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@moonelight you are banned from looking at this post baby
GUYS
IM FREAKING OUT
55 days till our anniversary, and I am empty on ideas of what to get her T-T
Plz help you godsend of moots 🙏🙏🙏
@permetutotheworld @your-local-depressed-fangirl @fukurouonthesea @the-eclipse-is-in-me @siriuslyobsessed394 @sionnaach @lemedstudent2021 @an1d10t @thylocalbard @rachelsblue-hairbrush @overwhelmedfernfrond @purple-racoon-80 @that-one-introvert-theater-kid @ailingturmoil @quinty-sky
My gf was frustrated with me bc I’m feeling unsettled after some Trump-related stuff and she threw a wheat bag at my chest from less than a metre away and it hurt. I immediately had the urge to cough and I stg if this makes my breathing harder in any way I’m going to jump off a bridge. She apologised straight away because she thought it was too heavy to actually make it to me but I’m like 🙃 I’ve seen this tree before 🙃
Well I feel too nauseous to eat. Gf dropped a “well you’re sick and none of my friends are replying to me so I might go out to the city tonight an old guy friend.” Two years ago she was partying as a self-destruct method and getting assaulted regularly. Then we had the whole thing with a group of 40+ men hunting her down to hurt her. Then she “let” an old guy friend assault her bc she didn’t want to wake me up (she fawns). Then she let another old guy friend back into her DMs just to find out he’d been feeding information to her stalker. Another two of her old guy friends were in the “hunting party.” So as you can imagine, this phrase filled me with dread. I tried to clarify (I was so nice 🙃) and she snapped at me and now I’m the bad guy for being stressed at her text.
I’m going to vomit and then I’m going to bed (it’s 6pm) and you never know maybe I’ll never wake up 🤞🏻
think my gf darvo’d me tonight but maybe i’m just sensitive?
we were watching a game show and trying to answer the questions. we both got the same one wrong and she was like “i did x and it was wrong” and i said “i did y and it was wrong too.” she was like “so you just guessed?” and i said no, i counted the negative spaces in the picture. she kept pushing being like “so you made a random guess” and then “okay well you’re out cos you got that one wrong” so i said, “you’re out too then.” she said she wasn’t bc she worked it out and i just made a random guess. i told her i didn’t appreciate it but i was trying to keep it light.
i also said i’d started this new book and it wasn’t horror so could i tell her about it, and she groaned and went “ugh is it sci fi or fantasy cos i don’t care. oh, go on tell me.” i said it was fine, she got pissy and demanded i tell her. so i did while she half listened.
then the game show came back on and it showed another puzzle and she snapped, “do you get this one?”
i do get a bit passive aggressive sometimes i admit that, but i snapped back that yeah i did, which prompted her to ask me what was wrong and i said i felt like she was putting me down.
she told me i was acting like a bitch, so i stopped engaging. she told me i was being childish so i stopped and told her that i felt like she was mocking me and putting me down and she knows i’m sensitive about my brain so it hurt me.
she told me that she didn’t mean it in a negative way and she wasn’t calling me stupid, that it was my own interpretation of her words and it wasn’t her problem that i took it the wrong way. that being snappish at her wasn’t fair because she can’t manage my emotions for me and my aura when i’m upset about something is upsetting to her and that i get defensive over everything.
then i told her (again) to not ever call me a bitch and that respect is important and it doesn’t feel like she respects me. she said she just says shit she doesn’t mean when she’s angry, though she did apologise and promise (again) to not do it again.
this is so fucking exhausting and demoralising. part of me knows how fucked up it is, part of me thinks it must be my problem.
Your girlfriend wants you to have multiple children and no cats? Have you told her you want multiple cats and no children? What do you mean you don’t want a relationship? I’m sorry if this is too invasive I’m just wondering what on earth is going on… are you okay?
correct! and no i’m not okay x
she’s known about my catmum, childfree ways since before we got together. i’ve reiterated it several times through the relationship but it became an issue bc her bpd made her hate one of my cats when she got sick and i had to go home and insisted on being home more. my cats loved her and were all over her when she was staying at my place. she’s said several times that she can’t wait for [youngest cat] to die (of old age) bc then we can move in together. my cat is not dying any time soon, apart from her anxiety she’s a perfectly healthy 8yo cat. i told her they are my children and i don’t appreciate how she speaks about them. she toned it down but it’s always in the back of my mind.
i’ve also told her that i don’t want to bring children into this world, i don’t want to deal with children, and i would not raise a boy.
before we got together i told her i didn’t see myself being in a relationship with anyone, i wasn’t interested. i’ve had relationships before and i just don’t feel the need for one. if i happened to find a woman who perfectly fit with me then great but i don’t need a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled and it’s too much effort. but my gf basically wore me down and emotionally manipulated me until i said okay. if i had a better support system i would have cut her off completely. when i tried to break up with her last year - and part of the reason was because i don’t want to be in a relationship - she told me i was broken and pathetic and it was sad and she didn’t believe me anyway.
i haven’t felt like myself in two years. i have no energy, motivation or true happiness. by nature i’m a chaotic, silly, creative and interesting person. but i can’t be any of that with her. she drains my energy and she doesn’t care about the things i care about, or find things interesting that i find interesting. she also doesn’t care that i find something interesting; she doesn’t want to hear about it. i can’t cut or dye my hair bc change makes her anxious. i love cutting and dyeing my hair on a whim. i can’t talk about horror, creepy things, aliens, zombies, ghosts, any of the things i love. i can’t watch my comfort shows/movies bc they feel foreign to her and that stresses her out. between her anxiety, ocd and bpd i am locked in to doing what she wants when she wants and i can’t do anything outside of that. i can’t hang out with my friends or my sister without it being a Thing. she’s also weird about me helping out my family with stuff, it’s always “why do YOU need to do it” bc my sister needs a hand and my mum’s busy? i’m not doing anything rn so i can go to the supermarket and grab a few things for her so she can finish her fence? like. i don’t get it.
my gf is on her way to her own conclusion that we’re not compatible long term. i’ve already learnt that it’s going to have to come from her, she won’t accept it if it comes from me. so i’m planting seeds 🙃
Honestly queen I know you’re worried about your girlfriend’s safety if you broke up with her but you need to protect and look after yourself. You are not responsible for her behaviour and nor what happens to her if you broke up with her. She is an adult and while she has BPD that’s not your problem. She should be getting help for it and it doesn’t sound like she is. That’s on her. Do you have fun with her? Do you laugh? Does she look after you or is it just you looking after her all the time? Wha about your needs and desires? Just because she’s a vulnerable woman doesn’t mean you need to stay with her if you’re not happy. Relationships should be fun. They’re not always easy but if it almost always seems hard/it’s hard the majority of the time then it isn’t worth it. Life is too short to be with people who cause you stress and unhappiness. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Thank you anon, this felt comforting; I didn’t want to respond and lose it out my inbox 😭 we do have fun and laugh, but no she doesn’t take care of me or put my needs/wants first ever. I feel like I’m not a full person when I’m with her most of the time. I’m not ME I’m just Her Gf. People around us have described me as her carer and I hate that. That’s not the sort of relationship I want (tbf I don’t really want any relationship, that’s why I was single for so long before her)
do you have access to therapy or any trusted friends you can talk to? I think that might be helpful even if you can't take any action to change the situation with your gf anytime soon
Unfortunately I don’t really have many friends left - most I lost bc of her and her BPD. I do still have my best friend but she has two small kids so doesn’t have a lot of extra energy or time to help much. I need to get back into therapy it’s just expensive and I’m poor so I need to work that out but I do need to do something. Thank you for your concern anon it really does help xx
