#gan's posts

[unsettled-future]

Well ok I guess Rune is claiming the area of learning new things. Our boss told us we're going to be taught how to fix and diagnose apple phones (hard!) and he kinda cofronted a little to agree. We've been struggling with learning new things admittedly, and well, he is known for chasing knowledge in his lore, so if there's anyone to be the "learn stuff" guy...

[prairiemountain]

I think Metis and Io might be a subsystem? There's something funky going on between the two of them where they can't stand each other but they're also high key registering to the brain as the same guy

This may explain Io feeling both agender and demiboy but in a bigender way

[unsettled-future]

Sigh there's only so many times therapists can cancel on me at the last minute before I start to lose faith in the whole profession. It was so goddamn bad with my last therapist and I can't help but feel disproportionately angry that this new therapist is pulling this too. I know, they can't control if they get sick or whatever. I know logically its in no way a slight against me. But fuck talk about showing that you won't be there when I need you. Isnt therapy supposed to fix those sorts of relational problems?

[unsettled-future]

"were you feeling anxious or worried within the last week" girl I can't tell what I'm feeling right now you expect me to remember how I felt last week

[unsettled-future]

My friend is kinda annoying but also like his mom is the hugs and kisses "if I'm sweet I cant be a bad person" kind of dismissive and his dad is a manchild who stomped off when we didn't listen to the song he made, so like, I think its kinda fair he's a little annoying. If I grew up with those people as my parents and still came to live with them each summer I'd be annoying too

[prairiemountain]

Okay, I'm making Gan actually do the thing.

The Jovians, our syscovery

So, turns out, we are a traumagenic median system and have been since we were very little. It appears we're one of those preexisting systems who took to Tulpamancy, though that's not to say there aren't created headmates. Wren was never a singlet, and as we got better at identifying fronters Wren quickly started having an identity crisis. So having finally made it to the other side, we are the Jovians:

Io - host - Previously the felt identity behind Wren. They aspire to be "good", whatever that means at that time and place

Ganymede - co-host - a man made of emotional detachment and sarcasm

Europa - gatekeeper - the other gear of detachment, it controls the body directly

Callisto - trauma holder - the oldest and most heavily cratered moon

Metis - protector - he makes sure we can handle our shit if it comes to that

Galileo - archivist - observes from afar to learn as much as he can.

Sandstorm - co-host, delight - a tulpa who carved out a permanent spot for himself by developing a new role

Bart - tulpa - I projected onto this man so hard he appeared in my brain and stuck there

Most of the tulpas turned out to be preexisting headmates filling in a constructed sense of identity, like Rune maps to a mix of Ganymede, Metis, and Europa. It was so hard to spot for years because few of the Jovians have a defined felt sense of identity, we have high co-consciousness, and lot of it was both hidden from ourselves and masked from others. But all the years of blind searching for something was worth it. It's good to finally know who we are.

[prairiemountain]

Me? The guy who represses things? Repressing emotions? No, I don't believe it... (Represses even harder) See I'm totally normal now, it was nothing, just a fluke yeah?