@gcsticulatingwildly sent: ❛❛ Everything hurts. Being with you is the only good thing in the world anymore. ❜❜ (as a gift for my return i give you angst)
his words sadden her, in a way that feels impossible to express. she’s always liked to consider herself a light --- a nearly endless well of love and smiles for all who might be in need --- and maybe that’s skewed her view of the world. just a little. stars hollow has been a sanctuary for her, a place that’s forever felt untouchable by the ravages of negativity and horror that happen daily outside its borders. it’s difficult, lorelai realizes in this moment, to put into perspective that not everybody has been so shielded. not everybody has lived in such a quaint little snow globe for most of their life.
even though she’s known josh.... hell, practically since birth, it hasn’t registered ‘til now just how different his life has been from her own. he’s been in the thick of it all for years, while she’s been living in an idyllic little world, drinking coffee and watching movies and cracking jokes --- thinking the worst possible thing that could happen to her would involve being forced to spend any extended period of time alone with her mother. or --- well, god, if she’s being serious, it’s that anything might happen to rory, but such a fear hasn’t ever been especially prevalent. sure, she’d worried --- it’s a mother’s job to worry about her kid --- but very few times has it ever been more than a blip on her radar. lorelai knows that there’s so much of herself in her daughter, and trusts that she’ll be okay. and if she’s not? well, that’s a bridge they’ll cross if they come to it.
but josh. all day, every day, it’s crisis after crisis. his life isn’t all hospitality and sunshine and quirky neighbors. it’s life. it’s the world. raw, and uncensored in ways she’s sure she couldn’t possibly imagine.
and his words? the tone of his voice, and how obvious it is that he means it? god, she’s sure she can feel her heart break, just a little.
but to know that what little light shines through all the dark comes from her? it’s an honor. it’s terrifying. it makes her fear that one day whatever light she offers may not be enough. more than anything else, though? it makes her feel loved. and it makes her love him all the more, for his willingness to be open --- and to let her make a real difference in his life.
and for once? she’s speechless. it’s only for a moment, but it’s difficult to find words that express the warmth and love that encapsulate her heart. finally, she just smiles --- it’s soft, and a little bit sad, but it’s a smile nonetheless.
“i’m honored, josh. you’re remarkable --- you amaze me --- and i love you. i hope you know that. i wish there were some word that could express just what you mean to me, but i don’t think there is one. maybe i’ll sit down and invent one later, who knows? but.... god, just to have someone.... someone who’s seen me through so much. through that phase in the fourth grade where i was sure there was some maid out there that was as great as alice from the brady bunch, and that i could find her, and then maybe my mom would stop firing every new maid after a week? or.....” she laughs, shaking her head, “pretty much the entirety of my teenage years. you were always there. and i was terrible, and i left without a word, and you’re here again. you’re back, and you’ve never given up on me, and i’ll never give up on you,”
soft caring sentences | accepting!
