Being Transgender As A Schizoid: “Anti-binary”
My gender is intrinsically tied to my experience as a schizoid. I was always just an individual with no real relatability to either of the binary genders, I could not connect with any of that and found it very disconnected and difficult to apply my AGAB or the opposite and its terms to my being.
It took me a few years to feel familiar with something that isn’t binary. Men were foreign, women were foreign and at one point as a child had a weird dissociative phase where I really felt like my existence was just my eyes my literal eyeballs and not my body. Not my brain. Not really “me”, and everything felt like looking through a mild fish eye filter due to the unreality of it. That was DRDP lol now that I’m thinking about it. That is how detached I am from everyone and everyone else.
I am willing to bet there are cisgender schizoids who are just indifferent enough they simply accept it. It’s different than neurotypicals or other neurodivergencies who are cisgender and actually feel more connected to that. To say gender is fixed would be a false statement.
But I’m not apathetic to my gender like maybe some would expect. I identify as Genderfluid using they/them indefinitely in English because while I sense a fluid masculinity and féminité I have anhedonia and can’t put an exact word to it or really know what to do about it. Should have been able to shapeshift haha.
This will sound contradictory but I am a clinical paradox, after all. I do not associate with the term “non-binary” because it is a social construct like most things. Genderfluid falls under the non-binary umbrella yes but because of my literal personality being a disorder and not being very integrated with society I’m calling myself “anti-binary”. This is again touching back on the fact that men and women feel foreign, so do social constructs. This is also because my gender never touches the binary, only oscillating with the masculinity/féminité. 
Diagnosing in a society like this means you’re not the right puzzle piece for society. Mental conditions are real, obviously, because we are a social species. I hope I have deepened your understanding or at least your thoughts about Schizoid personality disorder.
