Feliz año nuevo! Happy New Year! Whatever.
Hola, motherfuckers. Made it to 2017 and I’m still free as a fuckin’ bird. But damn, I am hungover in the worst fucking way. Need that hangover cure I used to get down The Alibi, the one with the beer and egg and the hot sauce. Tasted like fucking dog’s balls but always worked a treat.
NYE was a weird ass night, man. Went down to this piñata festival shit down the street to get me some food and ran into the fucker I banged the other night. It was kinda fucking awkward cos I mean sure, he was a good fuck and all but I wasn’t planning on ever seeing him again.
So anyways, he started hanging around and I couldn’t fucking shake him. Like, he literally just wouldn’t leave. Turns out his name is Raúl. Thought about kicking his ass just to get rid of him, but then I figured I don’t know no one else down here, may as well let him hang around for a bit. Figured he could maybe help me with my Spanish or whatever.
Ended up at the beach with a bottle of tequila and rang in the New Year getting fucked good and hard by Raúl. And lemme tell you, banging on the beach sounds a lot fucking sexier than it actually is because that motherfucking sand is one hell of an annoying bitch. I literally got sand up my ass. Thank christ for lube, is all I’m saying.
Still spent NYE getting fucked by a hot piece of ass, so I figure it could have been a helluva a lot worse. And maybe I’ll see Raúl again because he really ain’t too bad - he don’t ask too many stupid fucking questions and he shares his coke with me. Just as long as he don’t talk too much or expect me to cuddle with him after we bang or some shit. Soon as that happens, I’m done.