@galacticmuses
How long had it been? Kylo Ren hadn’t been counting the days -- the weeks. It hadn’t been a month yet. Surely. Surely. Still, he had found ways to keep himself busy, but busy work only lasted for so long. He’d interrogated people with vital information. He’d learned the basics of fixing his own ship -- much to Hux’s surprise. He’d even gotten a compliment for his achievements from Snoke himself, but it had meant nothing to him. A complete 180 from what it had used to mean to him.
There was this emptiness, this longing, that permeated into every single thing Kylo did. A terrifying blend of both a sadness so deep than it could drown someone and an anger so petrifyingly hot that it would burn anyone in it’s way to cinders. So many villages on planets destroyed by him and him alone. If only for his sanity. His heart that was tearing itself apart now.
Now, he had to face the facts. Seyda was gone. It wasn’t new news but one he hadn’t faced since her departure. He hadn’t slept. Hadn’t eaten. His body felt like it had been through a thousand battles -- shot by hundreds of blaster shots. The moment he walked into his quarters was a moment that felt like no other. The first thing he noticed was the shattered vase on the floor, wilted flowers among it and the water long since gone.
He remembers when she set it on the counter -- so hopeful for their marriage. The symbolism was worst than a saber to the face. Worst than any physical pain he’d ever endured. He got down on his knees and picked each piece up with gloved hands. Had they not been gloved, the shards likely would have cut into his skin. He let out a painful sob despite himself -- one he felt hard in his chest. Once he was done clearing the wreckage, he tossed it into the garbage bin. How could someone lose so much in so little time?
Perhaps then he could make it right somehow. He couldn’t imagine what he could possibly do, but his bed was too empty. His quarters to dead. Every single detail she had added to their quarters while she was here was gone and all that was left was him. He stormed out of his quarters, not wanting to look at it anymore. He had to tell her. She had to know.
Hux tried to stop him on the way to his ship but Kylo ignored him. He flew off without so much as a word and down to Seyda’s planet. He could see the construction that had begun as he entered the atmosphere. Where there had been green, luscious forests was now the beginnings of a base. It felt foreign, like it didn’t really belong there, but Kylo tried not to think too much about it as he made his descent down to the planet.
He was greeted by some of the royals. Kylo kept it formal and asked for the location of his wife. She was in the gardens, they said. He sensed their anxiety and wasn’t sure why. When he arrived, he made his way through the many kinds of flora in the garden. He turned a corner and there she was. Her back was turned to him. Her laughter filling his ears. She was happy. Happy without him and then in his view he saw another man. Different than him. Stark blond hair and the most blazing blue eyes. Opposite. Even his clothes were a bright shade of blue. The feeling that crept inside of him was one he couldn’t -- no wouldn’t identify.
He turns away and out of the garden before he can be seen. When someone asks if he found her he tells them no. A liar, but Kylo doesn’t rightly care. He wants to go back to not knowing her. Wanting her. Missing her. If that were a possibility. He walks up the walkway to his ship, prepared to leave when he hears the call of his name. He freezes in place and she dares to say it again. It’s only then that he turned -- faces the woman he thought he could see himself loving, protecting, cherishing.
“What do you want?” He says, hiding every bit of emotion in his voice. He takes so much strength out of him and its dwindling. How long could he pretend he isn’t hurt by this -- by her? Surely, he was about to find out.
