hey I just found you Gwaine x fem reader story and I'm sorry if you have other things going on and it makes this sound rude but I was wondering if you are done with it or if it is an ongoing story. Again I am really sorry if this comes of as rude I'm just wondering since I've only just discovered your story.
hey!!! thanks for your ask, its not rude at all !!! I've not been on tumblr in a really long time so I kinda forgot about it !!! but now that I'm back I'm gonna start it again :) I'll tag you in the next part when it's posted???
Find What You Love and Let It Kill You...(Sir Gwaine x Fem!Reader series)
PART TEN - Two Truths Which Exist Simultaneously...
“…And it has been a blessing,” King Rodor says, wine goblet raised, eyes surveying the banquet hall – which has seen more of these speeches than it probably would have liked, “to celebrate three years of peace between our lands, and a privilege to uphold that peace with the finest King these lands have ever known.”
Arthur nods when Rodor’s eyes land on him, and he raises his own goblet in return.
“To King Arthur of Camelot.” Rodor finishes.
“TO KING ARTHUR!” The banquet hall choruses, and Arthur stands as he drinks his wine.
He’s about to thank Rodor – for his hospitality, his kindness, his allegiance – when Merlin busts into the banquet hall.
Merlin’s eyes are wide, and searching, and - Arthur realises immediately - panicking.
Arthur freezes.
The hall turns to Merlin, and falls silent.
The two old friends exchange a look, and then Merlin crosses the length of the hall in purposeful strides and Arthur leaps the table to meet him in the centre of the room.
“It’s Camelot,” Merlin rambles, breathing heavily from running four flights of stairs and sixteen corridors, “it’s Caerleon, he’s – it’s gone – the lower town is – and he’s claimed the throne – we need to –”
At each of Merlin’s statements, each of the Knights of Camelot rises to their feet and draws their sword.
Except, of course, for Gwaine. Who just sits in his chair, and stares at the floor, as the pieces force themselves into place.
“We must ride at once, Sire.” Leon says, already nodding to other Knights to prepare the horses, “Before it is too late.”
Commotion breaks out – Knights yell orders at one another, Leon marches towards the door, but Arthur just stares at Merlin, desperately wanting Merlin to tell him it’s all some elaborate practical joke.
But although Merlin would tease Arthur about many things – his belt holes, his cluelessness with women, his bone-idle, lazy arse – he would never dare entertain a fantasy of Camelot being lost. It always felt too far, like many things; Uther, Morgana – some things just were not a joking matter. It always felt like tempting the fates, and Merlin knew better than that, even if Arthur did not.
For Arthur, it was simply too heart-breaking to imagine his life’s work snatched from under him while his back was turned -
“That’s what I’m telling you!” Merlin exclaims, “It’s already too late! It’s gone!”
The hall falls silent once again.
“Caerleon has…seized the throne?” Arthur asks, refusing to believe it, refusing to accept –
“He invaded the night we left,” Merlin replies, “they wiped out the lower town, it forced whoever was left to submit –”
“Someone has betrayed us.” Arthur utters, as his Knights gather around him, “Who knew about this trip aside from us?”
Gwaine is the last to join the group.
He stays deadly silent, jaw-locked, eyes glued to the floor as his face turns thunderous.
“Did any of you tell anyone?” Arthur interrogates, eyes darting between his closest and most-trusted friends, “Well? TELL ME!” He roars, facing each of them in turn.
He reaches Gwaine last. And when he does, he just stares.
It’s written all over Gwaine’s face; the heartbreak, the confusion, the acceptance.
And a darkness that Arthur has not seen in the man for a long, long time, and he may not understand the full story, yet, but he’s starting too.
And Arthur isn’t stupid. They’ve had peace for many years. The only thing that has changed, the only new person to have arrived in Camelot and connected to Gwaine and who could have betrayed them is –
“Arthur.” Merlin says, before Arthur has a chance to lunge at his friend, “We can find out who later. What’s important now is getting back, re-claiming Camelot –”
“With a handful of Knights, Merlin?” Arthur sneers, “How in God’s name-”
“We will support you.” Rodor calls, approaching the group of men.
Arthur finally tears his eyes away from Gwaine, with a final venomous glare thrown in his direction.
Rodor reaches the group and leads them all from the banquet hall into the great hall, where they can plan their retaliation.
But Gwaine hears none of it.
His feet move on auto-pilot, his brain miles away.
He knows where it’s gone, where it always is, because it’s where his heart is too, and there’s only one place his heart has ever been, and will ever be –
“Gwaine!” Arthur calls, as Gwaine finds himself leaving the great hall and heading for the gates, “GWAINE-”
Gwaine breaks out into a run, and he reaches his horse and is galloping away before Arthur and the rest of the knights even arrive at the gate.
The distant sound of Arthur calling after him is nothing to the ringing in Gwaine’s ears, the constant screaming of (y/n)’s name, the sound of his heart shattering.
He blames himself. For all his acceptance of who (y/n) was, Gwaine refused to see what was right under his nose – that it is still who she is, and will always be.
***
“Well?” Caerleon asks, as (y/n) strides into the great hall of Camelot, hand resting on the hilt of her sword and eyes automatically sweeping the room for danger.
It hits her with such force that the breath leaves her lungs – she is the danger. And when she is already within the castle walls, and that man is already on the throne, what else is there to for her to protect?
Gwaine’s face appears before her mind’s eye with embarrassing haste, and she’s reminded once again of the vow she made to herself – everyone else, but not him. Never him.
He has to survive.
“Lower town is ours, those who were non-compliant are dead, all those opposed within the castle are either dead or in the dungeons, and we have enough supplies to last us a season before we need to cement new trade deals with the other kingdoms.”
Caerleon smirks, “You’ve done well.”
“Don’t get too excited.” (y/n) snarls, “You know as well as I do how much Arthur loves this kingdom. He will return, and we need to be ready.”
“We are ready.” Caerleon insists, “Otherwise, what have I been paying you for.”
(y/n) falters, “I simply meant –”
“I hope,” Caerleon interrupts, standing, “that this is not your way of telling me you are not prepared to fight him?”
“Of course not.” (y/n) snaps, “I only meant –”
“Good.”
Caerleon lowers himself down onto the throne, satisfied.
“Then you’d better head up to the battlements and watch for his return.”
***
She hears the thundering of the horse’s approaching footsteps, and somehow, through whatever it is that has kept them connected all these years and through all these different lives, she knows it is him, instead of Arthur, before she sees him.
“HOLD!” She calls, raising an arm to prevent her men from firing at him, as he approaches the gate, “DO NOT FIRE!”
“But –”
“OPEN THE GATES!”
“But –”
“I SAID OPEN THEM!”
She turns to the soldier at her side, the one stupid enough to challenge her, and grabs him by the throat, “You will bring him here. Then you will gather your men, and leave us. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes.”
She drops him with a thud and he scarpers off to meet Gwaine.
From the battlements, (y/n) holds his piercing stare.
Its coldness strikes her heart deeper than any arrow ever could.
***
The men filter from the battlement one by one, until at last, they are alone.
She stares at him, in his Camelot regalia, and tries so hard to see only the man she’d met, all those years ago now, in that tavern, who she’d won that bottle of ale from in a card game.
To his surprise, she’d offered to share the ale in exchange for his best conversation. She’d been granted his company for an entire evening, and Gwaine – always the woo-er, never the woo-ee – was all too happy to stay, and too intrigued to walk away any sooner than that.
A battle of wits between them and another table not long after soon turned into an actual battle, and had them both running for their lives, darting in the same direction without so much as a glance exchanged to confirm the plan.
Partners in crime, from then on.
Look where it’s brought them.
“I just need to know one thing.” Gwaine says, as he stands first at the opposite end of the battlements, “One thing.”
“Anything.”
“Why?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Obvious?” Gwaine scoffs, “Obvious?! I’d have to know you for things to be obvious.”
“You do -”
“No, I don’t.”
“You do.” She sighs, “That’s the problem.”
“WHY?” Gwaine yells, marching towards her, “TELL ME WHY.”
“TO SAVE YOU!”
Gwaine stops short, feet frozen and breathing stopped.
“This was the job.” (y/n) explains, “When Caerleon found us, in the woods, and he said he had a job for me, and I agreed to do it so that they’d let you go –”
“You said-” Gwaine starts, then stops. He takes a deep breath, as his fists clench, “You told me you had finished that job. That you were free, that this was-” He looks up, eyes brimming with tears, “I trusted you.”
“Why?”
He scoffs, “So nothing was real?”
“We were.”
“Yeah? Which bits? Unfortunately, you’re gonna have to get specific.”
“How I felt about you,” (y/n) snarls, “has always been real. Not one word to you of how I felt about you, or what you were to me, was a lie.”
“Were?”
“What?”
“You’re speaking past tense, love.”
“I’m assuming, considering you’re a knight of Camelot, that I’m about to die.” (y/n) smiles, ruefully, “We won’t get a future.”
“What about now?”
(y/n) shakes her head, “You’re not interested in a now with me, Gwaine –”
“Where’s Arthur?” He interrupts.
(y/n) falters.
“I’m not here with him, with the rest of the knights, as part of the attack to win back the city.” He says, stepping forward, “I’m here as me. Because I wanted to talk to you, and we’ve always been at our best when we’ve been ourselves, without any costumes or facades in the way.”
He sighs, “I wanted to talk to you. I wanted an explanation –”
“You have always tried to see the best in me.” (y/n) says, “But sometimes, my love, there isn’t anything good to see.”
“That’s not true.” Gwaine insists, eyes full of tears and fists tight once again.
“Gwaine, look at where we are!” (y/n) exclaims, tears streaming down her own face, “I used you! This attack happened because I used information you gave me! I love you with all that I am, and I used you. Two truths can exist simultaneously.”
Gwaine unleashes a mighty, heart-wrenching roar, and draws his sword.
In a single stride he forces (y/n) against the castle wall, and presses his sword to her neck.
“Why you?” He leans in, pressing hard enough to keep her there but not hard enough to do any damage, and they both know it, “Out of everyone…why did it have to be you?”
“Because you love me, too.”
Gwaine collapses to his knees and heaves out a heavy sob, and (y/n) can do nothing but watch as he falls apart in front of her eyes.
She wants to comfort him, love him, hold him, but she knows he would let her, and she knows he deserves better.
He will hate her, in time. As she deserves. But right now, he still loves her, and he will not make the choices he should make, for his own sake.
So, it’s up to (y/n) to make them.
“Go.” She says, “Find Arthur. And let’s put an end to all this, once and for all.”
***
Somehow, Gwaine manages to get himself back to his horse, and back to Arthur.
He meets them half a mile out, with Camelot still in view, the dark blue of Caerleon’s flags flying high in the wind.
He drops from his horse as the knights approach him, as does Arthur, and while there is so much still to say and so much still to amend for, none of this is done as Gwaine falls into Arthur’s arms, and sobs.
8. which character of yours do you find the hardest to write?
I don't think I find any particular character hard to write, but I definitely have to be in the mood to write Find What You Love - I think because it's taken so much planning it can be pretty stressful; I wanna make sure I'm doing it justice, especially since so many people have taken a liking to it!!
