Jan 19
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#there's just something fundamentally wrong with me#i'm in this ma because i want to have a viable future that also allows me to pursue all the dreams i have#but also there's this huge part of me that's wondering if those dreams are even what i want because when i have time off i spend it#thinking about stupid children's book characters and actors i admire but will never know i exist#and no one fucking cares about the things i like and i'm losing interest in this blog because everyone's obsessed with stranger things#or heated rivalry and no one actually cares about being in fandom anymore or thinking deeply about media they just want to consume#and follow trends#i'm not saying everyone has to get obsessed with fucking willy wonka or whatever i'm saying the community of fandom is gone and it's so#fucking lonely#it's my favourite thing in the world but i question if engaging with my interests is even worth it anymore#and then i go back to writing my novel and wonder if it even matters because the world is going to shit and what is me writing a novel#going to do#i put so much effort into everything i do and for what#i'm so lonely#i want. i want someone around who understands me completely and doesn't make me feel silly for liking stuff made for kids and who also#understands that i just want everyone to be smart and that institutional stupidity is ruining everything#i'm not making any sense#i just feel like such an outcast and a failure#delete later
