#gao coded

[ladymonstrous]

when you kill me this time, make sure i am dead. the narrative keeps bringing me back and I just want fucking peace, okay?

[ladymonstrous]

don't look at the Babel eye

[ladymonstrous]

if a beast offers its heart, hidden behind its teeth, would you have the courage to try taking it? would you trust it enough?

[ladymonstrous]

i just had an epiphany.

[ladymonstrous]

it feel in love with the herd's dead lamb

[ladymonstrous]

i wanna make a little cutie speech for this one, so let me have my moment.

three years ago I started a project called "Lesbians Take Over the World" which was a very long story where the main characters were all lesbians. It started as a high fantasy saga, around 3 books, so my inner obsessed-over-tolkien child could tell whatever story she wanted to tell. Three years later, I am handling the most complex piece of writing I could ever think about and struggling with every step of making this thing. I have never been more excited about anything in my entire life since I was seven reading sherlock holmes for the first time.

Tumblr is the only place I talk about this story. Some of my friends know, but I dont really talk about this, or about any piece I am usually writing.

Since the first draft, Gao has been a main character of this story. She is the only thing that didnt change over the years and new ideas I came up with. I always loved creating monsters, I had a little notebook to draw them as child, so she wasn't my first, but she is my most special one.

i hope one day I finish this. I don't know if I will have the guts to publishing her story, but once I get to know how to tell it, I want poeple to listen to it.

After three years, I only have one page and three more paragraphs and around 30 pages of discarded drafts. I have a lot of ground to cover of the world building and the tiny details about the narrative, but I am happy that I spent those three last years working on this story and thinking about it every second of my days.

Happy Birthday, Gao. My only purpose of life is to tell your story.

[ladymonstrous]

shaped me into a monster and expected me to be a prisoner behind the words of your cautionary tale. hoped I would rot in the imagination of your children. you said my name enough and one day I will appear under your bed. be afraid, you were the one who spread my tale.

[ladymonstrous]

and you, feeling the most hunger of all, were made to starve throughout life