Ocellus: Okay, Gallus. It’s that time of year again.
Gallus: The shippers are circling?
Ocellus: I’m afraid so.
Gallus: When will those horny goblins finally take a hint?
Ocellus: Uncertain, which is why I have a proposition: Operation Smokescreen.
Gallus: Elaborate.
Ocellus: We stage curated shipable moments, pretending to be a canonical couple while the fandom moves on to more ambiguous, and by extension more interesting couples.
Gallus: Freeing us to focus on actually important things like grades and fidget spinners?
Ocellus: All while fending off these sexually deviant Super Saiyans, what do you say?
Gallus: I’m amenable to this alliance. What are the terms?
Ocellus: We spend two hours after school with each other, six days a week, double on Sundays.
Gallus: Four hours, I get lonely.
Ocellus: Three.
Gallus: Done. Whose room?
Ocellus: I was thinking my room, but I’m open to negotiation.
Gallus: Mine has more space, bourgeois.
Ocellus: I would call mine cozy.
Gallus: You really wish to be stuck with me in a space that could be called ‘cozy’?
Ocellus: Fair point, we’ll feel it out. Hand holding?
Gallus: None.
Ocellus: Agreed. Family? Will you meet mine?
Gallus: Yes. Will you meet mine?
Ocellus: No.
Gallus: For the best, they’re assholes. Anything else?
Ocellus: Final item on the docket, ship name. I propose Gallcellus.
Gallus: While I appreciate you giving me top billing, there’s already a sizable following for LusLus. It’d be easier to trade in on the brand recognition.
Ocellus: I don’t like the sound of LusLus.
Gallus: LusLus or I walk.
Ocellus: Is this really where you draw the line?
Gallus: ‘Fraid so.
Ocellus: Well, we tried. Good luck to you.
Gallus: The fiends will still try to ship us.
Ocellus: Heaven knows why, we have zero romantic chemistry.
(Lights suddenly go out)
Ocellus: Sandbar?
Sandbar: (from the other room) Yeah…?
Ocellus: Did you stick your tongue in a wall socket again?
Sandbar: No…
Gallus: Sandbar, are you lying to your Ocellus?
Sandbar: Yeah…
Gallus: Electrically speaking, you are grounded.
Sandbar: I can’t do nuthin’ in this dorm!
Ocellus: Good pun, dear.
Gallus: Thank you, dear.













