Imagine: The Horde Leaders When You’re on Your Period
Sylvanas Windrunner: She is the one person you can’t scare away. Sylvanas is in a constant state of rage, so she’ll support any outburst you have (she’ll probably execute someone if they really upset you). Sylvanas will also rally up some of her apothecaries to make a potion that will lessen the pain that you’re in.
Sylvanas: Do not take this the wrong way, Champion, but I think I prefer you like this. You are so much more interesting when you are filled with bloodlust.
Baine Bloodhoof: Oh no, they’re multiplying.
Baine Bloodhoof: Baine is much more considerate and gentle given your current situation. He will invite you to stay in Thunder Bluff and take some time off. He’ll offer you herbs to ease the pain (they also smell really good) and do tons of calming activities with you, like cloud watching and kayaking. Baine knows you’re not feeling well, so he will try his hardest to make sure everything goes well and that you’re not…provoked.
*Baine takes you out for a complimentary dinner*
Baine: We would like some dwarven ale, please.
Waiter: We’re out of that. Those three over there took all the brew we have. *points at the Alcoholics Club at a nearby table: Lor’themar Theron, Ji Firepaw, and Jastor Gallywix*
Baine, sweating: TIPSY IS THEIR NATURAL STATE. JUST STEAL IT BACK, FOR THE SAKE OF MOTHER EARTH, DAMMIT.
Ji Firepaw: Ji will be your personal cheerleader. Nothing can quench his upbeat, can-do personality. He’ll give you fluffy, encouraging hugs when you need them, and will buy out all the vendors for your favorite comfort food. If you feel like punching something, he’ll create a makeshift turnip punchbag, and cheer you on as you take out your fury.
Ji: Yes, Champion! You show that turnip who’s boss!
Trade Prince Jastor Gallywix: Jastor has never been more scared in his life, but to everyone’s surprise, he doesn’t go off the grid and hide from all life forms. Jastor buys an entire bakery full of pastries for you, and invites you to his Pleasure Palace to relax.
Jastor: ‘Ey, you’re not so bad. I’ve known tons of bloodthirsty gals that wanna kill me. Just let me know when you feel like beating the crap out of somebody, there’s a few punks nearby that owe me money.
Halduron Brightwing: One of the most sympathetic to your situation. He’ll venture to the outdoors with you, maybe have a picnic, and listen to the birds and watch them flit from branch to branch. If you’re really upset, he’ll take a pair of bows, and offer to take you hunting.
Halduron: Shoot something! It’ll make you feel better!
Lor’themar: You can shoot me.
Halduron: This is why I staged that intervention…
Lor’themar Theron: Because of Lor’themar’s natural tipsy state and many years of experience with Sylvanas, nothing you do can phase him. He’ll invite you to stay in Silvermoon for awhile, with tons of lavish pillows and silky drapes. He’ll even introduce you to his super secret liquor cabinet (that’s when you know he cares about you).
Lor’themar: I have four choices: deal with an army of undead at our doorstep, face the growing vault of paperwork that was once my personal quarters, have a meeting with Sylvanas, or sit and sob with you on a pile of pillows, Champion. Believe me, there is nothing else on Azeroth that I would rather do.
Rommath: Rommath isn’t into raw emotions and feelings, but he dealt with Kael’thas Sunstrider, the Dramatic Queen, for centuries. Rommath will summon chocolate and wine (he may slip some herbs into your glass without you knowing it), sit with you, and listen patiently if you rant.
(Bonus Edition coming soon)
(Alliance, Dragon Aspects, & Fallen Heroes Editions coming soon. Stay tuned!)
BONUS EDITION:
Vol’jin: Deals with Garrosh in his spare time, so nothing can scare him here. Vol’jin will usher you to the Lost Isles, trying his best to make it seem like a beach-vacation getaway.
*Vol’jin is somehow suckered into a beach volleyball game*
Vol’jin: TEAM VOODOO FOR THE WIN, MON
Garrosh Hellscream, chucking the volleyball across the beach: WE ALL SCREAM FOR TEAM HELLSCREAM!
Garrosh Hellscream: Garrosh is particularly fond of you during this time of the month. He’ll offer to carry you places if the pain is too much. Garrosh enjoys watching you dish out the cold-hard truth, uncensored, to huge orc goons. If one of them takes things a step too far and upsets you, an unrelated *accident* may fall upon them.
Thrall: Garrosh, where is Jastor?
Garrosh, stroking Gorehowl: Taken care of.
Thrall: After his mix-up with the elemental planes, he is used to the wrath of nature. Thrall is very useful heat-wise: he can boil water for you, and cuddle with you in spirit wolf form to try and numb the pain with heat.
Rexxar: Can summon a plethora of cute animals to cuddle with, and fetch items for you so you don’t have to get up. Aka: puppy paradise.
*Sorry I didn't include Saurfang on this list! He deserves to be here, but I'm a few expansions behind, and I'm not really familiar with him as a character. But we have more coming, so please stay tuned!













