#gangjae.

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usfw headcanon for gangjae because i have a weird brain sorry .

him chewing gum while he fucks ur muse ? sounds weird at first but imagine him head tilted a crooked smirk on his face and lazily chewing the gum while he's getting a bj or fucking someone heh . nonchalant boy aesthetic but he's not nonchalant at all he will kill for you . or kill you .

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─ closed starter. @aubeseur

fresh blood dries on his face , wild eyes fixed on the beaten man who's barely alive . and a few others , all against one boy named do gangjae ─ the golden boy of dongcheon , the most promising one that choi mujin liked to show off , he won the money he betted on gangjae tonight and a fat paycheck would be waiting for him after he was done with getting his bruises and cuts taken care of . most of the blood wasn't his , but the bruises were , he might have a cracked finger or toe but he was the one that stood above the men twice his size who believed would beat him in the cage fight . his breaths are uneven , his chest raising with quick inhales , he hears the men cheer behind him . and turns around ─ a drunken grin on his parted lips . they cheer for him , some of them throw the dollars at him and one of them , the bold one , comes inside the cage to give him a firm hug . it draws a quiet chuckle from gangjae , his eyes wander from mujin's face to fix on someone else as he pats the old man's back .

the white haired one , the one who isn't cheering like other men . his smile turns more suggestive somehow , like he was going to devour him . well , with a bloody mouth like that , it wasn't out of imagination . it takes a couple of hours to finish up the celebration , to shove his paycheck in the secret secret purse in his locker and lock it , pull in the handle a few times to make sure it's locked firmly . can't leave it out in the open now , can he ?

gangjae wasn't allowed to sit with the big guys , but the white haired beauty was , apparently ─ he must be someone important . cheolsu had followed him to the exit , constantly reminding gangjae that a pretty thing like that wouldn't even look at gangjae so he better forget about him and just go sleep . but what got the rabid hound this far was his determination and his sweet tongue , always making even choi mujin crack a smile with his jokes . or whatever . the night air wasn't that cold , he's left his tracksuit unzipped and chest bare . hands lazily tucked in the pockets as he leaned against the wall . his eyes were fixed on the water , the river quiet and dark . tips of his fingers pushed mindlessly on a bruise on his torso , feeling it sting , right under his rib . and cheolsu wouldn't stop running his mouth , most of the things he said gangjae chose not to hear but what caught his attention was his hurried warning . ' oh he's here he's here ! ' gangjae pulls himself off the wall and quickly shoves cheolsu away to head toward the exit .

‘ ya ! uh .. hey there . ‘ it's ridiculous . gangjae can easily pack up any girl in the bar , look at him now . his friends are going to bully him about it because he knew cheolsu wasn't going to shut his mouth ─ he's already snickering behind him but thankfully not interfering . ‘ you came out for a smoke ? wanna smoke with us ? ‘ gangjae doesn't smoke but thankfully his friend , cheolsu does , who takes out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter when gangjae gestures toward him . not taking his eyes off the white haired beauty . moonlight reflects off the pale locks , and his face , he looks like an ethereal siren who's lost his fish tail and can walk on two feet . gangjae slowly returns his hands to his pockets and gives him a smirk , it makes the split wound on the corner of his bottom lip hurt a little but it doesn't matter . ‘ are you mister park's new boyfriend or something ? ‘

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whenever i write gangjae ,, whether knowingly or not i have such a ' doomed by narrative ' feeling . right from the start even when he's experiencing v simple emotions like domesticity or idk happiness ? he's literally always going to leave , die , only because he can't keep his mouth shut and did all the wrong things . he was destroying himself from the start , nobody warned him nor protected him . my boy never had a chance .

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bro looks so hungry ..

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"it's funny how everyone makes it seem like you're so scary, but actually.. you're very cute you know? Not scary at all.. especially when you wear the collar." Haru poked Gangjaes nose with a wide smile.

if anyone saw him like this , they'd laugh . well cheolsu saw him when he was leaving the club and all he did was to widen his eyes and ask if he was high ; nope . just very obsessed with haru . to the point he was sitting on the ground , haru on the purple couch of his club and holding the leash as gangjae laid his head on his knee . he was pretty sure no version of obsession could reduce him to this but here he is . their bio lounges were located on the balcony of the club , the boys fought on the ring downstairs but gangjae let haru casually lock the choker around his inked neck and lead him to the lounge above through the stairs ; with the leash he held in his hand . one of the girls whistled , probably called haru something like boss bitch ? and gangjae was too entranced by the way his skirt swayed over her legs when she walked to really glare at them . her words draw a small chuckle from him , he turns his head to kiss the curve of her pale knee , one hand stroking his ankle before he brings his shoe to his thigh . ‘ well , they've never seen me wearing a collar for anyone before . ‘ his eyes are tender when they stare up at haru , maybe it's the alcohol in his veins making him like this . head tilted so earnestly like a dog , what others have always been calling him . he doesn't mind being a dog for haru . a smirk stretches on his lips , crooked . ‘ it's sexy that you bought me a collar .. ‘

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i just know that gangjae goes crazy over goth gfs , i mean twinks too btw . he's so stupid .

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Maybe it was the relaxed atmosphere, or perhaps the warmth of the sheets they were tangled up in, but Haneul felt affection and bravery rising in his chest like a tidal wave. They weren’t okay, far from it, and if he was truly smart, he would run far away from Gangjae. But at that moment, all he wanted was to pretend that death wasn’t breathing down their necks - that Gangjae will not leave as soon as he catches his breath - and so he leaned closer, cradling the face he adored between his palms. So much was different between them and time wasn’t kind to either - yet Haneul chose to pretend, sink into self-delusion and rose-colored dreams. He scrunched up his nose and pressed it against Gangjae’s - a soft brush of skin against skin, barely a whisper of touch, but Haneul felt his heart burn. His fingers gently danced across the man’s cheeks, and he wanted to lose himself in the love he felt. “Wait until I fall asleep. Please. Don’t make me watch you leave.”  || {you will pry those nose scrunches from my - and haneul's - dead hands }

they don't talk about it the next morning , whenever it happens it feels like a mistake because they barely mention it afterwards . all gangjae is left with are the memories haneul's breathless moans , the way he writhed beneath him with quiet begs . and often , he finds himself sitting at the same spot for hours staring at his phone , wanting to call him , refusing to because it wasn't supposed to happen anyway . gangjae holds grudges , for a long time , he thought distance and time would make him forgive his friends that still reside in dongcheon but it didn't . he grew envious , his rage was seeping in deeper and haneul is still there too . with mujin — the thought itself physically hurts his chest . he lays there facing the ceiling , feels his uneven breaths shake his ribcage as he closes his eyes . once his breaths calm down , he's thinking about leaving . pretending not to see those eyes that beg him to stay . gangjae is exceptionally skilled in it , his sweet boy , never too determined to let go of him . gangjae knows what kind of monster he is , unfortunately ; one with a heart . that doesn't mean he's forgiving or gentle , his heart is rotten , green with envy . but before he can move , haneul is shifting .

closer to him , hovering above him . gangjae's defenses are almost up , almost . but he watches him lean in , brush their noses together . gangjae can't help his quiet chuckle , rolling his eyes a little . what kind of show of affection is this ? like ancient lovers in a room , overlooking the garden of castle . a bed of clouds , of red petals .. that's what gangjae feels — he cups the side of haneul's face , presses his thumb under his chin and wishes he would just keep his pretty mouth shut . so he sees it — when gangjae is trying to be sneaky and leave while han is sleeping , han sees it , and he never tries to stop him . thank god for that , and damn it . gangjae blinks with a raised brow , keeps his eyes closed for a while before mumbling ; ‘ i'm not going anywhere . ‘ and well , he doesn't know why he does that . he raises his chin slightly and that makes their noses brush against each other again . ‘ .. but don't you have a fancy ass breakfast to attend in the morning ? ‘ gangjae has connections and those connections tell him choi mujin had found a new appeal to early breakfasts in expensive hotels to discuss business . haneul is invited , he's always invited . the thought of haneul shifting uncomfortably in his seat because of him , feeling him , feeling it ache when he was talking to mujin , it excited gangjae . it drew a soft smirk on his lips , slightly tired , brushing away a strand of hair from haneul's forehead . ‘ how the fuck are you going to sit still for hours tomorrow ? hm ? be a good boy for that bastard when you had me pounding inside you the night before ? ‘ haneul has his own principles , his own business . gangjae knows , actually he says it to irritate him further .

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[ 8. ] sender patches up receiver's wounds, hands trembling as they whisper, "you can't keep doing this to me." {... suffer with me... }

gangjae miscalculated . can't say calculation is his greatest skill either , can't say he's good at anything if it involves brains and wit . the new drug he invented was a product of his healthier days , after he became someone important , gangjae wasn't as witty as he used to be ─ must be the drugs . he was swaying , adrenaline high in his blood , attacking mujin like a rabid dog until jiwoo showed up . and the odds were at his favor , winning against the man he plotted against all his life .. cruel fate hits him right on the face . his ankle was broken , swollen in an ugly bruise , heavily dragging on the ground as he made his way along the mountains and woods . the discreet routes , covered in snow , the snow that his blood painted as he went . choi mujin shouldn't survive his injuries , he thinks . a few times does he fall down , with small groans of agony . two bleeding wounds , the snow was making his fingers feel numb . the last time he fell down , he stayed like that . a tear rolling down his sharp , scratched cheek . staring up at the darkening evening sky , wondering if haneul would think of him as he fell asleep tonight . wonders if he can haunt him , stare at his pretty face one last time and do nothing ─ like the coward he is .

now that he sees haneul's hands tremble , he knows it's all his fault . how long was he out ? faintly does he recall waking up to see an old man work on his wounds , before his eyes going black again . he remembers haneul's face too , wet and scared , remembers him whisper something .. something .

you can't keep doing this to me .

gangjae acts like he's been waiting for this . blinks with a barely restrained wince , and blinks again knowingly . there's nothing left to say , an apology won't fix this . he doesn't look up from his arm , where haneul is wrapping the bandage around , clean and white one , the dirty ones are tossed in the bin . eventually , he decides to save the other from his misery , reaches out to grab his hand . crumble his elegant fingers gently in his palm , feel them tremble , while gathering the courage to look up into his eyes . they're wet again , gangjae blinks tiredly . he doesn't know what he's allowed to do now , they've been playing cat and mouse for a long time and gangjae feels like a stranger with him . a stranger he ran to when he was dying ─ didn't even expect to be saved , just wanted to see haneul one last time before he died . his grip loosens , grabbing the end of the bandage to wrap it around his arm himself , jaw set . ‘ i'm fine . ‘ he lies when moving his arm makes him wince again . it was supposed to be a reassuring moment , aiming to soothe haneul but he just sounded mean . he knows , he doesn't know why . so he stops , closes his eyes and eventually lets them connect with haneul's . it's a chore to keep the eye contact . ‘ .. i'm alive . ‘

* yellow sunrise. accepting