" and if anyone bothers you.. or asks you about you know what – i need you to call me okay? even if it’s a teacher. i’ll be right here to pick you up. “ teddy’s mother reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her daughter’s ear, brushing her thumb over her cheek before handing her some change for the public phone. “ mom i’ll be fine. “ the young girl sighed before she climbed out of the car. “ i’m taking the bus back home. “ she said quickly before slamming the car door shut. she turned on her heels and faced the building – high school. her mother was right to be worried. the once so normal school girl with the good grades was now front cover news. like a character straight out of a horror movie: risen from the grave. how did she survive for so long ? what happened that night ? people often tried to ask her question she didn’t know the answer to. or maybe she did and simply didn’t want to think about it. the girl tried to focus on the sound of her shoes clicking on the concrete, keeping her breathing steady and her eyes on the horizon. teddy could tell heads were turning with every single step she took. “ you just have to get through this day. “ she mumbled to herself as she walked straight past jeremy and her old group of friends to get to her locker. she started turning the lock, completely ignoring the people around her. “ twenty.. thirty-three, sixteen, eight..” she could feel herself getting frustrated as she failed to get her code right. “ i feel like i’m going to faint – there’s teddy. “ georgia – one of her friends whispered, watching the girl struggle with widened eyes. “ do we just - like, walk over and help ? “ teddy let out a frustrated groan as she banged her fist against the locker. “ fuck ! “
MAXWELL: how many folks should i be buying christmas presents for in your family
MAXWELL: like give me a rundown on who i’ll be seeing
MAXWELL: i'm ready to be the best fake boyfriend you ever had
MAXWELL: also i should probably know this already but whats your favorite flower
the morning after was awkward. they were at a cabin, alone, the night after sleeping together. the two of them has been best friends for as long as he could remember, but this was a situation he never thought he’d encounter with the other and truly didn’t know how to handle it. “uh,” he shook his head before cutting himself off, ultimately deciding that he didn’t want to talk about it.
a loud sigh escaped winnie's lips after she closed the door behind her. it felt great to be back home after such a long day of reading scripts and practicing monologues. she felt incredibly blessed to be able to share a little apartment with her boyfriend –– knowing they finally had some sort of privacy. “ so apparently i’m too shy to be an actress. “ she told nate while she took her time to hang up her coat. “ i read my script, i practiced my lines but it was too tame and lacked sex appeal ? so i’m basically sexless and shy. that’s what they are saying. “ she pouted while she walked towards him, leaning down to kiss his lips. “ how was your day ? “ she grinned, sitting down on his lap. “ look at you, you’re looking good today – i didn’t get to kiss you goodbye this morning. “
winnie’s day had been quite crazy ( to say the least ) . her brother obviously knew exactly what was going on and wouldn’t stop asking her about the ‘ red spots ‘ in her neck. even though she tried her best to come up with some silly excuse – she knew no one would believe her lies. she had noticed the way her father glared at her over his newspaper in the morning. there had been someone in her room at night and it was no surprise to winona’s parents when she told them nate was coming over for dinner. winnie knew her parents loved nate. he had been her friend for as long as she could remember and they always talked about him as if he was the perfect son in law.
so there they were – sitting around the dinner table. winnie next to the boy she loved more than anything in the world. her little brother was giggling and her parents knew exactly what was going on. they decided to tease them a little. “ you have to watch out nate – winnie has a bit of a funny rash in the crook of her neck. “ the mother said with a soft smile. “ you never come over to study anymore – “ she continued – causing winnie to nearly choke on her diet coke.
I know writing this letter seems pointless, but it makes me feel like old times again, maybe I’m just feeling nostalgic, maybe because I’m supposed to be writing case reports but I got distracted and procrastination isn’t my best friend. I haven’t spoken to you in almost two years, well we have spoken, we kind of need to for the boys’s sake, but we haven’t said anything to one another in regards to feelings for almost two years, since the night you told me you were going to be a dad again, but to someone else. I know I acted terribly, I know I made a big deal out of nothing and I should of been there to support you instead of cut you out, I should of asked you if you needed help, rather than storm out of your place, slam the door and ignore you for months. That’s what we did in high school right? Whenever we had trouble with boys, girls, our parents, teachers, just people or things in general, we always helped each other out. I failed you on that part and for that I’m so sorry. Instead of being someone who you once loved, your best friend for so many years who you could count on, I was someone who abandoned you. I didn’t fight for you, all you did was fight for me and helped me through everything but the one time you needed someone, I wasn’t there for you.
Your daughter, she’s cute. The boys talk about her all the time, you might think I’m mad, that I cry to avoid speaking about her, but I don’t. There’s that photo Ollie took on his phone, of all of them at the beach when you took them during the Summer, it’s on our fridge, Finn always raves about his baby sister, Theo always asks me if he could have another sister. They love her, which is great and whatever makes our boys happy, makes me happy right?
Speaking of Ollie, you know he has a photo of us at our wedding as his wallpaper, he doesn’t know I know, but he does. It makes me sad, this divorce has broken and upset us all but he has taken it the worst. He was such a great student, he was always thriving and he’s coming up to his senior year soon, which makes me scared because he has never been like this. I explained to his teachers, we both have and he just, he’s so different now. He’s more short tempered, disobedient, isn’t doing as well at school and I feel like it’s all my fault, you know?
I love our sons, so much they are the best thing to ever happen to me. Everything was worth it, our happy little family. Why the hell did it just disappear? You fought so hard to keep this family together but, what did I do? I didn’t fight. I gave up. I didn’t want to give up but I did. You were the love of my life, Nate, you still are. I feel like the divorce was meant to be something, divorce is meant to make you feel free and like the weight of your world is off your shoulders but, why does it feel worse? I feel like everything is so much worse and that it’s all my fault.
It’s been 645 days since we last had a proper conversation about life. I count the days it’s been because I play that night in my head every single day, rethinking all the things I could of said, could of done. I should of hugged you and told you it was going to be okay, but instead I pushed you away and slammed a door in your face. I replay that night in my head because, I could of changed it, I wish I could of changed it. I wish I could go back to when we started to drift apart and just tell us to snap out of it, we were so happy, so in love, what happened? I think, the reason why I was so angry and so mad at you was because I thought there was another chance for us, because apart of me knows that somewhere there is still a little part of me that belongs to you.
I see your face, everyday. It haunts me I see your face in our sons, I see it in the wedding photos I refused to touch and put away, I see you when I drop the boys off or when you come to pick them up, at PTA meetings, I cherish every civil conversation we have, because I miss the times we would sit down together and talk about life, our future. I love you, so much and I don’t think I could ever stop loving you, no matter how hard I try. I still wear our wedding ring on my neck, I still wear your initial around my neck, my friends tell me I need to move on but I feel like it’s physically impossible, like something is just dragging me back everytime I try to tell myself I hate you.
I miss my best friend who turned into my boyfriend, the father of my children, my husband. I miss how everything used to be and who we were. I know we are the same Nate and Gigi as we always have been, but I feel like we’re too scared to even try. I miss kissing you, miss hugging you or playing with your hair or fixing your shirt before you go to work. I miss it all. You supported me through the hardest times in my life, my father disowning me, my pregnancy with Ollie, college, when I had a breakdown over the flowers being wrong before our wedding, my parents divorce and I wish I could just pay you back for the wonderful things you did for me, but instead I broke your heart and acted ungrateful for everything you did.
I love you. Please know I love you and that I don’t think you’re anything other than amazing. I adore you, I always have and I always will, despite everything that has happened. Please kiss my boys for me and Charlotte too, I know Charlotte doesn’t have a mother figure in her life but just know she’s loved too.
