#giuls stuff

[littleitaly94]

Realizing how self-centered my love and care for others is... I'll sacrifice my time and energy for my husband and my kids but the whole time I'm keeping a tally of all the nice things I've done and how much they should be grateful to me, and the moment they do something to offend me, the scoreboard comes out in my head and I tell myself what an injustice is being done to me. I wallow in self-pity and hold a grudge, and that's all the things love shouldn't be.

"Love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong-doing."

-1 Corinthians 13:5

A reminder for myself.

"To say that I was Ungit meant that I was as ugly in soul as she; greedy, blood-gorged." -Till We Have Faces, CS Lewis

"If there's anything that would immediately cool my 'active' love for mankind, that one thing is ingratitude. In short, I work for pay and demand my pay at once, that is, praise and a return of love for my love. Otherwise I'm unable to love anyone!" -Brothers Karamazov, Fyodor Dostoevsky

Thank God for his mercy and grace, which he wants to extend to me and is only waiting for my to realize how desperately I need it.

"I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?" -TWHF, Lewis

"Avoid contempt, both of others and of yourself: what seems bad to you in yourself is purified by the very fact that you have noticed it in yourself." -BK, Dostoevsky

Lord help me to love without seeking validation for what I've done.

Help me not so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, and to be loved as to love. For it is in giving we receive, it is pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born into eternal life. Amen.

[littleitaly94]

For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Lord help me live like that.

[littleitaly94]

I think I might always be too Catholic to be Protestant and too Protestant to be Catholic. This is what they meant by limbo.

[littleitaly94]

I had a dream last night that i visited a Catholic church and after church we all sat around a big table and the priest brought holy water and we dipped out fingers in it and put crosses on our forehead and he said "remember your baptism" and we would say like "i remember it" or something like that. And i was super nervous the whole time cuz i was like "I've never done this, they're gonna know I'm not Catholic" and when it was my turn i said "I'm not really sure what to do" and he was really nice and helped me along and i did it and he asked me if I remember my baptism and i said "well, i was baptized when I was a baby but then i was baptized again like 3 years ago..." And i was so embarrassed knowing they'd probably think that was horrible, but everyone around the table was like "awe that must be a precious memory" and encouraged me.

Anyway, no idea what any of that means but it was the most detailed and weirdly normal dream ive had in a while. Most of my dreams end with magic creatures taking over the world or something so 🤷

[littleitaly94]

Things i need to remember from Redeeming Love

1) Sex is not a bad thing. The way the world uses it is a bad thing. But God has given it as a gift for married couples to delight in each other. You don't have to feel sinful having sex with your husband and enjoying it.

2) God is with you all the way, even in His silence. He has your whole life planned out, and he directs each step. Even the bad things he uses to bring you to where he needs you to be to shape you and to use you to help others reach him as well.

3) Listen for God's voice. He does speak to you and you may just not be listening.

4) God puts people in your life for a reason. Don't push them away. Putting up walls doesn't help anyone. Least of all you.

5) "The Lord is not bound by denomination"

6) Jesus is yearning for you to return to Him. No matter how far you think you've fallen or how little you think you deserve forgiveness "this time". He is waiting for you to come back. He is ready to hear you say you love him and to immediately forget every wrong you've ever done to Him.

7) He is capable of bringing you out of the darkest valley.

[littleitaly94]

Dream about fantasy world where magical creatures begin to transform into wild swirling masses of either fire magic or ice magic, and as long as the number is balanced they keep each other in check/from transforming further, but if one becomes greater than the other, an apocalyptic event is triggered