I wish someone could understand, like, even conceptualize how much i want to be held. by a man. being fully and entirely viewed as masculine and as a man while i’m sitting on this dude’s lap, being called handsome with my hair played with. just to cuddle. to lay in his arms and just fall asleep. nothing more intimate than just a calm moment of half-awaked-ness, love and nurturing while fully being seen as a man, being called “he” so many times that it scratches my brain to bleed. I want to be kissed but not just to make out, to connect our lips together and just be. to be together, of love, totally forgetting what’s going on and where we are. forehead kisses, cheek kisses and playful jabs. his arms grappling onto mine and pulling me in close to him while we walk. the stare he does when someone gets close to me. idk. im touch starved and sad. it’s gay boy autumn and the NBDC hasn’t gotten back to me yet (National Boyfriend Distribution Center) , mine is still loading. sigh .
