#günf

[meeresbande]

I feel so bad right now.

I don't want more flashbacks, but that's all I'm going to get.

They're horrible. I feel so guilty and bad and dirty and as though it was my fault, my failure to protect the others or myself. I couldn't do anything that made any sense at all. And I lied. (Had to, but still. I'm so ashamed of what I said. And did)

I just want someone irl to hold me and I want those memories to go away. I need someone to tell me that it wasn't my fault. Maybe even that I didn't do anything wrong and that I'm something other than worthless. Maybe even that I'm not disgusting after everything that was done to me and that I had to do. (I didn't want it)

Please what do I do. I don't want to go to bed. But we're already too tired.

I'll just let the others go to bed now. They're so tired. And the flashbacks... it's not that I think I deserve any better... besides, trying to stay awake and to distract myself didn't work anyway. So what do I have to lose its so scary i dont want to pleaso no