#germanbreaker

[ellietakesitout-blog]

Hopia all year round

Akala ko pang Chinese New Year lang ang hopia. Pero bakit hopiang hopia ako sa'yo? Why do I always hope for someone to reciprocate my feelings for them? I actually know the reason why, that is, I never had a boy friend. Actually, the real question should be, when will I ever learn to stop hoping for that day when someone will fall for me? I am a hopeless case, and no one can love me. Who would even dare to love a girl with a crooked face and unpleasant attitude? Who would desire to have someone who pretends that she can be alone for life? I am pretentious, ugly, highly-ambitious, and mean girl. I am hard to love. I am impossible. The crazy thing is, I knew this all my life yet I resist to believe. I refuse to accept my fate. I keep on hoping when clearly there's no hope. I end up making myself believe that 'person x' likes me when in fact all I do is assume and over interpret their actions towards me. Then I resort to hating them because all this time, I fooled myself. Let's be frank about this, he never liked me, and he will never. It's just me who's putting malice on each and every kind act he does. Yes, it's just me who creates the problem all along. I cling, attach, hope, and assume too much. What a hypocrite! I've known all these things half of my life yet I never learned my lesson.

[ellietakesitout-blog]

To the boy who played with a fragile heart

Stop playing with my emotions. I just can't afford to fall for it. Don't you know that I have never been loved by the opposite sex? Yes, I am a hopeless romantic. I fall easily and fast. I am easily lured by your playful words and actions. I pretend to be wise not to believe in your foolish ways, but deep within me I just crave for affection and attention. In fact, I have fallen for you already. That fast, that stupid. I would push you away as if I knew how to play your game. But inside me I know I just want to hold you close all the time. I ignore you as if I don't care at all. But you know what, all I think about is how you think of me. I dream about you that it now turns to a broken hearted's nightmare. People would say I'm playing hard to get and picky. The truth is, I just want to be perfectly sure that you are into me because if ever, this will be my first time and I'm afraid I will give everything to you. I know that if I am caught off guard, I just might lose it all. "I like you too" and "I miss you more", these words are what I've been dying to say. You were always vocal about this. I chose to kept silent because I'm unsure if what you say is what you truly feel. If I say it, it's all of me. It's the honest truth. I'm afraid to fall for you that's why I've always repelled to the attention you're giving me. I'm denying you and my feelings for you because I don't know if you're real or if I'm just one of your games. I demand too much attention from you because that's the only way I will be assured that you're real. At the end of it all, I obviously failed. The thought that I wrote this for you shows how affected I am by the trick you played on me. I have fallen for you, and now I'm back to not knowing what to do. I want you and the outpour of attention you used to give me. I know it's all fun and games, but I didn't get it and I don't know until when will I make myself believe. Sincerely, The girl who never felt loved by a boy