Eltingville Club Head canons!!
Jerry STROKES
1- As much as we (at least I do π) wanna believe that he could do no wrong, he definitely has 2 accounts on any social media site. 1 for keeping up his "image" to random people on the internet, and the other for just straight up BULLYING. doxxing, being rude, and spreading fake news and hate
2- CAN'T STOP PICKING. His acne, scabs, his nasty ass sweater he doesn't wash. Poor guy just doesn't know what to do with his hands
3- NO BACKBONE. he definitely is easily persuaded. Either that or he just agrees with everyone else so he doesn't get made fun of more than he already does
4- He's a furry (I think Mr. Dorkin confirmed this like halfway on a random tweet IDK take it with a grain of salt) He just hates on them in public when in reality, he's saving up money to buy fursuit supplies. His fursona would probably be a rat, mouse, cat, fox, or dragon
5- Neurodivergent. Need I say more?
6- Has unnaturally long eye lashes and doesn't get why he gets so many compliments on them. (The only reason any girl would willingly come up to him)
7- Listens to Lemon Demon and forces everyone to listen with him (Josh and Bill secretly like it too (βΏββ‘β))
8- Is totally a poser to impress other people
Jer: "Oh yeah, I LOVE Nirvana. I listen to ALL their songs"
Mya: "Name your favorite"
Jer: "... Smells like.. Teen... Agers? "
Mya: "Don't piss me off."
Pete Ditalini
1- I'm pretty sure the other 3 people in the fandom can agree this guys a GORE WHORE
2- He's in love with Tyler's "Goblin" and "Bastard" Albums. Argue with the wall. (The only other song from any other album he enjoys is Tamale)
3- Loves his women either chubby or toned. Not quite an in between π½
4- Enjoys women wrestling *COUGH COUGH* RHEA RIPLEY!! THAT WOMAN IS SEXY ππ€°πΎ
5- Accidentally combs his hair back even though he's bald (it's muscle memory for him- epilogue Pete)
6- Smells like cigarettes and blood (Epilogue Pete)
7- Totally enjoys being bossed around by the nearest woman within a 1 million mile radius
8- Tried summoning a succubus once but got caught by his dad
9- Also obviously listens to Deftones (DUH). Thinks he's Chino Moreno π. Fav songs are "Korea", " My Own Summer", "Bored", " Knife Prty", and "This Place is Death"
10- 3 DAYS GRACE TOO π. Likes "Overrated", " Just Like You" and "Let You Down" (srry I'm NEWGEN βΉοΈππΎ)
11- Has a natural guyliner look to his eyes and everyone thinks he draws it on βΉοΈ
Josh Heavy
1- Cheeto puffs are his go-to snack
2- Has not changed his limited edition Batman underwear since the day he got them
3- Secretly tried giving himself a wolf cut because he thought it'd make him more "Alpha" but he fucked it up, which is why he's always wearing that hairline-receding, Jojo siwa ponytail
4- Eats croutons straight from the bag
5- Stole a shirt from the mall ONE TIME and felt guilty so he turned himself in to the police
6- He tried to make his own cardboard cutout of Superboy but the printer at the library malfunctioned because of all the colored ink he was using so he got banned from there
7- Draws himself with hot babes using art tips he learned from Jerry
8- Also has long ass eyelashes and bats them on purpose
#STOP THE JOSH ERASURE π
And last but most certainly least,
William Alan Dickhead
1- Never changes those shitty bed sheets ππΎ
2- He makes videos of himself in situations that would never happen (Roleplaying him getting a girlfriend and then he does that little kissing thing with his hands on his own back THAT ONE THING WE ALL DID AS KIDS? someone has to get it π)
3- Scratches his balls and gets dirt under his nails from doing so
4- Writes fanfics about him being the best and everyone bows down to him.. Although the art is BUNS
5- Unironically calls himself the alpha π₯
}Alanpha87: "I'm literally an alpha and all of you are beta male CUCKS who'd wish you could be me. Well news flash, it's not happening. HAH! "
6- Thinks he's Bill Cypher
7- Thinks he's the #1 looksmaxxer and is TOTALLY the best at mewing
8- Secretly listens to Paramore
NOTE: some of these definitely have elements from later times / recent media and I'm here to tell you that nobody cares
NOTE 2: I might just keep updating this instead of making a 2nd post so watch for updatesππ
#agent00 (βΏββ‘β)