or was there anything else.”*

Jane:  *Ouch… I half expected backlash, but it it took me a few seconds to think and let the words sink in.  I did this to him.  I caused this anger and hatred in his life.  I broke his heart when he thought I was dead, and everytime he gathered the pieces up and started putting his life together, I was there to rip it all apart.  And each time the pieces broke into smaller bits, making it harder to put back together.  I was the cause of so much pain in his life and I didn’t know how to fix this.  I expected him to be okay and move on, but he was not okay.  We were not okay.

It was bad enough having ruined Manny’s life, but having both Manny and Murh angry with me didn’t sit well, but they both needed time to get on with their lives and find someone who would be the “right” one.  

I didn’t get up.  I didn’t trust my legs to play the game if I stood up now.  Instead I crossed my legs at the ankles and took a deep breath before replying*

No, we aren’t done.  I get that you’re angry. I wish I could change how things turned out, but I can’t and if I could turn back time, I would do the same thing.  As for you stewing on this anger… It’s not healthy and you know it.  I want us to get to a place where we can at least talk about all this in a civilized manner.  You’re holding a grudge and I won’t have that. When Murh came into our lives, you knew this could go either way.  I knew that too.  What I didn’t know until I had to make the choice, was that neither of you were part of my future.  I don’t know what my future holds, just as you don’t know what your future holds.  I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. For now, I want us to resolve the awkwardness between us.

Manny: *”Jane stop psychoanalysing me like you give a shit. I’m not interested in hearing it! You know nothing about me or what I am. All I hear from you is me, me, me! It’s all about you, what you wanted, what you didn’t feel, didn’t know you wanted.” I threw the towel on the counter trying to reel in my anger. “I didn’t want to be here remember. I still don’t. You stripped me of my freedom, my life, my job…” I stop mid-sentence. “You know what the fuck ever, I’m done. Fine, we are friends. I forgive you. It is all good. Now, since this is all about what you want, you can go back to not feeling guilty or whatever it is that has your underwear in a twist so badly you feel like you have to humiliate me further. Really what else is it there for you to take from me? Tell me because I don’t get it! You wanted to be unattached, you’re unattached, go wild. I don’t care. What else do you want from me!?” I yell at her slamming one of the cabinet doors closed simply because it’s there and I had to get my annoyance out on something. I know what she was after and the stupid thing was that still after all the shit she put me through I’d give it to her if I could. That made me even more pissed that I was such a fucking loser. “You want things between us back to the way they were. I want my life back as it was before this godforsaken place. I guess we’re both shit out of luck.”*

Jane:  *I could feel myself on the brink of tears and I knew I was stronger than this, but the long night and grueling schedule weakened me.  Every word Manny spoke was out of anger, but it was also true.  I did this for me.  I was selfish and I hurt two people with one selfish action. What was even worse… I would do it all over again and make the same choice, and that was what made all the difference.  I did this for me.  

Taking a few deep breaths, not trusting my voice not to break, I replied as steady as possible*  

You’re right, and you’re not ready for us to have this conversation.  I want all this to blow over and it isn’t fair to you.  I hurt you and there isn’t anything I can do to change that. I’m sorry.  

*Lacing my fingers together in my lap, I looked down and took another deep breath forcing myself to blink away tears that threatened to spill over my lashes. Manny turned back around to keep himself busy and that gave me the few minutes I needed to pull myself together.  I could feel the guilt because I was guilty as charged, and my heart ached for more reasons than this.  Manny was a good man.  He deserved so much better than what life and I had thrown at him.  This wasn’t fair to him, and I made everything worse.  Right now he needed the space to deal with things, and I would talk to Wrath about getting him integrated back into his old life.  That was the least I could do to help him.  When I spoke up again, my voice was steadier*

I’ll stay with him.  You can go.  I’ll call you if I need you.

Manny: *I knew I hurt her. I hated myself for doing it but it was like I was two people and the good version of myself was off sniffling in some damn corner causing my other self to get more angry and pissed, which in return caused me to behave like a caged animal and lash out. It was hard to look at Jane and feel like she still cared, some part of me knew she did but I felt ridiculed and toyed with and there were honestly moments when I wonder what the hell I did to deserve it, all of it not just Jane’s indecisiveness but all of it. Most days I woke-up forcing myself to feel nothing but numbness, detaching myself from all of it. I was done trying and putting in effort in my work or in people. It worked ok until it didn’t and then there were days like this where I wanted to tear someone’s head off. I fiddled with the instruments laying on the counter, they were now dry so I put them back in their rightful place giving Jane a moment to collect herself as well as myself. I think maybe I was ready to cry myself if for no other reason than getting rid of some pent-up emotions but I knew I wouldn’t. I would never allow myself to do so and my next promise was to never allow another person to ever get that close to me again. Ever! I didn’t turn around as she spoke instead I just nodded without looking at her. I reached out for the door but stopped before going through it. I held on to the door with one hand standing there contemplating what to say or if I should say anything at all. I was sorry to see her sad but at the same time, I wasn’t sorry. I was in conflict with myself in not wanting her to be in pain to want her to feel just as rotten as I did. Eventually, I found the words I was looking for “you’ll be ok, you are where you’re supposed to be.” And then I left closing the door behind me before she could say anything else back to me. As I walk down the long tunnel that leads back to the main house I realized while Jane was where she was supposed to be I wasn’t. I had nothing here in this new world that was now mine, no friends, no family, not even my work it was all theirs and it meant nothing to me. Bypassing the main house I head out to the stables. I had a sudden need to not be alone and Glory had this thing about her that helped ease my mind. Yeah, I was going to let Glory work her magic and be the one to give me comfort.*

Jane:   *Watching Manny finish up and leaving the room without a word, broke me.  There were so many things left unsaid.  So many truths and lies hidden beneath the anger and all I wanted was to be in a place where we could talk without him resenting me.  

Funny how life really knocks you when you’re down.  I did it to him so many times, and now it was his turn.  I would let him have that.  I kept quiet as he paused at the open door.  I let him leave with whatever dignity he had left, in tact.  But inside I was breaking, and it would take a storm to get me back in focus.  

Where did it all go wrong…  The day I operated on a patient in my OR with a six chambered heart?  No, being here with the Brotherhood was different and I missed some aspects of my life, but that was not it.  Maybe it didn’t go wrong at all…  Maybe it was now going right…  Blessing in disguise?  I didn’t know what the future held for either of us, but I knew I wanted to walk that path on my own and face my destiny on my own, and this felt right even if it broke my heart*

[h3xxkidofficial]

Friends?

So more often than not I find myself asking myself wether or not the people I associate myself with are actually my friends or not. I can talk to them and get along with them for the most part, but I always feel there's something else going on. I feel like there's a lack of transparency and maybe people don't actually like me. I understand not everyone is going to like me, but even so I find it stressful.

[neverlandtinkerbell]

Friend or foe?

I don't even know. Maybe some humans aren't that bad. I know we should see the positive side of person but then will you be able to when they lied to you many times and betrayed you? Even they had done many things together with you, helped you alot but then they turned out to be the opposite one unexpectedly. I myself have great trust issues so it is already hard for me to trust a person. I really look them as,brother type and those close friends but not that close just sort of trustable...yet they turn out to be not. I guess life sucks huh? It is so hard to talk to the normally without those awkward feeling hanging around and your heart and mind constantly debating on whether to give then another chance and trust them again because they seem to lie over and over again...oh God, tell me what to do😔

[vixengoddness]

Like seriously I'm done with the drama. If I'm over it then you should be also. You hating so much is making you look bitter with your life and everyone is seeing that. That's why I decided not to hate you no matter what your doing to me or planning to do to me. I do not want to be bitter. Instead I choose to be happy and live my life. And put this whole fight and drama behind me so you should also. Like I said I don't care if you and I aren't friends anymore I just want a serious talk with you and end the drama. I kept your name out of mouth so you should also. Like why so much hate? Why talking shit? Like does make you feel better?? Cuz if it does then you have major issues. And you need to go see a doctor. All I want is for you to be happy the way I am right now. So please let's have this talk and move on with our lives.