#fucking cackled

[hongism]

WHOEVER WROTE THIS I HOPE U KNOW IT MADE ME SNORT ON MY RUM AND COKE SO HARD THAT IT CAME OUT MY NOSE!

[fluxherbaria]

"It was the moment for which he had waited, but he found himself strolling away. Durham went to his rooms behind him. The opportunity was passing. "Good night," he screamed; his voice was going out of gear, and startling them both." - Maurice, EM Forster

[huijsen]

THE BALL HITING RUBENS FACE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[rayeofthem00n]

“For the OTHER side of this game, I’m going to tick a couple clocks”

- austin, about to rock clems world

[grantyoupeaceofmind]

"Jesus are you a carpenter? You're still nailing that." JFC Arri, what even is your humour

[gunsandhugs]

reAD WHAT MY COUSIN JUSt SHARED ON FACEBOOK OH MY GOD

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…….............…..”

[caristia]

I am so pROUD My sister just showed me photos she took of our dog lady and her fave playmate dog aND HIS EYES ARE GLEAMING BLUE IN THE CAMERA AND OUR DOG'S EYES GLEAM RED AND I AM LIKE FUCK YES AN FUCKING ALPHA IS PART OF OUR FAMILY