#gdawg

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Having thoughts on trans man Rico Rizzo:

- the "Rico" vs "Ratso" thing paralleling being deadnamed

- his fragile sense of masculinity that manifests itself in homophobic outbursts. Obviously we know there is self-hatred behind the disdain in his voice when he throws the f slur around left and right, but maybe that self-hatred comes not just from internalized homophobia, but from internalized transphobia as well

- in his Florida fantasy, whereas Joe is shirtless (obviously there are horny reasons for this too) Rico is fully dressed even on the beach. Even in his own private fantasies he is not yet comfortable with his body, although whether this is purely in regards to its being external perception, or whether he experiences internal discomfort due to dysphoria as well is up for personal interpretation.

- adds an extra layer to his reticence for Joe to call him a doctor. I obviously don't want to overwrite the 1960s disabled + impoverished experience that leads him to distrust the medical world, but it is interesting to consider how these experiences of marginalization might overlap and interact with the trans experience

- bro is 5'5

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Reading Midnight Cowboy was the first time I've read a novel after seeing the movie based upon it. There is a uniquely fatalistic and somehow simultaneously morally encumbering experience in reading a story to which you already know the tragic ending.

When I started the book, I read voraciously, excited to get to know Joe, and eagerly anticipating the arrival of Rico onto the scene. When the stack of remaining pages began getting noticibly thinner, and the events began stacking themselves up closer and closer to the ending I was trying not to think about, I realized after a few days that I was subconsciously putting off reading any further, even though I was desperate for more time with Joe, and especially with Rico, whom I was even more endeared and connected to in the novel than in the film.

It felt as though, as long as I didn't finish the book, Rico would remain alive, kept in stasis in whatever state I had last left him. It also felt as though, since I knew the ending, to allow myself to get to it would be to be intentionally complicit in Rico's demise.

But tonight I accepted that I have to get to the end some time, and I finished the book. It ended almost exactly how I knew it would, and it still hurt.

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One thing I really admire about Robert Redford is that he found one hairstyle that looked good on him and then that was his hairstyle in every movie he was ever in for the rest of his life no matter the character, time period, or subject matter

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Got my library card in my new city today and immediately checked out one (1) copy of the Midnight Cowboy novel and not one but two (2) copies of Midnight Cowboy on DVD

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Told my mom's ex boyfriend who's sort of my stepdad that I saw Midnight Cowboy in a theater in Amsterdam and he said "Midnight Cowboy! What a great film! Poor Ratso — 'I pissed myself!' And then he died."

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Problematic interest gap relationship

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Absolutely criminal the lack of The Young Offenders posting that goes on on this site >:(

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I'm about to pick up my rental car in Ireland and I am the most scared anyone has been about anything at the prospect of driving on the left side of the road but I am being so brave about it