(Geoloh/Yeorim. PG. 1305w. 20130101. pre-Sungkyunkwan Scandal.)
*contains spoilers from the drama.
The first time they met was at an alley of the marketplace.
The first time they met was at an alley of the marketplace. A rumour had spread among the children of the town, and Yongha, being the child who has always loved spicing up his own life, decided to see for himself this so-called "devil kid".
“There, that’s him!”, said one of the children as he pointed towards a kid dressed in full black, leaning against the wall with his head down, face hidden by his untied hair. Yongha began to understand why the other kids were afraid of approaching him; the said "devil kid" gave off a murderous aura that sent chills down the children's spines.
While Yongha recoiled slightly from the aura, he was determined to find out the truth of the "devil kid". He figured nothing could happen to him – even as the other children tried to dissuade him from approaching the "devil"; after all, he was Gu Yongha.
Eventually, their first encounter became more of a staring contest. Yongha hadn’t meant for it to end up like this, he’d planned to go up to the boy, smile his best smile and say “Hi, I'm Gu Yongha”. But when the boy had looked up at him, he was intrigued. He was intrigued by the boy’s eyes, filled with so much hatred – it scared and surprised Yongha how the boy could sit there so calmly with such strong emotions spilling from his eyes.
Yongha was only jolted out of his stupor when the boy said, “Get lost”, in an unnaturally calm tone which hid the torrent of emotions beneath. Yongha was afraid; not for himself, but for the boy. He was afraid of what the boy would do, the stupid actions he might take in this unstable state of mind.
While Yongha had always been taught not to meddle with others’ business – as his father constantly reiterated, “Don’t stand out from the other nobles” – he felt a faint urge to help the boy. It was this mild, yet not mild enough for him to overlook, urge which then led him to befriend the boy whom everyone else was so afraid to approach.
(Fortunately, the other children found it normal for Yongha to befriend the stranger since he is well-known for being sociable and adventurous, saving Yongha from another of his father’s reprimands for standing out.)
As it turned out, the boy was the son of the Minister of Justice, who ran away from home. Moon Jaeshin was his name. He was fourteen when they first met, two years older than Yongha.
Yongha took to himself to talk to Jaeshin every day, subtly trying to soothe the anger Jaeshin kept to himself. Yongha knew that he was being an annoyance to Jaeshin and that he wanted to be alone, but the fact that Jaeshin did not run away from his place at the alley had been reason enough for Yongha to continue pestering him. Somewhere along the way, Yongha realised that following Jaeshin around had become a habit. It wasn’t a bad thing though, since he could feel that he had gained Jaeshin’s acceptance.
Jaeshin never told Yongha the reason why he ran away from home; Yongha never asked for the reason either.
Yongha knew, since the very beginning, that his entire life is a lie. He'd felt a degree of embarrassment and shame from the lie, which had been enough for him to cover it up with more lies. Being a joongin among the noble-class children, he hid this lie with his seemingly sociable nature. He is everyone's friend, but no one's close friend. Everyone knew him, but no one knew enough about him.
To him, Jaeshin was his first true friend. Despite Jaeshin’s act of being annoyed at his presence, the way Jaeshin never really pushed him away allowed him to know that Jaeshin hadn’t really been annoyed. Jaeshin was the only one who’d put up with not only his nonsense, but also his complaints. Jaeshin was the only one who’d truly listen to him when he complained. It was why he felt even more terrible for lying to Jaeshin. If it was anyone else, lying would have been much easier since the guilt he'd feel would be tremendously less.
The shame weighed down on him greater and greater by the day, until one day Jaeshin actually spoke up to ask, “Is something wrong?”
He had been surprised at first by the concern, and then hesitant as to whether to disclose this truth.
“I – what if –”, Yongha paused, before a stroke of determination pushed him to carry on, “if I told you I was a joongin, what would you do?”
To Yongha’s relief and surprise, Jaeshin did not give much of a reaction, merely drinking another shot of wine before looking up at Yongha and slurring his reply, “Does it really matter? Ultimately, you’re still Gu Yongha.”
Yongha was startled, before feeling the breath and tension he hadn’t known he was holding being released. As Jaeshin focused on pouring more wine for himself, Yongha felt the sides of his lips turning upwards and heard his own voice affirming, “Yes, I’m Gu Yongha.”
Shortly after Yongha turned fourteen, he felt a muted desire to touch Jaeshin. For a kid who had always been so self-conscious, even the faintest feeling within him can be grasped, and he knew what this desire can cause. He was distressed, afraid of what others might think, afraid of what he might do, afraid of what Jaeshin would do. In such a conservative country where homosexuality was regarded as wrong, Yongha became confused and ashamed. He knew it wasn’t right to like another man, yet he couldn't stop the attraction he felt.
During this time, he’d questioned his sexuality, as well as the world’s views on the issue. He’d attempted to get rid of the desire by playing around with women. Yet, nothing worked; instead, he’d gotten himself the nickname, Yeorim. Eventually, he decided to use this frivolous personality to mask the dangerous desire of his.
When Jaeshin had found out about his nickname, Jaeshin had laughed and teased him about it. Jaeshin’s laughter made Yongha smile, causing him to momentarily disregard the teasing. In the end, he’d come up with a nickname for Jaeshin too, outwardly as a "revenge" for the teasing, but inwardly as a mark of their friendship. Geoloh was Jaeshin's nickname – crazy horse.
Jaeshin entered Sungkyunkwan, through the connections his father had pulled, at the young age of 19. During this time, Yongha was left alone outside since no one else was allowed to enter the Scholars’ Village. Jaeshin would come out to visit him at times while complaining a little about school life, but that was it.
Hence, Yongha made up his mind to enter Sungkyunkwan as well, and in two years’ time, he did.
Once Yongha entered Sungkyunkwan, he took to knowing everyone within the school. It was then that he became friends with Ha Insoo, the son of the Minister of War, and the widely acknowledged leader of Noron’s next generation within Sungkyunkwan. While it could be said that it was because of Yongha’s sociable personality that he became friends with Ha Insoo, Yongha knew that he’d tried a little harder to become close to Ha Insoo for his own selfish reasons. After all, by befriending Ha Insoo, it would allow him to hide his greatest lie as he would not be on the receiving end of Insoo’s tirade.
(Doing so would also protect Geoloh from becoming Insoo’s target as Yongha would then be able to persuade Insoo otherwise.)
In the end, during these 10 years of friendship, Yongha’s feelings towards Jaeshin may have always been a little more than that for friends.
“I told you already;
the one I trust
is not the king,
but you,
Geol oh.”
- Gu Yongha
A/N: just watched SKKS, and tbh I believe I focused more on this couple than the lead couple of the show; this couple is one which I looked forward to the most throughout the show. just dumping my feels here. (;
Happy New Year~ (:
