"vacation with the germans (and gerard and sergio)"
ft. paulette, lauren, anna, monica, and me
“WHAT UP BITCHES YOLO YOLO SWURD MY HOMIES” Paulette announces as she makes her grand entrance by the poolside. She was still wearing her 6 inch stilettos from the night before and carrying a boombox that only blasted the finest of Kanye. Manuel followed close behind, laughing at her every bemusing move.
Sabah cautiously steps out of a small wooden storage closet near the back of the large pool complex in the hotel where they were all situated. Mario follows close behind.
“My nigga we just did it for every time Mario has made me cry while browsing the internet.” Sabah announces, proud of the past 5 hours.
“Stank ass slut. Who are you? WHO ARE YOU?” Paulette asks for the eighth time that day.
“I AM ZLAT--” Sabah starts, but before she can finish her sentence, Paulette throws the boombox at her. Manuel quacks with laughter.
Narrowly dodging the large plastic object, Sabah shrugs. “I'm gonna go do it on a piano.”
She and Mario strut back into the hotel for a long night of simultaneous blogging and fornicating.
Successfully having gotten rid of the two, Paulette grins at Manu.
“I am going to taste your German sausage then butter your ass.”
“But--” Manu attempts to argue.
“Shhh, don't say anything.” Paulette interrupts as she awkwardly feels around Manu's groin.
“DAMN PAULETTE. DAMN. I SEE YOU.” Lauren yells from across the pool. She and Benedikt are lounging on pool chairs, working on their tan. Right now they were a bright shade of the whiteness of a thousand burning suns, and Benedikt's boner for Lauren in her swimsuit raged with the intensity of the latter.
“YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE” Paulette yells back. “Come on Manu, it's feeding time.”
Manuel quacks.
Anna then steps out of the changing rooms hand in hand with Bastian. The two were giggling at one another.
“Is zat really how you feel about ze...uh...ze penises?” Bastian asks.
“Yes, darling.” Anna answers, holding back a giggle.
“Fuck zat shit, you loved mine. It was fashun.” Bastian immediately replies.
“Oh Bastian, I did. I want to see it again. And then I'm going to make out with you. We will make out so hard.” Anna whispers, turning a bright shade of red in the process.
“YOU GODDAMN SLOOT” Lauren yells, still from all the way across the pool.
“BE QUIET TIFFANY.” Anna yells back.
“Tiffany? I thought you were Lauren--” Benedikt questions.
“Hush, fetus. I'm going to blow you now.”
Suddenly, a harsh, loud whinny comes from the entrance of the resort. Sergio gallops in, and Pique and Monica follow.
“DONDE ES? MI SABAH, WHERE IS SHE GO?” Sergio cries.
Lauren stares with contempt at Sergio and then back at Gerard, who's standing there as if with no idea what's going on.
“I do not know que es esto.” Gerard announces.
“I know, honey, I know. Let's make use of you and have you put some babies in my hot Latina womb.” Monica tells him. Gerard smiles dumbly. “JA! JAJAJAJA!”
“No, you don't need to open your mouth, Gerard.” Monica tells him. “Sorry Sergio, you're on your own, you greasy ass.” She then drapes herself and Pique with the Guatemalan flag and teleports back to the homeland.
Upon hearing the commotion, Mario, Sabah, Paulette and Manu all emerge back from inside the the hotel.
“POR QUE? MI SABAH!” Sergio yells.
“Sergio, I...” Sabah starts to say.
Manu and Paulette start to cackle at the situation.
“HA HA! HE FOUND HER, BUT HE DID NOT YET FIND ZE PENALTY BALL! HA HA!” Manu says in hysterics.
“SWURD MY NIGGA SWURD SWURD” Paulette contributes. She feeds Manu some breadcrumbs.
“CALLATE, FATUEL. YOU WAIT UNTIL I OS DEJO UN FOTITO DE TU CULO GORDO.” Sergio answers in rapid Spanglish.
“Sergio...” Mario says and trails off.
Sergio and Mario exchange a long, meaningful look.
“Eiffel tower?”
“Eiffel tower.”
The two, along with Sabah, disappear back into the hotel while Paulette and Manu continue to laugh at the misfortunes of others while she butters his ass, Lauren just keeps on blowing, and Anna finally touches a penis. Monica and Pique live happily among minnorities who hate America.
