#ghost's presentation

[charlie-ver]

she is just a bit too small for the box but that does not stop her.

[charlie-ver]

hell awaits me at university, so here's my favourite skull I own. Feel free to ID it! I have no idea what it is. My best bet is a young Red Deer because it's apparently very common in Europe.

ps- I do not have any details. My parents' friend gave ot to them along with a doe carcass one day, they brought it home and gave it to me because I like bones (: It was obtained with accordance to my country's law, don't worry.

[charlie-ver]

Please tell me I am not insane and more people are being followed by at least three porn bots EVERY DAY, I feel like I am succumbing to the whirlpools of insanity. It feels surreal. I am overreacting for sure but it just feels so surreal? It's not even comical anymore?

[charlie-ver]

i keep getting these occasional flashes of trying to separate my art as a professional site from my sketches and shitposting but honestly I can't care

you're following me? you're in for not just my fucked up art but also for: sketches, rambles, oc lore and incoherent posts about ocs, work, school or dreams

[charlie-ver]

i can't stop thinking about how I have been called Beautiful at pride like haha WHAT

[charlie-ver]

i dont have time or energy but I eventually want to make mothman designs and give them out to friends

hey friends who would like one (friends = moots I suppose bc it's not like I talk to my actual friends that much anyway lol sorry I am probably actually antisocial at this point)

[charlie-ver]

yeah so I do not visit the sea often, right. But I do believe to have thalassophobia. Because of my fucking dreams.

I have slept for 3 hours and one of my many dreams was the following:

A delivery guy showed up at my place. We had cars in the front, so the people from the house went to part them next to the house while I hung back in yard, poking around. Somehow I was instructed to remove a pile of dirt. (At this point I discovered I may have not been me but some fallen angel? I made a lot of sarcastic comments about god in the way someone would talk about their neglectful parent. I believe this is just my binge watching of Lucifer showing up.)

Anyway, so I went to remove the dirt with someone else. We discovered that there were huge ass ants, like size-of-your-palm ants, so we left it alone. I think one then bit me because I became "connected to All Nature" (my words in-dream) and suddenly I am looking at the grass but the grass is a view over an underwater cliff, into a trench. I can recognize I am rather deep, because the trench if filled with blue-black. There's barely any light.

And then I see an enormous shape emerging. It's like a whale, but much much bigger and the snout (?) is lot more rounded. A leviathan, if you will. And then I hear it wail "Come.... Closer...."

And that's when I woke up, in absolute panic, which only happens when I dream or something scary, gross, shoking or when I die.

I've always been rather uncomfortable with depths - even in the pool - which is why I deeply dislike those huge pool complexes with many many pools and many of them having big drop-offs. "Deep ends" I suppose. I don't like the thought of swimming at sea because of the thought of being Eaten. (Not that I can swim? I learned but dropped it as soon as my gender related body issues emerged.)

So maybe I do have some absolute terror about this. Maybe it was a manifestation of the Call of the Void, which is something I experience very regularly. Either way, I have not had a dream that has left me briefly panic for a while, so maybe I have some form of Thalassophobia even though I no longer interact with large bodies of water nor do I observe them. But I believe that it is a rather rational fear - there are big, scary things deep down. How do we know there isn't something bigger? We don't. Sure, it would have to be something that never surfaces and likely something denser than water so it doesn't resurface after it dies, and the deep ocean would have to be able to provide it with enough calories to live, but that isn't exactly absolutely impossible, is it? When I say leviathan, I just mean something eluded to us. I don't mean a fantastical deep sea dragon, I just mean a huge animal that can survive it's entire life in the very depths and which sinks when it dies.

But, don't take me seriously. I have have and art hs degree and will be starting my bachelor education in English next month. I am not a man of science.

[charlie-ver]

Will I take a break from existing online and doing art because everything hurts ans I am again stressed which I was trying hard to avoid this summer?

Perhaps.

If you don't hear from me for a few days I'm likely ok, just resting.