#fthl

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THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF LYNXLEY CHAPTER NINE! GUUUHHHH.

Extras below

- “… his Modest Mouser shirt.” - an animal twist on “Modest Mouse”. But, like, that’s already an animal thing, so I made it a cat pun! Love that band. I get the vibe Pawbert would too.

- “But one twinge of his bad leg had made him nearly drop a scratching post, caught just in the nick (literally) of time by Wilde, and he was metaphorically benched.” - the “nick (literally)” is. Because his name is Nick. I think this is very funny.

- “Pawbert hated his father’s study. He was never allowed in there, except for… discipline.” - by “discipline”, he means.. well, if you’ve seen “Moral Orel”, imagine what went down in his father’s study.

- “He was never allowed in there, not since he and Cattrick (mostly Cattrick) knocked over an obscenely expensive little ship in a bottle when they were very young.” - this is a reference to a section in a song that’s a part of the official FTHL playlist, “Our Word” from “36 Questions”. Basically the same events as here, but with one kid.

- “… as he laughed at his own horrible impression.” - we all have that terrible, completely inaccurate impression of our folks. Amiright?

- “Cool. Cool, cool, cool, no doubt.” - another Jake Peralta reference. I’ve been properly rewatching “Brooklyn-99”.

- “She was also doing her best to sound casual, but her analytical gaze was far too intense and pointed for it to succeed.” - they both just need to say what they’re thinking. They’re both bad at this

- “The ZPD should hire me as a consulting genius detective.” - again, another Jake Peralta reference. I love the Halloween episodes dearly.

- “Buuut we gotta be careful snooping around too much, or Chief Beef will catch on to where we’re sticking our noses.” - when he says “Chief Beef”, he’s referring to Chief Bogo. I can’t recall if this is in the movies or if I came up with it on my own.

- “Victpurr, maybe?” - I figured that since Ebenezer was named after a classical literature villain, some other family members should too. “Victpurr” is the catified version of Victor, in reference to “Frankenstein”.

- “There were little claw marks, too. He held his paws out in front of him, trembling fingers soaked in blood and grasping at air.” - okaaayyy so this visual was inspired by something in “Doki Doki Literature Club”. If you know, you know. If not, don’t look it up.

- Not-Pawbert - I know I said to listen to this song for this chapter, but honestly it belongs to him. Listen to “Virtual Mima” from the “Perfect Blue” OST whenever he shows up for the full effect.

- “The moment he stepped out of his room, the tortured visions went silent.” - this was inspired by that horrific moment in “Get Out”.

- “Bug-Burga’s Cicada Slammers” - based on an in-universe restaurant. I made up “Cicada Slammers” to be like, this restaurant’s version of Whoppers or whatever.

- “He then licked his paws. Swiped them over his face, got any remaining crumbs or grease from his chops or whiskers.” - for those of you that don’t know, this is how cats clean their faces. It’s the best thing ever.

- “One that had an absurd amount of plastic houseplants. (Nothing real could survive the cold.)” - I wonder if that last line is thematically relevant… hmmm… something something everything in this manor is fake for appearances and nothing could actually thrive there…

- Morana - her voice claim is Carla Gugino :))

- “Sometimes, she’d play hide-and-seek with him, when no one else could find the time.” - notice how both Morana and Purrsephone used to play hide-and-seek with Pawbert :)) those are his moms

- “Twist you into something other than your mother’s strange, troubled little creation.” - this is a reference to the song “Dead Mom” from the musical “Beetlejuice”, since I can't help myself. All my other fics are from that musical. The original lyrics go, “You’re my home / My destination / And I’m your clone / Your strange creation”.

- “I won’t leave you now, little pup. I’ll be here until the end.” - notice how when Morana first approaches, she’s a bit formal. Once she realizes Pawbert is chill, she gets more affectionate. Rather than calling him a kitten or cub, she uses a nickname fitting her own species’ young, since she sees Pawbert as her own child.

[possum-quesadilla]

Turns out anger is a pretty good energy source for fanfic writing. Chapter eight of The Fall of the House of Lynxley is up! We’re at the halfway point!

Extras below!

- “One grand staircase that halts at a landing then splits into two separate directions, many pathways and entrances to the vast number of rooms. The painting of his family, years ago, in the center of it.” - the main inspiration for this foyer visual is the one in “The Haunting of Hill House”! Just instead of that beautiful stained glass window, it’s a big painting. Mike Flanagan inspiration is aaaalll over all my works, but especially this one.

- “ “‘Servant’s kitchen’?” Wilde echoed with a little laugh of disbelief. “You have a whole separate kitchen for the servants?” ” - yeah this is a real thing super rich people have. Isn’t that insane?

- “The funny tricks of time had blurred the details.” - this is a reference to the song “Slipping Through My Fingers” by ABBA. The line goes, “Sometimes, I wish that I could freeze the picture, / And save it from the funny tricks of time” Funnily enough, this song is on Purrsephone’s playlist.

- “It was gentle and beautiful, with a hint of a rasp from her “wild youth”, as she put it.” - it’ll come up in her backstory if I end up making the post about her, but Purrsephone had a pretty wild time in college! She was a sorority girl. The rasp comes from the “sorority vocal fry” she once had. (Although not as annoying as the usual type, it just adds a nice texture to her voice) From partying and drinking, getting sick often due to said partying, and hooting and hollering at those same parties. She really mellowed out with age, but she had her fun first.

- “ Kitty and Cattrick let out twin gasps. “Oooooh!” “The Gary?” Pawbert grimaced, his face and ears flushing. “Don’t be weird, guys. Please.” ” - he may be in a horror story, but nothing will let him escape siblings teasing about crushes. Even if he’s not aware it’s a crush yet.

- “Seemed to be a twin thing.” - a reference to “The Haunting of Hill House”. Probably won’t be as devastating as it is in that show, right? Right?

[possum-quesadilla]

More Fall, more House, more Lynxley. Chapter seven of The Fall of the House of Lynxley is up!

Extras below!

- Like I say in the end note on the chapter, I’m not entirely certain I’ve written Judy and Nick in character. Buuuut I don’t really care! This ain’t about them, and I don’t like copaganda characters that aren’t Jake Peralta.

- “He’d never had that sort of security before as he slept. So he supposed his lack of vigilance could be excused.” - cats are anxious, hyper-vigilant creatures. They’re both predators and prey, so they are always on alert. A cat sleeping soundly in your presence means you’ve earned their trust and it a huuuuuge milestone in bonding with one.

- “And I sure as shallots didn’t start with an arrest as important as his!” - figured Judy wouldn’t say “sure as shit”, so I replaced it with “shallots”. Y’know, like onions? Farming? I tried.

- “Whispers of her memory danced in his muddled mind for a brief moment. A gentle smile, a paw holding his own. A flowing dress. The scent of perfume. Her finest pearls, scattered across the- ” - hm! Wonder if some of that imagery has to do with her death.

- “What? You’re only animal! You can make mistakes like the rest of us!” - tried to make the phrase “you’re only human” fit them, but it sounds a bit odd. Oh well!

- “… you doin’ alright there, Pawzuzu?” - a paw pun of Pazuzu, a demon in real Mesopotamian mythology that was used as the antagonist of “The Exorcist”.

- “ “‘S aight.” He furrowed his brows at just how hard it was to get his mouth to form proper words. Yoikes.” - “Aight” and “yoikes” are both things taken from other Andy Samberg characters.

- “-pass out on us, alright, Jigpaw?” - a paw pun of “Jigsaw”, the killer in the “Saw” franchise.

- “He caught Hopps and Wilde both staring at him in the rearview mirror with their eyebrows raised, but paid them no mind.” - these two have caught on quicker than Pawbert has. Hilarious.

[possum-quesadilla]

Made a cover for my Pawbert redemption / horror AU, The Fall of the House of Lynxley, in honor of reaching Part Two! The horror begins. I’m happier than I thought I would be with how it turned out.

[possum-quesadilla]

*tomodachi life mii voice* i need a cigarette

Chapter six of The Fall of the House of Lynxley is up! With it, we begin Part Two! Yay!

Extras below!

- Pawbert’s opinion and reaction to Zootopia’s city area is a very direct projection of my own. I’ve been to New York twice and hated it. Same with Chicago. I haaaaaaate cities. Too many people! Too loud! Too stinky!!

- “Congrats, kit.” - a “kit” is what a baby pine marten is called.

- “His nose wrinkled. He could taste it.” - again, cats have scent glands on the roof of their mouths! But also car exhaust is so fuckin’ stinky that even humans can taste it. Eugh.

- “Passing animals gave him strange, wary looks. Eyed him up and down, making the fur along his spine rise. They know who you are. They know what you’ve done.” - they don’t. They’re just looking at the guy acting strange on the street corner and then continuing their day. Pawbert’s panicked mind is making it appear worse than it actually is

- “His paws were throbbing from hitting the rough pavement with no protection.” - most animals in Zootopia are barefoot, but I imagine Pawbert’s pampered little rich boy paws are too sensitive for the pavement. He hasn’t had the chance to get used to it.

- “Underneath his clothes and his fur, he sweated. He never really had done that before, even when spending so much time in this tent. It soaked his paw pads and left him constantly wiping them on his sweater with disgust.” - cats (and furry animals as a whole) don’t really sweat. They only do if they’re reaaaaaally hot. And that means they’re in the danger zone. Cats only sweat through their paw pads! Imagine only having sweaty hands and feet. That would suck.

- “Little weasel barely gave me time to ask any.” - I think technically this is vaguely racist but Pawbert hasn’t unlearned all of that quite yet

- “Something ugly began to twist and burn in Pawbert’s chest.” - its jealousy. He’s jealous.

[possum-quesadilla]

I’m back! I think. Here’s chapter five of The Fall of the House of Lynxley while I get back into the groove of writing!

Extras below!

- Dana - this character is, of course, a reference to the one in the show “The Pitt”, because I’m obsessed with it. And because I think Pawbert could use another outwardly mean but deeply empathetic woman in his life. Also, wanted to highlight something - not everyone hates Pawbert as much as he thinks. Sure, some of the inmates do want to beat him up. And some of the staff despise him for what he tried to do to their colleagues, Nick and Judy. But he inflates the scale and intensity of it in his head due to his self hatred. There’s folks outside his new circle like Dana who want good things for him.

- “I’ll have a cane sent to your cell once I scrounge one up.” - like her Pitt counterpart, this Dana fudges the system for her patients. The prison would drag it’s feet about getting Pawbert a cane, leading to him suffering needlessly, so Dana’s willing to pull a few strings and cash in a few favors. Love my legally unethical but morally rich ladies.

- “But instead, she patted his shoulder. Gave it a little squeeze. A warm, fuzzy feeling exploded in his gut. A voice in his mind cried, finally. His throat began to ache like he was about to cry, no matter how much he swallowed it down.” - meant to complete the shoulder pat he never got from his father. Someone please pat this boy on the shoulder and tell him he’s doing alright every day.

- “You’re gonna be alright, kid.” - kinda a joke, kinda fitting Pitt Dana’s lingo. A “kid” is a baby goat, lol.

- Gilbert - where’s Flo? The poor woman’s gotta have some time off after all the overtime she put into making sure Pawbert didn’t unravel before. Also, she’s perhaps busy talking to… another inmate…

- “He’s not made of glass, Kitty. He’s tough as glaciers.” - tried to think of something tough one would encounter in a cold environment. I think perhaps animals from different weather zones would have their own fun phrases

- “Kitty and Cattrick were unable to stifle their reactions. They both tensed, hopeful merriment swiftly being chased away by hurt confusion.” - although they are sort of healing on their own, the twins are resorting back to old methods here. Trying to win over Pawbert’s affection and attention, like they used to with their father. It’s kinda all they know, at this point. And it hurts them when it doesn’t work.

- “ “I-I promise I don’t.. hate you guys. I never could.” He could feel his siblings shifting, see their expressions changing in the corners of his vision, but he didn’t dare look up to analyze them. “I.. I love you. But I can’t.. I can’t stand you. I don’t think I even really…. Like you, anymore.” Pawbert clasped his paws together and fidgeted with his fingers. “I don’t… know when I will forgive you.” ” - this was a little bit painful to write, since it’s based on thoughts I’ve yet to express to my own siblings. You could never hate them hate them, they’re your siblings. But they still hurt you and became awful people. The feelings Pawbert are voicing are a bit old, and he no longer really dislikes his siblings, but he felt like they needed to be voiced. They had to understand how they made him feel for them all to move forward.

- “Cattrick bumped his head against Pawbert’s shoulder affectionately.” - if you don’t have cats, this might seem weird. But it’s one of the ways they show affection! It’s soooo absurdly nice to experience.

- “Pawbert’s ear twitched as his stomach churned, then growled. “Uhh..” Cattrick eyed his younger brother carefully before shrugging listlessly. “Nah. Too many prying, peasant eyes.” ” - something Pawbert didn’t catch: Cattrick realized the idea of meeting up at the cafeteria meant the possibility of Pawbert running into Milton, and that made him uncomfortable, so he redirected. His siblings are perceptive, but he is not.

- “Pawbert couldn’t resist a wide, toothy smile at the sight of them, a delighted trill escaping his throat.” - not certain if I’ve said it before, but a “trill” is a noise a cat makes when they’re pleasantly startled. Like when you pet them but they don’t expect it. It’s one of the best noises in the whole world.

- “ “Didn’t Mom show you how to do this when you packed for summer trips?” Pawbert’s face became hot, and his ears drooped with lighthearted embarrassment. “.. she, uh… always packed for me?” ” - based on a plot point in “Home Alone”, because Pawbert honestly kinda gives me Kevin McAllister vibes. If his parents were even more evil. I completely forgot Cattrick’s voice actor, Macaulay Culkin, played Kevin while I was writing this part! Fun coincidence. It’s honestly making me imagine their mother being voiced by Catherine O’Hara (RIP queen)

- “Wh- like you guys didn’t have the help do stuff for you all the time!” - the author does not condone calling staff “the help”.

- “He crossed his arms then, tucking his paws under his armpits.” - based on a nervous habit I’ve noticed Andy Samberg do in some roles!

- “ “It’s- he’s-” he tensed up as both of his siblings chirped with further interest, their whiskers twitching. They looked ready to strike. “Nothing! Nobody!” ” - he gave away too much when he accidentally said “he” lol. Also, chirping! It’s a thing cats do when they see something they want to hunt. My roommate’s cat does it when he is about to play fight with the other cats. In this instance, Kitty and Cattrick are excited to seize the opportunity to further tease Pawbert.

- “Awww, sweet little Pawbert has a-” - crush, she was gonna say crush.

- “Manual labor and bad prison food (within the confines of Pawbert’s cell, at Flo’s suggestion) suddenly seemed infinitely more palatable, with the prospect of Kitty and Cattrick being there to share it all with.” - if it’s not clear, after the scene in the cafeteria, Flo off-screen(?) suggested the siblings all eat lunch together in Pawbert’s cell so they didn’t have to see Milton.

- “It’s such a beautiful sound!” - as an owner of cats. And also a person with a soul. A purr is indeed one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.

- The quotes in the notes - now you know where the title for Part One came from! Here’s a link to the scene it comes from. Fuck, that still hits so hard. Of course, the source material for the AU. It can be applied, certainly, to Milton and how he treated his children. But I meant for “The poverty of you” to be specifically aimed at Pawbert. How he viewed himself, how Gary perhaps viewed him before they reconciled.

[possum-quesadilla]

Chapter four of The Fall of the House of Lynxley is here! I am batshit insane!! (This’ll probably be the last rapid-fire one)

Extras below! Make sure to read the trigger warnings attached to this chapter!

- Claw caps - they’re actually awesome and useful in the real world for house cats!! A humane way to stop them from scratching furniture or their owners on accident. For animals with full sentience like Pawbert, however, I can imagine it would be very degrading and demoralizing. I think maybe there are felines in this world that wear claw caps on purpose, but forcing them on someone is hella fucked up. Though the events of the first movie most certainly helped some strange stigmas or rules / laws I’m sure are in place surrounding carnivores, it doesn’t go away all at once. There will always be remnants of the malice.

- “A gentler voice whispered. I miss her. He didn’t understand it. He insisted it must be wrong.” - one of the things I set out to explore in this chapter is the relationship one has with siblings also raised in abuse. They hurt you because they are hurt. They protect you in ways you can’t understand. You love and miss them regardless of how much they hurt you. It’s complicated.

- “Dr. Ringsley opened the door with an emphatic, strange little growl…” - have you ever heard the noises raccoons make? They’re odd! I love them dearly.

- “It caused him to feel like he constantly had to move his jaw and lick his lips.” - honestly this is based on how I felt when I had to wear masks during the pandemic, or currently whenever I’m sick.

- What happened with Pawbert’s leg? - basically, he was having a breakdown because of the memory of falling off the weather wall. The specifics of it, I’m not sure. Could’ve been anxiety, or PTSD, or any number of things. It caused him to lash out at himself. Sometimes, for me personally, when a part of my body connected to a trauma irritates me, or when the memory of a trauma gets too much, I lash out at my own body without meaning to. More on his (and my) habits with the next point!

- “When I was real little, I apparently got pretty nervous all the time. My mom told me I used to bite my own paws and fingers.” … “Uh… sometimes when I got.. stuck in my head, I’d accidentally dig my claws into my arms.” - as Dr. Ringsley points out, it’s a form of grounding. Being under so much stress for so long, with a childhood like Pawbert’s can cause the body to try to self-regulate that stress and redirect it in harmful ways. For Pawbert and myself, sometimes it manifests as scratching at the arms.

- “ “Do you think maybe it was to help ground yourself, in some way?” The lynx blinked at the counselor, cocking his head a bit. “Oh. Shit, yeah. Probably. That’s super smart.” ” - based on something I say to my therapist all the time. Shout out to therapists, they’re smart as hell

- “Pawbert choked on his next breath. “Self-harm?” He echoed, eyes widening. A pit formed in his stomach. It was cold.” - there’s quite the stigma surrounding self-harm. So much so that it can be quite daunting and terrifying to realize you’ve been doing a version of it. It’s certainly not a good thing, but it’s not the end of the world! It can be helped. One thing I wanted to touch on in this fic was how mental health and the gnarly parts of recovery is usually not fully represented, so the ugly parts of it are often not shown. But it’s still worth it, and you’re not ugly because of it.

- “ “Geez, Pawbert. Get a grip.” He swore he could feel Kitty’s gentle paws, bandaging his arm like she’d done countless times. “You’re so lucky Cattrick caught you. You don’t wanna be like those nut jobs who cut up their arms for attention.” ” - goes without saying that I don’t share Kitty’s views! She was raised in a household where any sign of weakness was attacked. She is being harsh here so she can teach Pawbert to avoid showing any “weakness” himself.

- “Constant late nights studying, skipping school to shadow their father at business meetings. Notes home from school about him sleeping in class, constant arguments until Cattrick grew too tired to try.” - Milton forced Cattrick to stay awake studying business stuff, and then punished him when he got in trouble for falling asleep in class.

- “Bygone stolen moments of whispers about his own personal dreams and ambitions with misty eyes and a shaky smile, not spoken or even dreamed of in decades.” - Cattrick had dreams and life goals. He wanted to be a nurse, or to work in healthcare in general. He liked helping animals.

- “His tight smiles and just-barely hidden grimaces at talks of heirs, and grandchildren for Milton.” - Cattrick is aroace in this fic because I said so

- “Sneaky dates and chaste kisses with girls were plastered all over magazines, until she gave up on it all entirely.” - Kitty is a lesbian. To me. And Milton is homophobic because look at him

- “Constantly pushed to the side as heir. Never even considered to take it all over, despite how she hungered for it.” - Kitty was always ready and willing to take over the family business and name. But she was never even considered, because she’s a woman. Cattrick doesn’t want to be the heir, but he’s been forcefully selected, because he’s a man.

- “I-I thought that he- that he had- you idiot! You scared us!” - Pawbert doesn’t connect the dots, but I will for you. Kitty and Cattrick thought maybe Milton “got rid” of Pawbert somehow. I wonder what made them worry about that? Hmmm.

- “He pressed his snout against Pawbert’s cheek, and the lynx’s heart skipped a beat. (Was he really still that hungry for contact?)” - everyone point and laugh at the idiot yearner who doesn’t even know he’s yearning

- “ “It is. If this were twenty years ago, they probably would’ve de-clawed or de-fanged me.” Gary let out a gasp, his body tightening around Pawbert’s torso. “Buuut it was officially outlawed five years ago! Nothing to worry about!” ” - wanted to portray how even progressive places have outlawed horrible things shockingly recently. Also, declawing is a real practice done on cats. It’s horribly inhumane, basically removing part of their toe. It leaves them with chronic pain, and makes them unable to walk properly. De-fanging isn’t really a thing that is done, but I’m sure a society like this would’ve invented something akin to removing a predator’s fangs.

- “The pit viper didn’t seem fully convinced, face furrowed up with concern.” - OKAY I WANTED TO SAY HE FURROWED HIS BROWS BUT HE DOESN’T HAVE BROWS. HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THAT FACIAL EXPRESSION

- “For emphasis, he flexed his back right paw, bending and unbending his knee joint. He clenched his jaw at the pain.” - welcome to chronic pain kitty boy. It sucks

- “Plenty of the infirmary staff were qualified. He just couldn’t swallow their hateful gazes for any longer than what was totally required.” - they hate his ass for trying to kill Nick, Judy, and Gary. Which is fair, when no one really knows all the details other than Gary.

- “ “Uhh… I guess I really miss.. cheeseballs?” The snake giggled, nudging the lynx. “Sure! What else?” He hummed a little as he thought. “.. video games. I never did get to finish ‘Purrblivion’.” ” - based on Pawbert’s concept art! He was supposed to be an epic gamer lol. Also, of course, “Purrblivion” is this universe’s version of “Oblivion”. I couldn’t think of an animal pun for “Skyrim”.

- “But instead, he closed his mouth slowly. He snorted, grinning, going to grab a blue marker. “That sounds awesome, Partner.” ” - he didn’t want to hinder Gary’s sparkle :(( also notice how they both grabbed each other’s colors

- “Sneak your favorite snack in through security?” - I’m not sure if it’ll come up again but Pawbert’s favorite snack mentioned here is basically this universe’s version of churus. Gogurt tubes of cat food. Cats go nuts for them.

[possum-quesadilla]

Maybe we’ll get to the end of Part One of FTHL before my birthday. Who knows!

Chapter three of The Fall of the House of Lynxley is here!

Extras below!

- Say hello to Dr. Vivi Ringsley! Big thank you to my friend @st4rbreaker for helping me think of their species and name. I made them non-binary and middle-aged because we don’t get much middle-aged trans rep, let alone of enby people! They’re an amalgamation of therapists I’ve had.

- “Are you sure you wouldn’t be more comfortable with a feline counselor? We could find you one by the end of today.” - this is based on something that does happen in healthcare, especially mental health care. If you are more comfortable with a specialist of a certain race or gender or religion or just about anything, they’ll accommodate! This is more common with people of color, which translates to predators and/or evolutionary families in this world. If Pawbert wasn’t in a hurry to “get fixed”, he probably still would not have selected a fellow feline. It may or may not be brought up, but he’s lowkey scared of other felines because of his father.

- The counseling room - so. Hey! I’ve never been in a prison. I have no clue if this is accurate. And I don’t care! This is being written for fun and for the story, not accuracy

- “Walls painted a disgusting shade of bubble-gum pink…” - if you wanna know what shade of pink, look up the pink walls in the movie “Smile”! Supposedly, it’s supposed to have a positive, calming mental effect. Hence why it’s in a mental facility in that movie. In reality, most people find it kinda abrasive. I reference that movie because it was an inspiration for this fic. ;))

- “Pawbert’s chair had a special little bar on each arm that could be used to handcuff him in place, but Dr. Ringsley had decided to forgo that precaution for now. Why, Pawbert didn’t quite understand.” - in reality, I don’t think Dr. Ringsley could request him not to be handcuffed. He attempted four murders. But who cares! And also, Pawbert doesn’t understand that Dr. Ringsley cares about his comfort. My sweet little neglected idiot <33

- “… gesture with their paw as they talked about their credentials and experience.” - Dr. Ringsley isn’t being vain, by the way. This is standard procedure for a first appointment with a therapist! In my experience, at least.

- “(Pawbert had heard raccoons had an extra finger on each paw, but seeing it gave him the heeby-jeebies.)” - since all the animals in Zootopia have four fingers, I thought it would be funny to have animals like raccoons who have five toes / thumbs to be a little bit of freaks in-universe like this.

- “You’ve been whale-eyeing me for the past five minutes.” - “Whale-eyeing” is a behavior seen in dogs, and also people. I’ve seen my cats do it, though, so I included it for Pawbert. It’s essentially that big side-eye that dogs do when they’re extremely nervous. It’s also a possible sign that their body language might escalate if they are further stressed.

- “ “It felt like I was, like, being chased by a giant snowmobile or something.” “.. that sounds… weirdly specific.” ” - obvious reference to that scene where Nick and Judy chased him with that big snowmobile thing. I don’t think it’s really in official reports because WHY DID THEY DO THAT. WERE THEY TRYING TO KILL HIM?

- “He gritted his teeth. “… if I gotta.” ” - okay. So! I won’t be showing most of his sessions fully in-text. There’s two reasons for that. 1. I tried it at first, but by god. It was just dialogue. It looked weird and out of place, and it was quite uncomfortable. 2. I’m not a therapist, so I don’t know what a therapist would say to Pawbert! I’m somewhat basing his redemption / recovery on what I went through, minus the attempted murders, and it would feel very icky to pull directly from my first few sessions for some aspects. For others, I just have no clue. So! It’ll mostly be off-screen, with some big revelations or moments or whatever shown. (Also it just feels a wee bit too invasive for poor Pawbert. Makes sense maybe in-text that he wouldn’t share it all with the audience, even if he doesn’t know they’re there.)

- “ “No words left.” His tongue and mouth felt sluggish. Even those three little words were a chore.” - based on my own experience with my first therapist. I have autism, so that physical sensation of struggling to speak happens to me often still. But therapy can be super duper draining emotionally and physically, and Pawbert is experiencing that here. It’s worth it, though!

- “That’s not true.” - rare Flo doing something ill-advised moment. Sometimes it’s alright to push people to talk about their feelings. Like I said before, I experience what Pawbert did here pretty frequently. Pushing me to communicate often makes me worse, and it’s the same for him. As seen right after this, it makes him even more irritable. Flo wants what’s best for Pawbert, but she isn’t perfect!

- “Involuntarily, and regretting it immediately, Pawbert let out a hiss.” - one of the things I make sure to depict when I’m writing about a character struggling with their mental health is how sometimes it makes you an asshole, even if you don’t mean / want to be. Sometimes you’re mean and irritable. Pawbert cares much less about being an asshole, but he still isn’t doing it on purpose, and that can be fairly upsetting.

- “I-… I learned that therapy is stupid. And-and there’s a reason I don’t talk about my feelings or my family or how it all affects me, or whatever.” - based on a tiktok where someone jokingly said something similar, but also my personal experience with the first few therapy sessions. It feels very gross and raw and all that at first, and it makes you want to just give up and re-bury all the nasty feelings and memories. Just gotta push through it!

- “ “Not so fast. Don’t you have another appointment in two days?” He paused, throwing his head back with a groan. “I do?” ” - I won’t point them out every time, but this is an example of how the TBI affected his memory. He JUST scheduled that appointment less than an hour ago, and he’s already forgotten about it. That’s how he’ll be for the rest of his life now unfortunately. Again, based on how my own brain injury impacted me!

- “I’ve heard D. Howl’s “You Will Get Through This Night” is actually pretty helpful.” - this is a reference to Daniel Howell’s book of the same name! Changed his name a little to fit the world. I don’t think he’d be a wolf, but I couldn’t resist the “Howl” connection. That book is indeed very insightful and helpful! It was for me, at least. I don’t know if a prison would have that in their library, but I don’t really care for realism when it comes to prison and the justice system, as previously established.