Imagine: The Alliance Leaders When You’re on Your Period
Anduin Wrynn: Best chance at survival. Angel Andy will do his best to make you as relaxed and comfortable as possible. He’ll offer to use his Light magic to combat the pain and ransack the Mage Quarter of Stormwind for tasty treats to get your mind off of things.
Genn Greymane: Worst chance at survival. Genn is pure testosterone in humanoid form, so in this situation...he has no idea what to do. Genn can probably sense the change, given his extra sensitive nose. At first, he’ll give you space. Genn will avoid the topic at all costs. When his plan of neglect fails and blows up in his face, he will just sit with you quietly somewhere outdoors. Whether it's listening to the tree branches crinkling in the woods or the soft downpour of rainfall in Gilneas, both of you will enjoy a peaceful moment.
Tyrande Whisperwind: Careful with this one. Tyrande is pure estrogen in humanoid form, so she will take your side on every dispute (including publicly shaming whoever is bothering you). She’ll pray to Elune for you, offer hunting-bonding trips, and be your devoted Mean Girl on call.
Tyrande: Do not fear, Champion. Women secretly rule the world.
Anduin Wrynn: It's a beautiful world!
Genn Greymane: It's a frightening, cold world.
Malfurion Stormrage: He has centuries of experience with Tyrande and Illidan, so there isn't really an issue here. Malfurion may try to coax you out of the physical world to relax for a while in the Emerald Dream (the out-of-body experience may lessen the pain). In the meantime, Malfurion will offer natural remedies. You may find yourselves sipping tea together in the woods, listening to the chime-like chirp of the birds.
Prophet Velen: There is limitless knowledge here, so if you’re looking for a pain-fix, this is your avenue. Velen can vanquish both the pain and symptoms, all the while offering compliments and gentle smiles. Velen can also distract you from your current situation with epic tales of his travels across the cosmos.
Velen: I met someone once who went by the name “Thanos.” Quite an awful specimen. He had a chin that looked like unspeakable body parts, and had an unhealthy obsession with snapping. Thank the Light he's not Azeroth’s problem…
Muradin Bronzebeard: Anything can be fixed with alcohol. Muradin will offer you barrels of dwarven ale, on the house. He may invite you to visit the forges, where the heat is so intense it will numb any physical pain.
Muradin: Yer not so bad, Champion. Ol’ Arthas acted like his noggers were bleedin’ year round!
Aysa Cloudsinger: This woman is the queen of battling tough emotions. Aysa can teach you yoga poses to ease the pain and mystical monk tricks to “replenish your energy”. Aysa also has tons of punch bags and food (Pandaria is plentiful in both items).
Gelbin Mekkatorque: He’ll lend you tons of machines to skitter around and grab things so you don't have to move. Gelbin can also assign tons of cute gnome advisors to watch over you and keep you in good spirits. Your condition may actually inspire Gelbin to make some sort of thermal pad to combat the pain.
(Bonus Edition coming soon)
(Alliance, Dragon Aspects, & Fallen Heroes Editions coming soon. Stay tuned!)
