#general kink

[corasexigence]

On the one hand, I'm so fucking happy to be back on hormones. I'm going to like my body more, I'm going to be able to focus better because my sex drive will go down. Fuck I'm looking forward to my body no longer telling me I need to orgasm four times a day.

On the other hand,, my body telling me to orgasm four times a day,,,,,

[fat-puppy-femboy]

Oh so the other day I was talking with my coworkers and they were chatting about boys and sex and stuff and one of them brought up collars as like a funny weird thing that they don’t really get. Now, I’m the resident virgin, which is fine. We joke about it and whatever but it’s cool. Anyways, I must have made a face when they brought that up because they started teasing me about my reaction. What they don’t know is that I’m probably the kinkiest fucker there and I’m obsessed with collars. Collars aren’t even that kinky to me; they’re almost like a basic necessity for good fun sex. I love a sexy collar (esp heavy duty collars) and I need one so bad. But the whole interaction was just hilarious to me because there’s so much they don’t know.

tl;dr I almost outed myself to my coworkers as extremely kinky and only barely escaped alive

[flilisskywalker]

Everyone calls Finn “General”, but only Rey calls him this way in bed. 

[marnathas]

What is being a dom? Finding my own identity, and my own insecurities.

This is kind of something I've been thinking about for a while, and stuff has happened in my life the last few weeks that have really hit around it a lot. This is gonna be part introspection, part questioning, part not feeling great...

So about four months or so ago, I realised that I was a dom, and not a switch or anything else like that, and to a little bit I embraced it, at least to the point where I'll joke about it, and it's not a question anymore. But even then, I often don't feel like one, or that I don't want to be under that label, or it just doesn't work with me. I'm just going to ramble through maybe why that is, and my own insecurities that come along with it.

Maybe the easiest way to start pinning it down is to talk about what I am exactly. I'm probably closest to a service dom, I focus a lot on giving the other person (sub) a really cool experience, sometimes to the point where that's all the session is and I zone out of myself a bit. Of course that's not always the case, and there's times where I get a bit more "me" centric, but in general that description works well. I'm much more on the lighter end of all of this, I want to keep playing and not playing separate in terms of power dynamics, I'm not at all for like master/slave dynamics (I'm not very controlling in general), or like training people or showing off how submissive people are and shit, protocol and stuff can go and fuck off, I absolutely *adore* brats, and I'm not into punishment at all. And all of this sort of makes me feel like an outcast in this world of kink, honestly.

Now, people are going to come to me and tell me "this is normal what are you whining about?", and maybe they're right. But it's... all the visible examples I see through being in this community aren't that. I know that probably it's just the people like me just quietly do their things behind the scenes, but that doesn't help a lot either. Let me explain. The people I can see in kink relationships, tend to be some, a lot, or all of those things above. The obvious one in the hypno community here in Melb is one bloody uberdom and his literal harem of slavegirls, who isn't able to shut up about how good and submissive and wanting to please they all are. Or when out of interest I went to a workshop about negotiating and setting up kink relationships, and it was again another uberdomme talking about the excessive amount of rules and protocols she wanted her slaves to follow like robots. And obviously online, it's the more dommy people, the ones that're into those kind of things, who talk more openly about things.

(Btw if anyone is taking offence to how I've worded things there I don't give a fuck at the moment, this is me partially ranting and expressing a lot of hurt and feeling crap about things. Normally I'll understand it all intellectually and not have a problem with it, but not at this moment.)

And well, like it or not, that is the dom stereotype, and what people expect, and often do run into. Hell, I've even seen people shit-talk service dom type people in general, so sometimes it feels like I'm doing "domming" wrong or something. It makes me really not want to call myself a dom or such sometimes out of not wanting to associate with all of that.

Although don't get me wrong, I LIKE not being that type of dom. I've been told by some people who've only run into those types of doms before me how much different and how great it is to have a "nice" and "gentle" dom, and honestly it's been the best feeling I've gotten out of all of this, no contest. Just the happiness out of knowing you've made someone's life a bit better, and shown them that people doing this stuff don't have to be arseholes. Playing with someone and seeing just the sheer joy they're having when they start being bratty and mischeivous partway through is awesome too. So to some extend I don't really *understand* the stereotypical doms.

But, I guess here's the rough part, at the same time I feel kind of inadequate, or scared that I'm not "dommy" enough. That I'll find someone who I absolutely love, and that I just won't be able to make them happy because they want someone who's a bigger or better "dom" than I am. That I'll lose people through what to me feels like not being an arsehole, or being not overly controlling. This has been a minor worry of mine for the whole time honestly, it's just been exacerbated the last few weeks because a few things have happened that make me feel, well, I'll say exchangeable, in that kind of manner.

What I mean by that is that I don't matter, just one or two aspects of what I can provide does, and that anyone who can do those same things, "better" or not, can just come along and I can get dropped and replaced at a drop of a hat. I think that's part of where that fear in the previous paragraph comes from, but I'm feeling that in more than just that way. Like running events, for instance, it sometimes feels like all I'm doing is the actual gruntwork of putting the event listing up/booking the venue, and that if I decided to not do it someone else could instantly pick up that job and nobody would care.

Or, a more concrete example that did happen, that's play related too. Story time. Prior to our last play event here, I was talking to a girl who was relatively new to the community here, for a few reasons which I won't disclose. She expressed an interest in experiencing what being hypnotised was like, and seeing what it's like on other people too, and essentially approached me about making that happen. That was pretty cool, and it got me in a rare state of mind to actually want to mess about with people. So the event comes around, people are introducing themselves and such, and she gives me a nod across the room just before we all start getting up, pairing off and mucking about. And several seconds later she's up with someone else to do stuff and I'm just there going "wait, what? uhh...".

Despite having talked about it and been approached about it, I got replaced by someone slightly more conveniently on hand who also ticked the "is able to hypnotise you" box. It. Felt. Shit. And hammered home a feeling I think to some extent I've been worried about for a while about being a dom and running stuff too. Right now, I'm not sure how to really deal with it all. Writing this out at least helps me verbalise it all, although I've lost any idea of where to keep going with this for now so I'm just gonna stop here.

[corasexigence]

Been thinking about this post recently. The idea of agreeing to a lack of information. The idea of walking into an improvised scene, not entirely sure where it's going to go, but trusting each other's signals and safewords, and ready to clean up if/when things go sideways.

https://twitter.com/Goopypanther/status/1737346751093457033?t=ntP75jZlJxbeH-CxCp_zJA&s=19

[corasexigence]

Had a really excellent time demoing dancing into a mutual trance with @lunaeverywhere tonight ^^ Also got to demo bottom for some rope hypno!

[corasexigence]

Had an *excellent* first time at a local dungeon and am definitely looking into getting a membership ^^

[corasexigence]

Thinking about the different forms a negotiation can take. A detailed conversation, a standing arrangement built out of months or years of regular interaction, a simple non-verbal exchange.

On that last point: Thinking about when consent is *informed.* Clarity of intent.