Wrote this one as an exercise to try and shake the cobwebs from my brain while I work on the next (and final) part of the Naekawa Project. And to share a revelation about Fukawa I had. You’ll know it when you see it.
The story’s pretty short and nothing all that special, to be honest. But I do hope you guys will enjoy it anyway ^_^
The problem with hindsight being 20/20 is that sometimes, you see things you really wish you hadn’t.
Fukawa was having a perfectly nice evening when it happened. Both her and Makoto were snug and cosy in bed, legs wrapped beneath a shared duvet against the cold. She was on her laptop, putting the final touches to her newest manuscript, while her boyfriend fiddling with his iPad.
A Youtube video was playing, loud enough so both of them could hear. She found recently that she enjoyed having something to listen to while she worked – in a weird way, it helped turn the cogs of her mind. And Makoto had pretty good taste in online entertainment; the videos he chose (whenever they were together) were usually an even mix informative and interesting.
Tonight, he was exploring a new channel he discovered, apparently via Kirigiri-san’s recommendation. Its creator was an eloquent young man who touched on things like urban legends, true crime, internet mysteries, bizarre social media trends and online cults, all in a sort of documentary style that occasionally had little jokes or funny comments sprinkled in. Several hours had gone by since the first video played, and they were both hooked. The litany of macabre topics covered were utterly fascinating. ARGs, Cicada-3301, Breatharians…
And then they got to the one about Involuntary Celibates. Or Incels, as they were more popularly known – maladjusted young men who were (in their own eyes) incapable of finding love, and have decided that it was the fault of all women in general for not finding them attractive. According to the video, they held truly repugnant and incredibly misogynist beliefs, and congregated in online forums to spread their bile and vitriol towards society at large. Sometimes, they took things to the extreme and committed acts of violence.
Fukawa had gone ramrod stiff when the video began describing them in further detail. Her fingers were left frozen, hovering over her keyboard. She had never heard of the term “incel” before, nor did she know that these groups ever existed. But the things they said…
About how all pretty girls were shallow and judgemental. About how women only cared about a man’s looks and wealth. About how they didn’t care about the person beneath the surface.
It was all too familiar, in a way that made her sick to her stomach. Her mind’s eye was inexorably drawn back to the past, to another lifetime.
“…but as you might imagine,” continued the video, “this unfortunate ideology is not unique to just the guys. Female counterparts do exist, and can be equally toxic towards men instead of women. Referring to themselves as ‘Femcels’, these individuals…”
She had sprung up from the bed the instant she processed those words, nearly knocking her laptop onto the floor.
“Oh my g-god,” Fukawa blurted, eyes wide. The term ‘Femcel’ played in her head over and over. “That used to be me!”
Makoto, who had been blissfully unaware of her growing unease until her sudden outburst, cocked his head at her.
“It was?” He said.
She took a second to calm down and gather her thoughts.
“Y-Yeah,” she said, after a while. “Femcel…” The word tasted horrible on her tongue. “Good god, I used to be one w-without even knowing what they were.” With a dry laugh: “I always thought I w-was the only weirdo who acted like t-that.”
Shocking as the realization was, it wasn’t a source of shame for her; the past was the past. Fukawa had outgrown the constant urge to self-loathe and deprecate. Still, this wasn’t a pleasant revelation. Had she encountered others like her online in her formative years, she could have wound up being sucked into one of their forums and turning into an infinitely more detestable person, based on what this video had taught her about the culture. Even more bitter and miserable than she was in her old high school days.
She had – unbeknownst to her at the time – dodged a massive bullet. The idea disturbed her, in a way she couldn’t quite explain.
Makoto had paused the video and was about to switch to something else as she slipped back beneath the covers beside him. His gaze was sweetly sympathetic. “Maybe it’s best if we skip this one…”
“Nah, I wanna keep watching,” she mumbled, snuggling up to him. Oddly enough, the subject was more fascinating to her now. Her laptop had been set aside; she was done writing for the night. So they kept watching. In companionable silence at first, before her boyfriend spoke again.
“Geez…” he said, sounding sad. “I am so glad I met you when I did.”
“Why?”
“These people seem so… unhappy. Just like you used to be.” He turned to face her. “No offense.”
Both of them giggled.
“I’m glad I met you too,” she said.
End Notes: I’d explain what ARGs, Cicada-3301 and Breatharians are, but I think it’d be more fun if you look them up Youtube or Google yourself.
Link to AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31899745/chapters/78989599
AO3 Notes: This next entry is fanart! I'm gonna alternate between fanart and fic for each day of this week.
This one is based on an idea I've been saving for a full-length fic for quite some time. Writing it out would have taken too long (i'm sure you can tell from my track record), so I decided to do art of it instead.
In honor of part 10 of my friend’s fantastic Naekawa au making me cry, here’s a commission of the proposal! I hope you enjoy it!
(Submitted by @trubbishrubbish)
So, I was at work when I received this in my inbox, and I spent a good chunk of my day thinking about how to respond. I think I found a way that best expresses how I feel right now.
THIS IS SO FUCKING AMAZING THANK YOU SO MUCH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Credit for this wonderful piece goes to MrZonian on twitter! https://twitter.com/MrZonian
