I’m the first one to call myself childish and stupid and you know that. After everything stupid you and I’ve done to one another I feel that on some level I still care about you. Otherwise I wouldn’t be so upset to see you happy with other people and becoming best friends with someone new. I wouldn’t feel this intense rage and jealousy over you being happy for once in your life. I now feel I owe it to you to explain why things ended the way they did.I know now that it can be hard to hear ones own faults in matters they feel they did no wrong in but I hope you can read this to the end so that you may understand how I felt throughout this whole mess. It started around the time you and(for all intensive purposes we’ll call her Anna) Anna started fighting over things and putting me in the middle of your arguments. Now I never once said not too and that’s purely on me. After all how are you suppose to know things upset me if I’ve never told you they did. Once all the fighting began I felt I needed to become two people and try to maintain both my friendship to you and Anna. This became a pretty good reason for tension once I felt I had stretched myself to far between the both of you. I began saying what you both wanted to hear because I felt that was my only way to stay friends with you and Anna.(Trust me I know now that that is not the way to go about it.) Then after most of the arguing had settled between you both I started working with you and quickly found out that I might not have been ready for such a position at that point. We began fighting over more and more thing,but the largest problem I had was when you tried to be my boss in times I really just needed a friend. My storming out and running from my problems became an issue in and of its self which lead to us not talking for a few weeks after I had moved way. After doing so I tried to reach out to you and say how sorry I was but I know you needed time and were not ready for reconciliation yet so I let you be and just presumed we had no longer been friends. Now regardless of that fact I still wanted you to have a happy birthday for once in your life and I wasn’t about to give up on the plans I had made months in advance for this. so I went forward with this idea to give you a surprise party like you always wanted. Keep in mind that I in no way wanted to have you know I did it. I honestly wanted someone else to take credit for it.I just wanted you to be happy on your birthday and be with the people you cared about. So I was going to go home once you had arrived at your party, But we both know it didn’t end like that. In fact it ended with someone telling you I did it. After this secret got out I was forced to see you and it ended very pleasantly with us hugging and saying sorry to one another. In the car ride home you told me that all you had to say on the matter was “ Next time you have a problem with me I need you to tell me.” In the next few weeks I thought we where okay we went to movies and talked like we used to do but things still weren’t the same and suddenly we just stopped talking all together and I then presumed we had just gone back to not being friends and only when I had confronted you on this matter did I realize how you felt about things. What proceeded afterwards was mostly me over reacting. After all you had said no cruel words to me and done nothing truly wrong, however saying that I had tried to buy back your friendship is what had made me so angry and upset but that was not the entire reason I was upset in fact it was also because I had been fired within the 5 minutes of you telling me these things. So I proceeded to let my anger fester and turn into hatred. That Then lead into the night I went to your apartment to get my things back which didn’t end so well but I did eventually get my things back, broken but back. Which of corse added fuel to the fire. Now here we are I am back home with my family in California and you are happier than ever with you many roommates. We haven’t spoken in months not even so much as a sorry to one another but I feel as though in some way I am saying sorry just by writing this. I half heartedly wish you the best and half heartedly hope you become unhappy in someway but I know that neither outcome will bring me happiness and I now realize I need to look to myself to find happiness not through hating you. P.S. I do on some level wish you all the best in the world and send you my love after all you were my first love. Xx. Yours always Boots Xx.
