#fullwizardstrawberry

[mcnonoke]

Ok WOW you are amazing at drawing, I'm actually kind of speechless- you are very talented!!

AWWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH???

[lavieendonna]

Brushwork || ArtMajor!Calum AU (Chapter 16)

Summary: An Art Major AU where Dallas - third year gawky art student at VCA -  makes a deal with Calum - her cute new neighbour and project partner - and they spend the semester learning that the perfect masterpiece takes a whole lot of brushwork.

Date: 3 September 2016 Requested: i mean i guess?????? not officially.  Pairing: Calum + Dallas Words: 4.4K jesus  Warnings: fluffy fluffy fluffy calum goodness (oh, and there is a mention of sexual assault near the beginning)  A/N: I really hope you guys are proud of me this month/months. This is the 3rd chapter I’ve updated in the span of like 2 weeks. I haven’t been this fast since I first started posting. I’m proud of me, and I appreciate everybody who has had a hand in helping my inspiration and motivation and to anyone who just reads because the love it. Big love xo 

Check out my ‘Brushwork’ inspiration tag x Let me know if you want to be messaged when the next update of ‘Brushwork’ is available x 

Ask | Masterlist | ‘Brushwork’ Spotify Playlist | Next Chapter | ‘Brushwork’ News

Chapter 16: I Settled For Saying That Instead Because It Was Less Dramatic And Less Of A Giveaway That I Would Jump Off Of A Cliff If He Told Me It Would Make Him Happy.

Isabelle hadn’t slept over since earlier in my second year at VCA. It was different now than it was back then – Polly used to be a part of it, and together the three of us would be up ‘til all hours of the morning talking shit and drinking wine and doing each other’s hair. It was real slumber party happenings in our student apartment, but now it was… quiet.

“Is Polly even here?” B wondered out loud around 11pm. We were curled up in my bed binge watching Game of Thrones since we were both ridiculously behind (I’m talking entire seasons, here). She had a Costco sized packet of peanut M&M’s and I had the Ben & Jerry’s. Every now and then we’d swap over, but she had a tendency to hog the chocolate so we were long overdue. That’s why Polly had come up in conversation – she was good at mediating the snacks.

“I don’t actually know.” I admitted. “Probably at work.” It was dark but I felt like I could see Isabelle raise her eyebrow at the idea of Polly having a job.

“At the pub?” She questioned. Polly used to work at the local pub last year, and it didn’t occur to me that Isabelle wouldn’t have known that she quit that job a few months ago.

“No, no.” I said, trying to recall the story. “Well, yeah, but a different one. She left the other pub a few months ago. Her boss was sexually harassing her.”

“Whoa, her boss?”

“Yeah.”

“The middle-aged white lady?”

“Yep.”

“Blonde hair, always blown-out, really bad regrowth and ridiculous fake lashes?”

“The one and the same.”

“Huh.” She paused. “I didn’t think… well, she didn’t seem… the type?” I wanted to laugh at Belle’s shock, but I was much the same when Pol first mentioned it.

“Neither.” I snorted darkly. “Turns out white women become sexual predators a lot more often than we thought.”

“I’ll say.” Belle huffed, but it seemed off again. Not so much like she didn’t care that Polly had experienced harassment, but the same thing as earlier – just the mention of Polly seemed to bug her. I wanted to ask about it, but I got the feeling she was just going to tell me to buzz off.

“Are you okay?” I settled for asking quietly, almost afraid that I’d left it too long to ask and she’d fallen asleep (despite the graphic death scenes flashing before our eyes). But her breathing was still even and I felt her shrug against my shoulder.

“I’m okay.” She mumbled and then picked up the PlayStation remote to turn up the volume. I sat there with anxiety for a couple more hours as I finished the ice-cram and, eventually, drifted off into a restless sleep.

We both woke up the next morning to my phone blaring obnoxiously loud. It was too early for my alarm to be going off, which meant somebody thought it was a brilliant idea to call me at (I fished out the contraption from somewhere between the sheets) 6 in the morning. My eyes weren’t open enough to see who it was, so I just answered the damn thing before Belle started swearing at me.

“Please tell me you have a good reason for calling me right this second.” I grumbled out, teetering on the edge of sleep despite my predicament, and internally hoping it wasn’t my mother or someone who would take an equal amount of offence to me answering the phone like that.

“I’m sorry!” I could almost see his sheepish grin now. “I know it’s early. But Diaz is sick, he sent the email last night.”

“So… no class?” I asked, my voice almost cheerful. Calum waking me up at 6 o’clock in the morning was almost worth hearing the news.

“No class.” I could hear the smile in the Māori boy’s voice. “Breakfast instead? I was thinking we could finally work on the mural together today. We might even finish if we haul ass.” I chuckled weakly and yawned before I had a chance to say anything. Part of me wanted to say no and curl over and go back to bed. But the other part of me – the smarter part – was too giddy to think of anything to say that wasn’t ‘fuck yeah’. I didn’t say that, but I did yawn one more time.

“Uh, yeah alright.” I sat up and used my free hand to rub my eye (and smear my already smeared eyeliner from yesterday).

“Sweet.” Calum was smiling again, I knew it. “I’ll meet you at the door in half an hour?” I yawned again and Calum laughed. “Hopefully you’ll be awake properly by then.”

“Whatever.” I said but I laughed weakly too. “I’ll see you soon.” I didn’t really wait for Calum to reply before I hung up, but he probably didn’t mind. Much.

“Who the fuck was that?” Isabelle grumbled out in her raspy morning voice that, admittedly, was a lot sexier than mine.

“Calum.” I told her. “We’re going to go work on the mural.”

“At this hour of the morning?!” I felt like if we were awake properly and it wasn’t so damn early in the morning, my sister would be yelling at me.

“Yeah, class got cancelled.” I explained, looking around the room to find where I’d abandoned my jeans. I couldn’t find the ones from yesterday, weirdly enough, so I found a different pair of light-wash skinny jeans that were ripped at the knees and paired it with an old, over-sized grey Draco Malfoy tee that already had paint all over it from previous projects.

“Do you want to come?” I asked when I realised Belle would be here on her own to face the wrath of Polly (I assumed Polly had wrath, anyway). But she didn’t reply with words, so much as a muffled snore. I turned to look over my shoulder and, naturally, the girl had passed out again.

I snuck out as quietly as I could, grabbing my bag with my sketch book and colour swatches, my wallet, phone and keys in my hands before I slipped into a pair of worn-in black flats and tip-toed out of my bedroom, trying as hard as I could to make as little sounds as possible (which, obviously, was impossible considering it’s me we’re talking about. I dropped about a million things and actually swore kind of loudly when I hit my hip on the corner of my dresser).

There was a part of me was waiting for Polly to be sitting in a swivelling chair out in the living room, turning on the lights dramatically as she swung around in her reveal and demanded to know where I was going. Because that was definitely something she would do – knowing her, she’d even borrow somebody’s cat and go full Godfather on my ass. But, again, that smarter part of me knew that was ridiculous, and that I didn’t really owe her this one either. Polly had a flair for the dramatic, and being so invested in my life wasn’t a right.

I finally made it out of the front door, and as promised, Calum was waiting on the other side, beaming at me like he’d been awake for hours. He was in similar get-up to mine – dark skinny jeans, spotted with paint and ripped a few times at the knees and thighs, and a red flannel, that looked kind of too big for his limbs, thrown over a similarly paint-sotted black tank. It annoyed me a little bit, too, because he looked so damn good, even in flip-flops, and I looked like a toddler from day-care.  

“I hope you know breakfast is on you.” I took for telling him over my shoulder while I locked up, trying to mask my frustration as being because of the hour of the morning and not because of my growing butterflies. “You don’t get to wake me up this early and not feed me.” Calum laughed and when I turned around to greet him properly, it was almost as if he was smirking at me, but like… fondly. I didn’t even know that was possible and yet here he was, making it a thing.

“Yeah, alright, that’s fair.” He chuckled at me with a nod before pulling me in for a ‘good morning’ hug which, you know, wasn’t overly unusual. What was out of the ordinary was that he pressed his lips to my temple and held me just longer than he normally would have, and that kind of sent me into a bit of a puddle. My knees were shaking so much I was pretty sure he could feel the trembling, too. “Cold?” He asked, and that’s when I knew for sure that he could. I just nodded with pursed lips, too scared to open my mouth in case I vomited on his feet. Not at them. On them.

“One sec.” He let me go and I desperately started to wipe my hands on my jeans on the off chance he miraculously wanted to hold hands at some point. I mean, if he was smart he wouldn’t. But everyone was under the impression we were “something” and I was under the impression that if two people like us were “something” then usually the “something’s” would hold hands at some point. I really kind of hoped that wouldn’t be today.

Anyway, Calum had disappeared for a short moment back into his apartment, and just as I was about to ask what the hell he was doing, he remerged with a black Dickies hoodie in hand.

“Here.” He said, offering me the sweatshirt with a fairly neutral expression. I just stared at it for a moment, bewildered at his complete underestimation of how much I would overthink everything he did for me from the moment he decided he liked me.

“I could have done that myself, you know.” I took to saying when he nudged the soft fabric at my goose-bump-covered arm. Calum just shrugged, totally unfussed.

“Eh, you’d already locked up.” Was his justification and then he grinned the lazy grin I kind of loved and I rolled my eyes at it to stop myself from melting any further.

“Well, thanks.” I laughed, handing him my bag while I pulled the hoodie over my head. It was kind of big, and I had to roll the sleeves back a little so my hands would be free, but it was warm and it smelled like Calum and I actually kind of forgot to be nervous the moment I pulled my hair out from inside and took my bag back from Calum who was watching me carefully. “How do I look?” I gave him a cheeky pose.

“I didn’t realise how much smaller than me you were.” He noted. “But it looks good.” I blushed again, but before I could say ‘thanks’ again he cut me off with a very serious look. “I want it back, by the way.” I bunched the collar up over my nose and mouth, shaking my head wildly.

“Nuh-uh. I like it.” I said, muffled but the soft fleece on the inside. “I want it.”

“I’ll buy you your own.” Calum said pointedly as we made our way out of the building. “But that one is the only one I have left that isn’t so scratchy.” I gave a loud laugh.

“Wow.” I deadpanned. “The only reason you won’t let me keep it is because it’s the least shitty one you own. No sentimental value at all?” I stared at him wide-eyed and teasingly. Calum rolled his eyes and I think he was even pouting a little bit.

“No, there is…” He mumbled, refusing to look at me. I bit my lip, holding in the laugh. “My mum bought it for me before I moved to Melbourne.”

I was still laughing about Calum being a Mama’s Boy when we reached the only on-campus place that served breakfast food – and to our displeasure, that was Bitters. We weren’t too keen on shitty tasting coffee and stale toast, but we were lazy and didn’t exactly want to walk any further than we needed to either. We chose the lesser of the evils – sometimes ass-tasting coffee wasn’t the biggest problem in the world.

The whole time we talked and joked (and Calum teased me about my various scars and bruises from our last early morning), I couldn’t get over how normal this was starting to feel. Early mornings with Calum, breakfast with Calum, conversations that were leading nowhere with no meaning whatsoever, while simultaneously seeming to bleed some kind of hidden wisdom that we would come to realise a little bit later. The butterflies never went away, but instead of making me feel sick it was almost like it was a comfortable encouragement that maybe, just maybe, nothing was going to immediately go wrong this time.

I was scaring myself a little bit, actually, how weirdly okay with this I was. I still trembled a little bit whenever Calum’s ankles brushed mine under the table, and my blood still settled deep in my cheeks whenever he complimented me or hinted slightly that he had feelings for me more than ‘yeah she’s pretty alright, let’s test a theory’. But it was becoming easier to ignore them – or, at least, rationalise with myself that maybe there was a chance that the world wouldn’t end if I felt a little bit safe with Calum. This was a big step for me. The last time I felt involuntarily safe around this guy I freaked out and threw myself into a spiral of depression, just about killing myself in my own stench when I refused to shower. Right now, I was seriously impressed that I hadn’t tried to smother myself in my bed covers. Or hang myself with my own hair.

“Hey, did you ever end up figuring out what tattoo you want yet?” Calum suddenly asked, excited, and snapping me out of my deep train of thought with a fright. I flinched. I knew that eventually we would end up talking about this again, and I was ridiculously underprepared for it.

“Uh, no…” I gave a tight-lipped grimace and Calum’s face fell, disappointed.

“What? Why?” He asked, and if I didn’t know him better I would have thought maybe he was actually kind of offended. I shrugged, my face contorted into some kind of frown crossed with a pout.

“I just…?!” I gave a defeated laugh, burying my face in my hands as I leant my elbows on the table in front of me.  Calum laughed, his hands grabbing my wrists and pulling my hands away so he could look at my face with raised eyebrows.

“Just what?” He asked me.

I sighed. “Alright, honestly? Most of it is that I just forgot.” I admitted and Calum raised a thick brow at me.

“Uh... what?” He was struggling for words, I could see it. “How do you forget to design a tattoo?” I shrugged again through a kind of uncomfortable laugh. Calum’s hands were still kind of wrapped around mine, our fingers some kind of intertwined together on top of the table. ‘This is how!’ I felt like screaming. ‘You are the reason I forget my own fucking name half the time!’

“I don’t know.” I settled for saying that instead because it was less dramatic and less of a giveaway that I would jump off of a cliff if he told me it would make him happy. “Things have been kind of… busy, I guess. Kind of.”

“Have they?” Calum questioned me, not so much challenging the statement but more so as if he genuinely hadn’t realised that – surprise! – student life can get kind of full on sometimes.

“I mean… well, yeah.”  I said, leaning back against my chair, leaving my hands beneath Calum’s. I tried to convince myself that it was for warmth, but I was already wearing his hoodie so that didn’t really work out very well. “The mural has been kinda kicking our asses, and the same with my other classes... Plus there’s this whole thing with Polly, and my sister, and my mother and Ashton and work – it’s just…” I trailed off my sentence because it was becoming impossible to finish it without giving myself an anxiety attack. My heart rate was already starting to spike (although, that could have been the caffeine).

“Jesus.” Calum mumbled under his breath, and I nodded my head in agreement while I mumbled a quiet ‘yeah’. “Hold up, your sister? What about your sister?”

“She’s here.” I said simply, thinking back to yesterday morning when she arrived and how weird it was that she’d come unannounced.

“Here, as in, ‘on campus’ here?” Calum asked and I nodded.

“Yeah, she was still sleeping when I left.” I said with a small smile that lasted only a second or two. “I think she’s been having a hard time. I didn’t know she was coming and she seemed kind of off yesterday.”

“Oh.” Calum paused, and I could see the gears grinding in his head from across the table. “If… I mean, you should have said.” He said with a small frown of worry. “If I’d known B was here I would have let you spend some time with her.” I shook my head, waving Calum off immediately. I mean, it was sweet that he was worried about her and about me not spending time with her – but, honestly, this was probably going to be more interesting than anything my sister and I would have come up with to do today.

“Nah, don’t stress.” I told him carefully. “I took her out to lunch yesterday and we had a good talk. And she slept over last night, so I think she’s okay now.”

“If you’re sure.” He said carefully, and then between the two of us we decided that if we had any more coffee we were going to shit our pants.

We gathered our things and, as promised (read: threatened), Calum paid for our meals. I said thank you, even though I’d made him do it, and Calum rolled his eyes at me and continued to dish it back until we’d reached the storage studio where all our paints were, and again until we’d reached the mural.

And we kept talking shit for an hour or so, each of us on one end of the mural and working on the detailing. Eventually we just stopped talking, both of us lost in our own little world of paint and tutus and faceless ballerinas.

“Can I ask you something?” Calum asked me, seemingly out of nowhere, around 10am. He was still sitting up on a step ladder, working on the final ballerina while I was sitting down on the ground and doing detailing on the background in the first section of the wall.

“Is that the question?” I replied with a small chuckle, mostly to myself because I was really on a roll today and it was putting me in a good mood. The quiet was nice, and being quiet with Calum was a lot more comforting than I thought it would be. Turns out, Calum was the kind of guy that didn’t make the silence awkward. He seemed just as content with it as I was – except for now, where I could sense that something was on his mind.

“Ha, ha.” He deadpanned. “I’m serious.” I looked over at him and his expression toward me was pointed. I just nodded back, curious, but also moderately terrified. Calum stared down at me, not concerned or worried, not even angry or upset. He looked more confused than anything. Like he was trying to figure me out or something.

“Why don’t you want to be the ballerina?”

I wasn’t sure why I wasn’t expecting him to ask, but I wasn’t, and the longer he stared at me waiting for my reply, the more uncomfortable I was starting to get. I shifted under the weight of his stare, looking away and turning back to my piece of wall that was meant to look like a shadow (though it was starting to look more like a brown blob than anything).

“I, uh…” I cleared my throat, suddenly unsure of what to say. And I stayed quiet for some time, trying to find the right truth.

“Dallas?” He prompted. I gave a small sigh, and offered a small, tight lipped smile. Not necessarily to Calum, but just into the space between us.

“I, um. I just… don’t think I am up to that kind of standard.” I settled for saying, and when I said the words out loud I knew they were true. I could see Calum not understanding, the look in his eyes almost more confused than they were before, and I bit my lip, trying to find a way to make him understand. “Ballerinas are… perfection.” I explained. “And I’m…” I gave a nearly wild shrug, kind of gesturing to all of myself in the hopes that he’d get it – that I was just me, and that no matter how many time I re-gathered the pieces of me that fell apart, I was never going to find the same peace in my mistakes. I wasn’t upset about it, I’d learnt to accept who I was a long time ago. I just didn’t understand why Calum was so intent on thinking I was any different.

“You’re pretty great, Dal.” He said softly, and I nearly didn’t hear him because he was so high up. My head snapped up to where I could see him, and when I looked he was smiling softly at me, the way he did when I knew he’d been watching me for longer than I’d been looking at him. I just rolled my eyes at him and turned away again, wishing that I hadn’t tied my hair up into its bun so it would be easier to hide my blush.

“Right.” I huffed. I didn’t believe him, but I couldn’t help smiling as if I did. The familiar warmness, the butterflies… it was almost exciting, if I thought about it from the right angle.

It wasn’t long until Calum spoke again.

“Are you nervous for showcase?” He asked, less serious now and the air between us a little lighter. I shrugged.

“I’m always nervous.” I said pointedly and the boy didn’t even laugh which offended me slightly (but only slightly – it was a fair point, he didn’t need to be a genius to see I was completely terrified by life). “But yeah, I guess so. I mean, I only have the mural reveal that night. But still.” I gave another shrug, content with my answer and Calum seemed to accept it too. When I looked back up at him he seemed lost in his art again, one brush in his mouth, his pallet in his left hand as he concentrated deeply on the beading of the final tutu.

“Are you?” I asked, relaxing for a bit, letting my posture slouch as I looked up to Calum’s great height.

“Hmm?” He murmured.

“Nervous.” I clarified. “About showcase.” He didn’t reply for what felt like forever. I couldn’t tell if he was just distracted by the art or if he was thinking, the way I did. I’d turned back to my pallet and started painting again by the time Calum replied.

“I don’t think so.” He said conclusively, and I’d almost forgotten what I’d asked already. “We… well, look at this. We’ve done some amazing work.” I hummed in agreement. Showcase was in just over a week, and even though we were still so behind, what we had was pretty damn cool. “My folio is being displayed in the library, too.”

“Really?” I was surprised at how exciting that sounded to me. Calum nodded and he seemed to beam down on me like the walking embodiment of the sun that he was.

“I can’t wait for you to see it.” He said, and I was just so blown away by his confidence. I’d never seen someone so… in their element. It was… hell, it was kind of inspirational if I was honest.

“So you’re not nervous?” I asked again with a crooked smile. “At all?” He shook his head with a small chuckle.

“Nah.” He waved me off. “I’ve got bigger things to be nervous about.” His smile turned into a tiny smirk, and from where I was sitting it looked like he shot me a wink. I snorted unattractively, biting my lip so I didn’t laugh in his face (figuratively, of course. There was still six feet and a step ladder between us, you see).

“Are… Are you talking about our date?!” I asked, completely bewildered, at this point, at the look of seemingly genuine anxiety inside the boy’s chocolate eyes.

“It is still happening, right?” He asked fearfully and I couldn’t help the eyebrow quirk.

“Uh, yeah.” I managed to chuckle out before his worries started to catch on, and my ability to jump to the worst conclusions got the better of me. “Why, do you not want it to?” I asked, all traces of amusement slipping from my face, and a whole new level of panic rising in Calum’s.

“No!” He said almost too quickly, and he immediately realised what that sounded like and tried to correct it before I had a stroke and died the night before our first official date. “Shit, n-no… Argh, yes! I mean yes!” He closed his eyes for a second and took a breath, letting it out in a small laugh of his own that wasn’t really making me feel better, but he was trying, and that was the main thing.

“I do still want it to happen.” He explained through that small crooked, awkwardly adorable smile. “I’m just… well, I’m kinda nervous.” I shook my head, looking away and trying to hide my blush yet again.

“You don’t have to be nervous, Cal.” I said quietly. I shrugged again before I looked back up at him – but only for a moment. “It’s just me.”

“It’s more than just you, Dallas.” He drawled out, and when I looked up with a cocked eyebrow, Calum was wearing that same pointed look from before. “Anyway, I’m excited too. I like spending time with you.”

The grin I gave back was slow and crooked and filled with warmth and I couldn’t stop it even though I was trying my hardest.

“Me too.” I said simply. My heart was racing again, and it had nothing to do with the caffeine.

[lavieendonna]

Brushwork || Art Major!Calum AU (Chapter 13)

Summary: An Art Major AU where Dallas - third year gawky art student at VCA -  makes a deal with Calum - her cute new neighbour and project partner - and they spend the entire year learning that the perfect masterpiece takes a whole lot of brushwork.

Date: 4 August 2017 Requested: surprisingly yes like half a millennia ago  Pairing: Calum + Dallas Words: 4K Warnings: a little bit of self-esteem issues and some body image negativity in the beginning, but the rest is quite fluffy and calum-y goodness.  A/N: don’t ask me how long ago this was meant to be up cuz i can guarantee none of us were alive. IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE and i apologise in advance cuz the next one will probably be late too. I hope the content makes up for it though, this is one of my favourite chapters so far and I can’t wait to write more. PLEASE let me know what you think and KEEP REQUESTING THE NEXT PARTS ! It helps me write to know people are still reading :) big love x 

Ask | Masterlist | ‘Brushwork’ Spotify Playlist | Next Chapter | ‘Brushwork’ News

Chapter 13: If Calum Touched Me Again I Would Go Into Cardiac Arrest And He’d Have To Explain To Polly And My Sister That My Heart Couldn’t Take The Feeling Of His Skin On Mine So I Chose To Succumb to Death Instead.

I felt him slide into the bed behind me. I wasn’t sure I was completely awake yet, or at least, I didn’t think I was. But I couldn’t mistake his warmth for anybody else’s, there was no way that was ever going to be possible.

“Dallas…” His voice was a whisper, and even though I was on some other plane of existence, I could still feel the slight smirk on his lips as his arms snaked around my waist and shoulders and he pulled me to him, bowing his frame to match mine as his mouth pressed against the skin of my bare shoulder. “Wake up, Sunshine…”

His lips peppered the lightest of kisses along what flesh of my shoulders and neck he could reach at that angle and for a moment I contemplated continuing to dance on the edge of consciousness just so I could feel him adore me in his own time a little more. I could never imagine what went through his mind when I wasn’t around. Part of me wished I was facing him, nose to nose, so that I could glimpse through my lashes at what his face might have looked like when he watched me when I wasn’t looking.

But I understood that some of these moments, they were his to have. I wasn’t meant to memorise every expression he had no matter how much I longed too.

With a deep breath, I cracked my eyes open and gazed over my shoulder with squinted, sleepy eyes and a lazy grin.

“Morning to you, too.” I mumbled in my less-cute, raspy morning voice. I felt a chuckle rumble deep in his chest, and the feeling made me want to press my heart up against his. I shifted in his arms, burrowing myself deeper into his arms so our chests were pressed tight against one another. I glanced up through my lashes and he was looking down on me already with the hint of smirk and the ghost of some mischievous thought deep set in chocolate brown eyes.

“Is this okay?” He whispered to me, almost like he was teasing me. I cocked a sleepy eyebrow, and just as I opened my mouth to ask what he meant he leaned in and covered my lips with his own.

They were exactly like I remembered them.

And they also weren’t real.

I opened my eyes for real this time and I was sweating from head to toe. It was late winter and I felt like I had heat stroke. I sighed, trying to stop the hyperventilating, and sat up to bury my face in my hands. It wasn’t like the dream I’d just escaped was a nightmare or anything and yet here I was, heart racing like it was. Don’t ask me why, because I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to.

When fished out my phone from the depths of my bed covers to check the time, I groaned when I realised that it was only just past six in the morning. It was too late to go back to sleep and too early to really do anything productive. But I felt lazy and lethargic – I’d been holed up in my room for nearly three days coming out only to take a dump every 12 hours. And while usually that was, like, a dream scenario for me, this time it didn’t make me feel overly good about myself. After the Wedding Incident™ I was relieved to spend that entire week wallowing in self-pity and hiding from everyone in existence. This time, though I still wanted to be invisible to society, the self-pity thing wasn’t doing much for me.

With a huff, I decided to do something I almost never did on my own out of fear of death and no one noticing. I pulled on a pair of black leggings that clung to my legs like a second skin, threw on an old baggy grey t-shirt and unearthed my bright green Adidas sneakers from the depths of my laundry pile under the bed and stared at myself in the mirror.

I hadn’t been to the gym in weeks, I’d forgotten what I looked like in my version of work-out clothes. I pulled the grey fabric of my shirt close to my frame, bunching it up behind my back and I cringed. I looked like a dickhead. I looked like a dickhead who needed to go to the gym. My thighs were bigger than usual and my love handles were more than pronounced without my Spanx on. I didn’t even want to think about the pudge that was supposedly my stomach now so I let my shirt go angrily, grabbed my phone and earphones and the loose change from my trinket tray and stormed out of my room and the apartment.

I decided (upon the realisation that I was too broke to actually go to the gym) that a nice long run to push the limits would help me release the tension and anger I had that was making my body feel so heavy and idle and stuck. I was stuck on how to feel about the situation I’d found myself in; angry that Polly had to be so brash and unapologetic. I was angry that my Mum didn’t understand me, and that Calum wasn’t home when I woke up. I was angry that this all had to happen to me – and me specifically – because I was perfectly fine flying under the radar. I was as perfectly fine as I could be just being Dallas Noel James with minimal-to-no complications.

By the time I had realised how truly furious I was I had worked up a sprint. I had no idea where I was going or how far I’d gone – it seemed like I’d been running for hours. My chest was heaving and my face was red. I could feel the sweat sticking to my skin and drenching the t-shirt on my back. I smelt terrible an I was getting a wicked migraine from not drinking any water (or even bringing any to begin with). But for some reason the burn was comforting me more than any friend or family member I had could have.

I finally slowed to a stop in the middle of a deserted and some-what-dark park. There were a couple of street lamps on, but the first light of sun was just visible behind the trees that surrounded me. I was heaving, a lot more than I was this morning, and the skin from my neck up felt red. My thighs burned and I had a stitch where my liver was probably meant to be. But I felt lighter – for a minute.

“Dallas?”

God, every time I heard my name it made me want to throw up. Or die.

I stopped attempting to stretch and turned around slowly to find no one else by the boy with the brown puppy dog eyes.

“I didn’t know you ran.” He said plainly and while I wasn’t really offended, I raised my eyebrows at the boy to see the panic rise in his eyes and drown any surprise that was lurking there. “Oh, I didn’t mean – No, Dallas, I mean… uh. That’s. I’m sorry. That was… that did sound like that in my head.” Calum cringed and I let myself force out a quite huff of a chuckle.

“It’s okay.” I laughed. “Um, I don’t run. Usually.” I explained. “Not in public anyway. I just didn’t have enough money for the gym this morning.” Calum wandered over with a sheepish smile, his black stretched out singlet willowing in the crisp morning breeze and making him seem skinner than usual. He wore a pair of baggy shorts, too, and (surprise) black Reebok’s.

“I didn’t know you went to the gym, either.” He was a bit cheekier with that line and I quirked an eyebrow at him. “You just didn’t seem the type!” He defended himself, palms in the air like he was surrendering.

“I guess not.” I laughed again and then I felt the familiar awkward feeling settle in my stomach when the small talk came to a lull and I was left standing there on the brink of death while Calum just watched me. I watched him back, but still. I didn’t think I looked like I was thinking a million things all at once.

“How’ve you been? Polly said you’ve been upset.” Calum finally said and I watched the playfulness leave his eyes and instead of making me panic it made me… sigh.

“Did she, now?” I said, pursing my lips and looking away from Calum’s face, hand on the back of my neck as I tried to ignore the sweat that was there that made my insides squirm. “Is that all she had to say?” When I glanced back at Calum he was frowning a little, lips turned down as he gave a small shrug.

“I mean, I guess.” He didn’t seem sure about that. “She said she hadn’t really seen you in a couple days. Reckons that meant you were upset.” Calum suddenly looked worried he’d said the wrong thing. I didn’t like seeing him so unsure, it tugged on my heartstrings more than usual and it was an uncomfortable feeling. So, I chuckled, and though it didn’t relieve much of the tension, Calum seemed to even out his breathing a little bit.

“Polly isn’t always right, you know.” I said very pointedly. “I’m fine, I’ve just been… busy?” I cringed. I started that sentence off so well but half-way through I realised I didn’t really have a good enough excuse to have been holed up in my room for so long, and then it sort of just came out like a question. It was Calum’s turn to cock his eyebrow at me unbelievingly and I tensed under his gaze, my cheeks flaring pink for a new reason now.

“Busy?” He questioned me and I gave a deathly slow nod, brain still running blank for anything to save me from my myself. “Are you sure?”

I didn’t say anything and just started to walk back in the direction I’d come from. Calum followed along beside me, naturally, saying nothing, naturally, and waiting for me to decide when I was ready to talk. I wasn’t, really, but the longer we spent walking in silence (apart from my erratic breathing mixing in with the wind) the more uncomfortable I got. I had to say something or it was going to eat me alive and I’d probably end up falling apart in Calum’s arms for a third time and I was worried that if Calum touched me again I would go into cardiac arrest and he’d have to explain to Polly and my sister that my heart couldn’t take the feeling of his skin on mine so I chose to succumb to death instead. I’d embarrassed myself enough for one lifetime.

“I, um.” I tried to clear my throat but it didn’t work too well and I ended up choking on my breath and coughing up a lung. Calum offered me his water and I took it graciously, careful not to let our fingers touch. “Thanks.” He chuckled lightly as I handed back the blue bottle.

“You were saying?” He smiled gently. I wanted to die just from that look, it was so cute.

“I – yeah.” I took a deep breath. “I just, um. I needed some time to think.” Was what I come up with and, without jinxing it, I was actually kind of proud of my honesty. “It was a crazy weekend.” I watched from the corner of my eye as Calum nodded with a slight smirk twitching on his lips.

“I heard.” He said, managing hold in his laughter I could see threatening to spill musically from pink lips. “Tequila and pizza party, huh?” He side-eyed me and I gave an uncomfortable, clearly embarrassed titter. I coughed lightly again, sheepish, and Calum sniggered.

“Yeah…” I mumbled. “After…. everything… Polly and Ashton wanted to relax and show me how we’d done.” There was a small lull in the conversation as Calum and I both thought back to that night and how I’d ended up a sobbing mess in his bed in the middle of the night. I cringed at the memory and when I looked back up at Calum, the playfulness in his eyes had died and he looked positively worried. Guilty, even, but mostly afraid. Of what, who knew. I was under the impression he was a modern-day Hercules and wasn’t afraid of anything.

“You didn’t like the photos?” He asked and my eyes widened.

“What? No.” I accidentally yelled. “I mean, no, I-I did.” My mouth gaped like a fish as I tried to recover that sentence. The look in Calum’s eyes hadn’t changed – in fact I think I’d just made it worse – and I desperately needed to change that.

“I didn’t mean that. Of course, I liked them.” I said slower. “I loved them.” Slowly, Calum looked less hurt and more… concerned. His eyebrow twitched as he was trying to piece together everything that happened with everything I’d just said. Part of me wished he wouldn’t – there was so much about that night that I didn’t remember, but I remembered enough that I didn’t want to relive any of it either.

“So what happened?” He asked. “Why… why were you so upset?” I tried to play it off.

“I’m an emotional drunk?” I said with a hopeful smile and a shrug. Calum didn’t fall for it, he just gave me a sidelong look. I sighed. “Sorry.”

“Why do you do that?” Calum was frowning now, not necessarily in a disappointed way, just in a confused way. “Every time someone tries to get into your head and ask if you’re okay you play it off like it doesn’t matter.”

“Because it doesn’t!” I gave a dark, unintentional laugh into the open air around us. The sun had come up from behind the trees behind us, now, but even with the rays hitting our backs I still shivered. “It doesn’t matter why I get upset because there are bigger problems in the world.” I looked Calum dead in the eyes this time, because that was the truth and he was never going to believe me if I didn’t look him in the eyes for longer than a millisecond. “I don’t like feeling full of myself. And if I get over it and stop feeling sorry for myself then maybe there’s a chance social demise won’t be my thing for much longer.”

Saying it all out loud, repeating Ashton and Polly’s words, hurt. And it made me want to start running all over again.

Calum’s fingers brushed mine ever so slightly and when I didn’t immediately recoil from his touch, Calum intertwined his fingers with mine. My heart rate sky rocketed, but I was surprisingly cool about it (apart from the fact that I couldn’t stop staring at our hands and wondering if maybe the gaps in his hands were meant for mine to fill them).

“It does matter.” He told me, and it wasn’t quiet or careful or even remotely like he was feeling sorry for me at all. “But just because you don’t want to be upset anymore, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to feel anything.”

I didn’t look at him when he spoke or even after. I just let him squeeze my hand gently for a moment and then when I was ready, I let it go.

“I’ll race you to the McDonald’s at the end of the street.” I said and took off without letting him agree. He yelled out after me and called me a bitch through a loud laugh and I laughed back and just pumped my arms and prayed that maybe I’d be better than Calum at something. I had no idea what possessed me to think that I could beat Calum at anything let alone at running. He was this athletic God and this was the first time I’d been running in – well, I didn’t even know how long.

It was inevitable that Calum would not only beat me, but have ordered us breakfast already (I gave up when he breezed passed me two seconds but also again when I tripped over my own feet and fell flat on my face).

“Here.” Calum was still laughing after I told him what happened. I scowled as I took the napkins he’d gone and gotten for me and pressed one to the gash on my cheek and balled another in my fist to stop the bleeding on my palm. “How’s your knee?”

“Shut up.” I rolled my eyes but a smile twitched on my lips even though the bruise on my knee throbbed at the mention of it. Calum laughed one more time before gesturing for me to move the napkin from my face. I did as I was told and watched Calum inspect the wound as if he knew what he was looking at from a completely medical perspective.

“This is your fault, you know.” I told him very matter-of-factly. His eyes widened but they didn’t meet mind.

“In what world?!” He wailed at me and I winced when he started dabbing a fresh napkin to the now-slowing bleeding on my face a little too roughly, over the table even though it probably wasn’t overly comfortable for him.

“In the world that if you’d left me alone this morning and finished your run on your own without me!” Calum rolled his eyes and offered me a challenging look.

“Yeah, cuz that’s such a polite thing to do.” He deadpanned, and I cocked my eyebrow at him in my own challenge.

“Yeah, and in what world do you care about being polite?” I smirked. I was sure I had him now. Yes, the sweet, sweet taste of Revenge Sass™.

“Hey,” Calum’s eyes were playful again, but there was something else there deep set in his eyes that I couldn’t quite recognise. “I like to be polite to the girls I like.”  

Calum took back his hand and the napkin as if he hadn’t just said the words that would be the cause of my death. I was suddenly finding it hard to breath, especially as Calum left at the sound of the girl behind the counter calling out our number.

Be it hopeful (or maybe in my case, fearful) thinking, or just a case of complete dumbass-ery, I could only think of one thing Calum could have meant by the words girls that he liked. And I was dumbfounded and almost horrified because there was no way I could have fallen into that category.

I mean, sure, we’d established some grounds that we were friends and he’d have to like me to some extent for either of us to be able to admit that. But, like. It was me. He was Calum. Did he like me? Like, like-like, me? Like that?

I was having a brain aneurism trying to figure I out, and by the time Calum returned with the try of warm food, hot coffee and he was already talking about something else.

“Anyway,” He sat down and started to divide the food. He’d gotten two of everything – two breakfast muffins, two sets of hot cakes, to coffees and two juices (and two hashbrowns each!). I probably wasn’t going to finish it all, but I would try if it meant Calum would talk to me a little longer.  “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

“Uh, okay.” I busied my mouth with my muffin so I wouldn’t say something dumb.

“About the other night.”

“Uh. Okay?”

“When you were in my bed.”

“Yeah, alright, don’t remind me.” I shuddered. That was the first time someone had said the actual words out loud. They sounded… unlike me. But Calum laughed at my reaction and continued talking like I’d said nothing.

“You left something behind that night.” I was already praying it wasn’t my underwear. “I found your sketch book on my desk the next morning, after you’d left.” And I was officially fucked. Calum’s grin spread from ear to ear. “Dallas, your work, those pieces are incredible!” He was so excited. “I mean, I knew you were talented but holy shit.” He was talking with his mouth full and I was smiling sheepishly, uncomfortably, and my stomach wasn’t ready for this information after the last thing he’d said. I didn’t even realise that my book was missing, let alone that Calum had it. I really felt like I was going into cardiac arrest now – or maybe I was having a stroke. Who knows.

“Uh.” I sipped at my coffee, welcoming the almost burnt taste despite burnt coffee being one of my least favourite things. “Yeah, thanks… It, um. Yeah, I work really hard on those.”

Despite everything, I couldn’t pretend hearing Calum say that didn’t feel even a little good.

“I can tell.” He nodded. “I had a thought, and I wanna run it passed you.”

I looked at Calum, saying nothing and just watching as the brown eyed boy collected his thoughts and rearranged the words in his mouth. I watched and waited and part of me was curious about what he had to say. The other part was afraid, because I had a feeling I knew where this was going.

“I wanna use your latest drawings for the mural. I want to use the ballet dancer, paint her as a figurine or a music box or something, and then have her fall apart piece by piece and then put back together in a different pose. I’ve drawn up a rough sketch based on your drawings back home, but what do you think?”

It went where I thought it would, and I was less afraid than I thought I would be. Truth had it, that’s what the ballerina drawings were for. Not that exact design that Calum had described, but when I was drawing her I was thinking about how much time ballet dancers spent trying to be the embodiment of perfection and how even their mistakes looked more elegant when they didn’t call them mistakes and instead just found… peace.

I didn’t need to see Calum’s rough sketch to know that I wanted to go ahead with his design. So that’s what I said.

“I’m in.” I said with a grin. “Yeah, that sounds perfect. Let’s do it.” Calum’s grin stayed lopsided and happy.

“Will you be the ballerina?” He asked, eyes hopeful and excited. I blinked at him, a little blankly and not too sure what he meant.

“Huh?” I asked over my coffee. “What do you mean?”

“Can we paint the ballerina… well, can she look like you?” He clarified and I felt both flattered and embarrassed.

“Oh.” I mumbled out some weird inhuman murmur that weren’t really words at all. “Oh, no, I don’t – um. That’s probably not a good idea.” I chuckled and Calum just looked at me longingly.

“Why not?” He smiled, trying to encourage me to change my mind, I think. “You did really well at the shoot, the photos are beautiful.” I blushed again from the neck up. But instead of stuttering I cleared my throat and shrugged.

“We’ll see.” I said and Calum grinned again, tucking into his hotcakes more chipper than before.

“I have one more question.” He told me after a few minutes of comfortable silence. I looked up, sipping at my juice through the straw and putting the cup back down.

“What’s that?”

“Luke’s singing at this low key open mic night thing Friday night and he asked for some moral support.” Calum cleared his throat. “Do you… I dunno, do you wanna maybe come with me?” I nodded slowly, thinking.

“Yeah, I mean,” I shrugged again. “If Luke wants me there, sure.” Calum chuckled.

“Uh, right.” He just about snorted, he was trying so hard not to laugh. “Well the thing is, I want you there.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Like a date?” I asked. Calum smiled.

“Yeah.” He said. “Yeah, let’s call it a date.”

[lavieendonna]

GUESS WHAT ART MAJOR CALUM AU IS GETTING UPDATED TODAY

[lavieendonna]

Oh my gOD THE NEW BRUSHWORK WAS AMAZING IM ACTUALLY CRYING I MISSED IT SO MUCH! DALLAS AND CALUM ARE SO CUTE

THANK YOU ! I’d been trying to work on it this entire time and I was finally struck with decent enough inspiration to finish it hahahahaha I’m so glad you liked it

[weltonlasso]

This means war is terrible but I can't stop giggling every time Chris comes on screen- like he's so good looking??!!

I know right!! It’s crazy how great looking he is... glad you agree that movie was bad though. it def had me laughing for the wrong reasons for sure. 

[calumsbtich-blog]

Ahhhh I really loved the boxer imagine! I love your writing❤️❤️

thank you so much!!! i actually really liked that one too so hey, that’s something!😂

[lavieendonna]

Ahhhh I forgot to ask how was SLFL?!! I hope you had fun❤️❤️

YO YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE!!!!! it was the greatest moment I’ve had all year! Sooo much fun, it was legit just a giant party and I felt so honoured to be at their first homecoming show and they fucking killed it! They all looked so good and I fell in love with Calum all over again. I wish I could go to all of their shows it was just honestly so amazing.