Oh my God, I had ALLLL the patriotic American feels for this video (also them singing the anthem might have made me cry)(and so did the first TWO SECONDS of the video oh my god I just. I can't). This video is perfection and I LOVE fanvids that have clips of video like this, the kind where it's the video's original sound in places (I explained that badly. But I mean, the part where the music pauses so you hear the players singing the anthem and then I cry tears of joy). This is so well done and beauuutiifuulll!
Oh my god I have read this so many times already, it's perfection. This is my all-time favourite characterisation of Max, Kes/Alex are so cute I was in heaven and Kevin's just so perfect! It's a police!AU which is already fantastic and then there's Alex being insecure, Max being angry, and Kes and Kevin's weirdo friendship and oh my god everything is perfect. (And Max, I can't get over how much I love him in this!)
(There might have been a lot of incoherent fangirling over this fic when I read it)(twelve times). I LOVE this - it's sweet precious Alex and protective Kevin and their dynamic is so perfect and natural! I really like the team interaction, Kevin's thought processes, and how automatically he cares for Alex. Everything that happens in this is just perfect and it's basically the fic of my heart because it's got every single thing I love in it (vulnerable Alex and protective Kevin especially, oh my god) and it's beautiful.
Fic below!
Without You I Just Don't Fit
Kevin is kind of floored when Alex scoots down the bench in the locker room and quietly asks him to dinner that night.
“I mean unless you have plans or you just don’t want to, it’s fine, I promise. I can—”
Kevin stutters out a shaky, “A-Alex, Alex,” and Alex finally stops babbling.
“What? I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, don’t—don’t apologize. I’d love to have dinner,” Kevin tells him, soft so none of the guys can hear.
But they do hear and it’s talk of the entire locker room before they can even shower. Alex looks kind of shaken but takes it in stride.
“I was wondering why Alex wore something so nice today,” Ryan comments as they’re putting their gear away.
Alex emerges from the showers, hair still a little damp, fixing his cuffs in a dark button down shirt and dress pants and Kevin just swoons. He smiles at Kevin so shy and sweet and pulls his jacket out of his locker.
“Ready?” He asks, timid like Kevin will say no and cancel their plans.
“Yes, of course.” Kevin jumps up, smiling and ignoring the catcalls as they leave.
Alex leads Kevin to his car, starts to the passenger side and decides against it at the last moment. Kevin climbs into the car and just watches Alex turn the ignition and buckle his seatbelt and put the car in gear.
“I have reservations at the new Italian restaurant. Is that alright?” Alex asks, turns to glance at Kevin.
“That’s fine. I’ve been meaning to try it,” Kevin replies, relaxes in hopes that it will make Alex more at ease.
His shoulders are tense and he flexes his fingers on the steering wheel. Kevin doesn’t force him to talk, but he knows it’s odd that Alex isn’t rambling. The restaurant is packed, but their reservation gets them out of the crowd and seated at a private table toward the back. Alex orders them a bottle of wine and asks for water and Kevin sees his arms move back and forth under the table until he realizes and stops. They order when the waiter returns—Alex gets pasta and Kevin asks for chicken Bryan—and Alex shifts in his chair once he leaves.
“I hope I didn’t screw up bringing you out somewhere. What are the reporters going to say?” Alex begins to fret, looks downright scared, and Kevin wants to hold him and protect him.
“They can say whatever they want to say and we don’t have to tell them right or wrong. Don’t worry about what other people think, Alex. You’re too cute to be upset.”
The compliment slips out without his knowing until Alex is turning pink and smiling so devastatingly and Kevin can’t breathe.
“So—euh—I was right thinking that you were interested in me?” Alex looks so hopeful and eager and Kevin couldn’t lie in that moment even if he hadn’t been absolutely smitten since the day Alex walked in the locker room.
“Yeah,” Kevin says, rubs his neck nervously.
Alex grins so brightly, fingers curled into the tablecloth. He relaxes almost immediately and starts talking about everything and Kevin falls in love all over again. But he can’t help but feel inadequate. He thinks anyone in this restaurant could take Alex home and make him much happier than he ever could. He makes a joke out of practically everything Alex does—how could he love me as much as I love him?
“Kevin, why are you—euh—spacing out?”
Kevin shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I thought I left something at the rink. Keep going, I’m listening.”
Alex just smiles again and launches back into his story, complete with jumbled words and hand gestures and a nearly spilt glass of wine. Despite asking for the wine, Alex doesn’t touch his until their meals come. Kevin sips from his glass every now and then, but wants to be completely sober in case he gets to take Alex home that night. Even when the food arrives, Alex talks and talks and unknowingly makes Kevin worry.
What if he wants kids? Do I want kids? I haven’t thought about having kids. Will he leave me if I don’t want kids?
Would he want to move in with me or should I move in with him? He does have a nice apartment, but I love mine.
That guy is looking at Alex. Oh, God. No, no, no, don’t you even think about it. I am not afraid to go—
“Kevin, what is the matter?” Alex looks upset and Kevin hates himself for that.
They’re almost done with their meal and Alex was thinking about dessert but now he looks like he wants to run out of the restaurant.
“Alex, I’m so sorry. I—”
“No, Kevin, I’m sorry. I thought you liked me as much as I like you. I might even love you, Kevin, but you can’t even listen to me for one hour so I apologize for wasting your time.”
And he’s gone. Just like that. Kevin loathes himself in that moment for probably making Alex cry. Kevin pays the bill and leaves quickly, but Alex already left. The rink isn’t too far, only a few blocks, so Kevin walks.
You had a chance—a really fucking great chance—and you threw it away because you’re insecure and can’t believe someone would love you. How could you hurt him like that? He’ll never trust anyone because of you and he’ll probably ask to transfer to Montréal and you’ll never see him again because you just never thought he was capable of enjoying your company.
Kevin walks the few streets with his thoughts leading him further into despair. He gets in his car and drives home, still full of thoughts of angry disbelief. He sleeps hardly three hours and is up until five watching infomercials. He finally falls asleep on the couch and wakes up hours later having missed all of morning skate. For some reason he gets dressed and drives to the rink, thinking he should explain himself to Coach.
But his car isn’t the only one in the lot like it should be. It’s Alex’s car and he is bent over the steering wheel sobbing and it destroys Kevin. Kevin knocks lightly on the window and Alex jumps, tries to hold it together until he realizes. He turns away, puts his wrist up to his mouth. Kevin tries the handle and it opens easily so he climbs in, shuts the door.
“Alex,” Kevin says, gentle and pleading. “Alex, please look at me.”
Alex says something in French that sounds miserable and nearly like a prayer, covers is face with his hands.
“Oh, Alex, I’m so sorry. Please, please look at me. I want to explain to you.” Kevin reaches to take one of Alex’s hands away, holds it carefully if Alex wants to take it back.
But he doesn’t and he sniffles and looks over at Kevin with watery brown eyes and Kevin feels absolutely disgusting for making him cry.
“I was so stupid, Alex, and I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am. I somehow got it in my head that you were far too good for me and you could have gone home with anyone in that restaurant but I forgot to realize that you had already chosen me. I wasn’t smart enough to see that I had you right in front of me all happy and amazing and just completely you. I was an idiot to think you didn’t like me because you were there with me and I can’t believe I wasted that.
“I should never ask this of you, but if you give me another chance I will make sure to never waste my time with you because you are something to be cherished and adored. I want to love you and protect you more than anything I have ever wanted in this world. I want you to see how good I can be to you, Alex.”
Alex just continues to sob and Kevin thinks he really fucked this up, but then Alex is smiling a little through his tears and reaches for Kevin. Holding Alex feels like coming home and Kevin can’t catch his breath.
“Oh God, Alex,” Kevin breathes, holds him tight and careful and never wants to let him go.
“Kevin, I’m so sorry I left you and ran away and I should have stayed but I was so scared and I thought you went with me as a joke and I didn’t want you to see me cry—”
Kevin pulls back to hold Alex’s face in his hands, strokes his thumbs over damp cheeks.
“Shhh, shhh, Alex, you don’t have to explain anything. I hurt you and it was a terrible thing to do and I will do anything to make it up to you.” Kevin can barely meet Alex’s eyes for how much pain he holds there and Alex’s lip trembles until he bites it. He tries to keep his voice level, keeps Alex close. “I want you to think about giving me another chance. I don’t want you to do it only because you feel bad for abandoning me—which you should not feel bad for. Don’t think about me because right now I deserve to be shipped off to Boston and I would do it if it would make you happy.”
Alex gives him a shaky smile, sniffles, and croaks, “I don’t want you to go to Boston.”
Kevin smiles and smoothes Alex’s hair, “I don’t want to go to Boston.”
Alex laughs a little and Kevin grins at him, sitting back a little.
“Let me buy you lunch,” Kevin suggests. “We’ll take separate cars and it’ll just be as friends.”
“Okay,” Alex says, wipes his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie. “I’d like that.”
Kevin opens the door and climbs out, leans down. “Let’s go to the café down the road, the one that you love so much.”
Alex brightens fractionally and nods, turns the key in the ignition. “I’ll meet you there.”
Kevin smiles and closes the door. He takes several deep breaths as he gets in his car, follows Alex to the café and has to talk himself down. He’s giving you a second chance and you can’t screw it up. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
…
“You acted like a dick.”
Kevin sighs, hangs his head. “I deserve that.”
“Yeah, you do,” Ryan says, sitting down beside Kevin. “I thought you would get over yourself once Alex asked you out, but you freaked. I told him you would be fine. What happened?”
“I failed to see that I already had him and tried to push him away because I felt inadequate. It was really fucking stupid,” Kevin replies, but it doesn’t really matter because he got to kiss Alex the night before last (and last night—well, really all of yesterday).
Alex comes into the locker room with Roberto beside him smiling and talking to him. Alex just smiles at Kevin, so timid and sweet and unlike himself on the ice. Kevin smiles back because he has to smile at Alex and Roberto winks at Alex before crossing the room to his locker. Ryan kind of knocks Kevin down the bench to make room for Chris, who sits and smiles into Ryan’s kiss and the majority of the team gags in mock protest. Alex sits beside Kevin almost tentatively and Kevin already knows that Alex doesn’t want the displays of affection in front of the team. He just gives him a warm smile and touches his hand.
“God—just kiss him already,” someone hollers across the locker room, but Kevin ignores them.
“I won’t kiss you here,” he murmurs. “Not until you’re comfortable.”
Alex smiles gratefully. “Thank you.”
Kevin just strokes his thumb over Alex’s knuckles and gets lost in his dark eyes. Practice is like normal except that Alex comes up behind him and bumps him with his hip and his smiles are teasing. Alex steals Kevin’s hoodie out of his locker and gives him such a sickeningly cute grin from behind the collar that Kevin can’t even be upset.
They go back to Alex’s apartment, a huge two-room with a massive, overstuffed couch and a plush king-sized bed because Alex likes to stretch out. It was a late practice and they don’t have a game until tomorrow so Alex makes them pasta for dinner and sings under his breath in French as Kevin sits on the counter.
“Come here,” Kevin calls softly, pulling Alex in between his legs. “I have to kiss you.”
Alex turns pink but he closes his eyes and Kevin nearly dies from how beautiful he is. His lips are soft and warm and they part easily for Kevin’s tongue. Alex whimpers in surprise when Kevin reaches to stick his hand in his back pocket, but he presses closer and his hands settle on Kevin’s shoulders. They kiss until the pot of water starts to boil over and Alex almost burns himself pouring out the pasta. They eat on the counter because Alex still needs a kitchen table and chairs and Kevin gets sauce on his shirt.
“Do you want to borrow a t-shirt?” Alex asks, leading him back to the bedroom.
“Sure,” he says, looking out the huge window at the city below. “This is a great place, Alex.”
Alex kind of shrugs, mouth crooked as he hands Kevin a grey t-shirt. “It’s so big and I often get lonely.”
It hurts Kevin to hear that and he sets the shirt on the bed. He pulls Alex close, holds him by the hips. “I don’t like hearing that you’re lonely. I could stay over some nights, if you’d like?”
Alex smiles so brightly and nods, kisses Kevin quickly. “Yes, I’d like that.”
Kevin grins and kisses Alex on the cheek. He pulls his shirt up over his head and is shaking out the new one when he realizes how quiet Alex got. He looks up to find Alex, pupils blown wide and lips parted, watching him closely.
“Maybe I can change my shirt later,” Kevin says, doesn’t know what else to say, because all he wants to do is get Alex up on that huge bed.
Alex just nods and he shivers when his eyes travel down Kevin’s chest. Kevin goes for it, pushes Alex carefully back toward the bed and he gets the idea, crawls up to sit in the middle. Kevin follows eagerly, climbs over Alex until he’s forced to lie back and Kevin thinks he’s about to have an aneurism from how gorgeous Alex looks spread out on his white comforter. He puts one hand on Alex’s hip, leans down to kiss him so gently that Alex whines for more.
“Please, please,” he whimpers, holds the back of Kevin’s neck to guide him down.
Kevin licks into Alex’s mouth, moans at the warm wetness and the lingering taste of sugar from his soda. It takes merely minutes for Alex to arch and shift and Kevin falls apart when he feels how hard Alex is against his hip.
“Oh my God, Alex,” Kevin gasps into Alex’s mouth, his skin prickling with heat and desire.
Alex’s eyes are wide and dark and Kevin drowns in the lust he finds there. He licks his lips as he watches Kevin, eyes flickering like he’s searching for something.
“I don’t deserve you,” Kevin groans, slips his hand underneath Alex’s t-shirt to feel how warm his skin is, “but, God, I want you so bad.”
Alex had looked concerned for a moment before he relaxes and smiles brilliantly up at Kevin. He reaches to take Kevin’s hand, puts it low on his hip to just barely brush his erection, and his cheeks darken.
“Then have me,” he says and Kevin growls.
They fumble out of their clothes and Alex looks so scared at first. He curls his fingers into the comforter and Kevin gets it.
“Let’s get under the covers,” he suggests and Alex melts into a beautiful mess of pliable French-Canadian that has Kevin whimpering.
Under the sheets is even better than on the comforter because the sheets are a dark, dark grey and Alex’s pale skin stands out so starkly that Kevin feels himself get impossibly harder at the sight. Alex looks so at ease and he moves so surely now that he feels safe and secure and protected. Kevin wants to give him that for the rest of forever.
“Where is—”
“Top drawer,” Alex answers immediately, gives Kevin a coy smile.
Kevin retrieves the condom and lubricant and settles back in between Alex’s legs, goes back to kissing him with every fiber of his being. Alex makes the sweetest noises and Kevin can’t wait to hear him when they’re finally making love.
“Are you more comfortable on your back or stomach?” Kevin asks, rubbing his hands up and down Alex’s strong thighs.
Alex shivers and whimpers, tilts his knees inward. “On my back.”
“Good,” Kevin purrs, “Because I want to see your beautiful face.”
Alex smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes and Kevin doesn’t let it slide.
“What’s the matter, Alex? Talk to me.”
“Just nervous,” he says, tucks his head against his shoulder and doesn’t meet Kevin’s eyes.
Kevin massages Alex’s hips, continues up to his waist and then back down again. “Have you done this before?”
Alex nods tentatively, but looks away. “Not with a man.”
“We don’t have to do this just yet. I can wait as long as you need if you don’t feel ready.” Kevin doesn’t think about having to stop right here when Alex is so warm and gorgeous and his.
“I want to. I’ve wanted to for a while, but only with you. I want you.” Alex reaches to touch Kevin’s jaw and Kevin sees the arousal creep back into his eyes.
“I’ll be gentle. I would never hurt you on purpose, but if you’re uncomfortable or you don’t like something, don’t be afraid to tell me. I won’t be upset, I promise. I want you to enjoy this.”
Alex smiles and this time it’s bright and eager and he wraps his legs around Kevin’s waist. Kevin shudders and nearly comes right then.
“God, you drive me insane just by laying here. I can’t believe you’re mine.” He rocks his hips carefully against Alex’s, enjoys the surprised little gasp it elicits.
Kevin leans away to slick up his fingers and Alex’s legs fall away, leaving him bared, and Kevin is proud that he doesn’t shy away. As Alex watches Kevin, his breath catches in his throat and he flexes his hips.
“It might be a little cold, but it’ll warm up,” Kevin warns, covers Alex’s body with his own. He kisses Alex’s ear and whispers a husky, “Spread your legs.”
Alex whimpers and wraps his legs back around Kevin’s hips. He holds tight to Kevin’s shoulders and chews on his lip. He makes a little surprised noise when Kevin presses gently but he relaxes and doesn’t tense when Kevin’s finger slips inside.
“It’s not so bad.” Kevin nuzzles against Alex’s cheek, kisses just below his eye. Alex smiles at him.
By the time Kevin has three fingers in him, Alex is writhing and has his leg practically thrown over Kevin’s shoulder. His moans are downright obscene and he begs Kevin to find his prostate again. Kevin just laughs under his breath because he didn’t know Alex would love it this much.
“Let me give you something even better, hmm?” Kevin says, kissing Alex on the cheek.
Alex whines petulantly when Kevin takes his fingers away, but he makes a happy little sound when Kevin rolls on the condom.
“So eager,” Kevin teases, slicking himself up. “I love it.”
Kevin eases carefully into Alex, so so afraid of hurting him. He holds one of Alex’s legs back for a moment to be sure and then finally settles inside him.
“Are you comfortable?” He asks, stroking Alex’s hair off his forehead and fixing the pillow under his head.
Alex turns pink and smiles. “Yes, I’m comfortable. No pain.”
“Good,” Kevin sighs, smiles like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. “Am I okay to move?”
“Yes, yes please.” Alex practically wriggles and Kevin has to laugh and kiss him for how perfect he is.
At first, Alex grimaces and he doesn’t breathe for a few seconds, but then Kevin brushes against his prostate and Alex falls to pieces in his arms. Their coupling is gentle and slow and full of whispered endearments and Alex comes with Kevin’s name on his lips. He’s so upset when he realizes Kevin hasn’t come.
“It’s alright, baby, it happens sometimes.” Kevin pulls out and apologizes when Alex gives a pitiful moan. “Do you want to help me?”
Alex nods and he’s still shaking as he rolls the condom off Kevin’s erection. Kevin’s hips jump forward when Alex wraps his hand around him, stroking him slowly.
“Oh, Alex, Alex,” Kevin babbles, holding Alex close and tight. He cries out in surprise when Alex rubs his thumb across the head and says, “Oh…that again, Alex, yes please.”
He comes with only a few more strokes and a choked moan of Alex’s name. Alex looks tired and his belly is covered in come and his hair is sticking up in every direction. Kevin thinks he looks absolutely precious.
“Let’s take a shower, sweetheart, before you fall asleep. Come on.” Kevin coaxes him out of bed and Alex makes a face as he moves.
After their shower, where Kevin did much of the washing because Alex was beginning to feel the repercussions but there was also a lot of kissing, Alex pulls on a t-shirt and crawls into bed.
“Hey, where do you keep your Advil?” Kevin asks, smoothing Alex’s hair.
“Under the sink,” Alex answers on a yawn.
Kevin makes Alex sit up and take two Advil before he can lie back down. He steals a pair of Alex’s boxers and puts on the t-shirt that really started this whole thing and climbs in beside Alex.
“Go to sleep, baby. I’ll be right here,” Kevin soothes, and he almost dies when Alex cuddles up against his chest.
Kevin sleeps better than he ever has that night and he wakes when Alex is rolling away to sit on the side of the bed.
“Something wrong?” Kevin asks, reaches out to brush his fingertips down Alex’s spine.
“No, jus’ thirsty,” Alex mumbles, and slides out of bed.
Kevin can’t take his eyes off Alex and the way his t-shirt just brushes the curve of his backside as he walks. He feels himself valiantly attempt to get hard again, but knows it’s still too early for anything. When Alex returns with a glass of water, he’s walking more stiffly and looks uncomfortable.
“Do you have any sharp pains or is it just kind of dull?” Kevin sits up a little in bed and Alex snuggles up to him.
“Dull,” Alex answers, tucks his head so it rests above Kevin’s heart.
“Good, that’s good. If you have any sharp pain, tell me as soon as possible. I don’t want you to be hurt.” Kevin cards his fingers through Alex’s hair, massages his scalp until Alex purrs against his throat.
They sleep for a few more hours but Alex is still hurting when they get up to eat. Kevin feels his heart break whenever Alex tenses and tries to breathe through a wave of pain, gets more and more worried as the day goes on. Alex curls up on the couch around a pillow from the bed after taking something for the pain and Kevin wants to die for how he hurt his Alex.
“Alex, baby, is there anything I can do for you?” Kevin asks, sinking down on the floor beside the sofa.
Alex shakes his head, looks so frail and little that Kevin just wants to hide him away from the world.
“I don’t think I can play tonight,” Alex whimpers, tucks his face against his pillow.
“I’ll call Coach and tell him you pulled a muscle or something. Don’t worry,” Kevin soothes him, letting his fingers brush over Alex’s forearm. He rests his head on the cushion beside Alex’s and sighs. “You’re so beautiful.”
Alex turns pink and hides his face in the pillow. Kevin laughs and strokes Alex’s hair, fingers trailing down behind his ear.
“I know you don’t feel well, angel, but I just want to be sure you’re alright. I want to be sure I didn’t hurt you—emotionally.” Kevin curls his fingers between Alex’s hand and the pillow, rubs his thumb over the back of his hand.
Alex peeks out at him, mouth crooked and eyes wide. “I’m alright. Last night was amazing and I’m not upset. I’m not hurt.”
“I just didn’t want to make you feel like we were moving too fast. I want to have nights like that a lot more often,” Kevin says, and Alex smiles eagerly.
“Me too.” He looks so sweet and timid and Kevin has to lean up and kiss him.
“You drive me wild, Alex, I just can’t explain what you do to me,” Kevin murmurs as he crawls up over Alex, but he’s careful not to shift Alex too quickly.
Alex turns carefully onto his back and stretches out underneath Kevin. He relaxes, so at ease on his couch with Kevin resting over him, teasing him with quick little kisses. They kiss lazily, never too forceful or hurried, always soft and exploratory. Kevin leaves open-mouthed kisses down Alex’s neck, finds a soft spot on his neck and sucks gently. Alex makes the best noises for him, holds onto his t-shirt and trembles.
“O-oh, Kevin, Kevin,” Alex’s voice is breathy and weak and he finally dissolves into gasped French.
Kevin keeps at it, sucking harder and harder still, until he knows there will be a bruise when he pulls away. He soothes the mark with his tongue, kisses it and kisses the skin around it as Alex is calming. When Kevin pulls back, leaving one last kiss to the bump of Alex’s collar bone, Alex has his face turned into his pillow, cheeks red and eyes closed tight.
“Alex, what is it? Did I hurt you? Is something wrong?” Kevin tries to turn Alex’s face toward him, but he whimpers and fights him. “Alex,” his tone is frantic and he feels his heart pick up double time. “Alex, you have to look at me.”
“I’m not hurt,” Alex says and his voice is soft. It only comforts Kevin fractionally.
“Then what’s the matter?” Kevin is relieved when Alex meets his eyes, but there’s shame in his gaze and his cheeks are dark with blood.
Alex chews on his lower lip, shifts a little uncomfortably. He moves his leg against Kevin’s and Kevin glances down. He laughs, actually laughs in Alex’s face, and he feels terrible but really.
“Oh, honey, it’s alright. It happens, and I am not upset. That’s a compliment actually, if you come just from me kissing you.” Kevin kisses Alex on the forehead, cups his cheeks in his palm. “Let’s go change and I’ll make you lunch.”
Alex is still embarrassed as they eat, but Kevin finds it increasingly adorable.
“Come here, angel baby,” Kevin downright coos, pulls Alex onto his lap. He kisses Alex on the cheek, temple, forehead, and the tip of his nose. “Don’t be so worried. I’m not upset and I actually really loved it. God, that was so hot.”
Alex laughs a little and hides his face in Kevin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“No, no, no, sweetheart, don’t be sorry and don’t be upset. It’s perfectly normal,” Kevin soothes, kissing Alex on forehead.
“Why do you call me by so many—euh—pet names?” Alex asks, but he sounds more curious than upset.
Kevin feels his face heat up and scrunches his nose up. “I don’t know. I can stop if—”
“No, no!” Alex says, leans up to see Kevin. “I like it, I do. I promise. Don’t stop.”
“Okay, I won’t,” Kevin laughs, kissing Alex on the temple.
They laze around on the sofa, kissing and watching movies and dozing, wrapped around each other. Kevin never leaves for the game, and Alex sits up immediately when he realizes the time.
“Kevin, Kevin, you’ll be late for warm-up.” Alex kicks Kevin under the blanket and he groans.
“I already called Coach. Begged off to take care of you,” Kevin mumbles, shifting around and settling again. “Come back.”
Alex lies back down in Kevin’s arms, snuggles up to his chest. “You wanted to stay and take care of me?”
“Mmmm, yeah. Didn’t want you to be alone,” Kevin says, soft like he’s near sleep again. “Love you.”
Alex is momentarily taken by surprise but Kevin is already asleep so he tucks himself impossibly closer to Kevin and allows himself to enjoy the moment.
…
“Do you remember the day after we first slept together? When you stayed over because I was so sore?”
Kevin has a mouthful of chicken and rice and he’s so so hungry but Alex looks timid and he hates that. He nods as he chews his food and Alex continues.
“When we were laying down for a nap, you said that you stayed because you loved me.” Alex pokes at his plate, but he’s smiling a little. “I never told you because I thought you would deny it.”
For the six months they’d been together, Alex had been the first to say I love you. It happened at a team-building amusement park trip and Kevin realized how scared Alex was of the roller coaster. He offered to sit outside the entrance with him and Alex hugged and kissed him and said oh thank you, I love you because Kevin cared and he was protecting him.
Kevin feels his cheeks turn red and he swallows. “I remembered saying it afterward, but I didn’t want to freak you out by saying it again so I never brought it up. It’s not a big deal because now I tell you that I love you seven thousand times a day because that’s how many times I think it.”
Alex giggles and Kevin melts on the inside, falls in love all over again.
I could go on and on about how much I love widdlekes's drawings for days. The details are stunning (like the fact that Kevin's wearing the workout shirt he has on in every single pic of him, and his ear, and kes's abs, oh my goddd perf) and she's also exceptionally talented with body language in her drawings! Also, this is like, the most perfect drawing in all of existence because KES AND KEVIN, and they're so cute I can't handle it.
I love this so much I can't even handle it, oh my god. It's Tuukka! It's an intense character study of Tuukka and I love the characterisation of him. This is heartbreaking and wonderful and the ending is amazing. I'm not gonna spoil it but oh man, the last part gives him this entire new dimension of complexity and this is a brilliant piece.
So I would probably sell my soul to get a continuation of this fic. It's futuristic and fascinating and nkurth31 is very good at AU's and finding where the players would fit into these alternative settings. I especially love how well-done Alex is in this - it's a short fic, but you get him and it feels like there's been pages and pages' worth of character development!
Also I REALLY need there to be more of this.
Fic below!
Shades of Human
They told the parents that their children would bring peace to the world, that they would end the wars, and they would be given the best medical care possible. Mother’s lined up with babies clutched tightly in their arms waiting to be seen by the doctors. Mrs. X held her son wrapped in a hand me down blanket from her older children he was the youngest, the last, the one they couldn’t afford to keep. The doctor agreed the boy was healthy, that day his birth certificate was burned and on that day Ryan ceased to exist.
Doctors walked around the darkened nursery looking over the 60 babies that lay sleeping in bassinets. They knew that these would not be peace keepers, they would be super soldiers a tool to strike fear into the enemy. Innocent babies, 30 boys and 30 girls, that would never lead a normal life, 60 babies that would never grow into children but into killing machines.
Three years later the same doctors look on sadly as something they thought was foolproof science killed off child after child. It was such a simple plan, inject the stem cells of animals into young moldable humans, the DNA should have spliced and combined making a hybrid. They all did well in the first trial but the further they tried to push the more would die. Only the strongest had survived to this point 60 healthy strong babies had been cut down to 20 empty shells of humans, ragged and unfeeling. Some died instantly after the treatment, others were left deformed to die a slow death stuck between the phasing process half human half animal.
***************************************
Alex knew the story well but it still broke his heart, all of the members of the Breed Rescue and Rehabilitation Team knew about the secret government testing. When documents had been leaked the public demanded that these operations be shut down. When the first breeds had been found public support for this project plummeted, they were unpredictable, strong, fearful, and dangerous. He knew the dangers but he also wanted to help and as soon as he graduated he applied as psychological evaluator with the rescue.
Today was his first day on the job and they told him they had recently found an illegal government base that was housing a breed. This breed would be his client today and he hoped the rumors that they could smell fear were false. He walked into the interview room and was shocked by the man in front of him. He was tall and lean his body gave off an aura of power not that you could tell from the way he was cowering in the corner. Feral brown eyes glowed under his mop of unruly brown hair, those eyes followed Alex’s every move tracking him like prey. He passed by the table and sat on the floor five feet from the man, he had no idea it would be this bad.
“Hi, I’m Alex, I’m just here to talk to you” he said smiling hoping he didn’t seem threatening. The man made no sign to recognize Alex had spoken, so he tried again “could you tell me your name?” he asked.
The gruff laugh that comes from the man startles Alex and when he speaks his voice is gravely from underuse “we don’t have names, names are for humans, I’m number 17.” Alex can’t help but let out a sad sigh, this had been someone’s child he had once had a name now he was just a number. They have been trying to find the records but they have had no luck so far.
“Would you like a name?” Alex asks trying to break the ice with him.
Something blazes deep in the man’s amber eyes “NAMES ARE FOR HUMANS, I AM NUMBER 17.” The silence that falls on the room makes both men uncomfortable. Suddenly Alex watches as his back arches and fur covers the man’s body if he would have blinked he would have missed it. Where a man was once cowering a wolf now crouches and it’s very clear from the growl coming from him that their session is over for the day.
When Alex walks out the head psychiatrist gives him a smile “that was a very good first attempt, he attacked the first person we sent in there.” Alex can’t help but shudder and remember that feral gleam in his eyes, but under that Alex knew there was a man. That night he tosses and turns in his small room thinking of a way to help him when finally it hits him and he falls asleep ready to face tomorrows session.
He walks in to the interview room the next day and sits on the floor again, and notices with a smile that the man isn’t cowering today but still stays far away from him.
“So they told me you have read quiet an extensive amount of books” Alex says and the man only grunts. “So I was thinking that you should have the chance to name yourself because the next chapters of your life are yours to write.” Now that he’s said it the idea sounds stupid but he looks up and sees that the man is looking at him with interest. “I brought a list of names if you want to look at it?” Alex says holding the book out towards him. He slightly flinches when he reaches out and grabs it and instantly regrets it because he sees the hurt flash across his eyes. He phases back into a wolf not long after that and Alex leaves feeling defeated.
That night Alex wakes to the sound of sirens going off it’s a code 4 which means one of the breeds has escaped their rooms. Alex panics wondering if he should be scared they’ve told him over and over again that these breeds are dangerous, but the man he works with doesn’t seem like a killer. Suddenly he hears glass shattering from his kitchen and he freezes in fear as he slowly moves towards his door to lock it. The door is knocked down and an unfamiliar man is standing there breathing heavily. Alex can feel his heart pounding and knows the breed can no doubt hear it, as he takes a step closer. There isn’t a feral glow in this one’s eyes it’s a deadly glint and then he jumps. Alex is aware of the pain searing over his back as they crash through his window and land on the ground outside. The man is phasing into a bear and the weight is crushing Alex when he hears a loud roar and his final thought is great there’s another one.
He wakes up in a hospital with a pounding headache and a confused feeling because he isn’t dead. The nurse comes in and smiles when she sees he’s awake and leaves to find a doctor. The first thing he asks the doctor is what happened. The story he hears next shocks him, after he had been pushed through the window by breed 15 another breed that had gotten loose had come to his rescue, it was breed 17. He had stitches in his back and a few cracked ribs but he could be released that day. He was happy to be able to walk out of the medical building and back into the compound. The sun was shining and Alex couldn’t help but enjoy the warmth of it on his face.
He returned to his house to find that repairs were still being done so he decided that he should go visit 17 and see if he was alright, he had after all saved his life. He knocked lightly on the frame of the door and felt a strange rush when 17’s eyes meet his and a hesitant smile breaks across the tired man’s face. What comes next really shocks Alex.
“I chose a name” the man says looking down at his hands. Alex feels himself smile as he sits down in a chair next to the hospital bed. “My name is Ryan” he says smiling up at Alex, he can’t help but to feel his heart flutter.
Their sessions are postponed while Ryan is in the hospital but Alex visits every day and is surprised how much Ryan is willing to talk about his past. Over the past week he has learned that the notes they found about the project don’t begin to cover what they went through. Late one night when they’re talking Ryan just stops talking and stares out into the darkness outside the window.
“Ryan?” Alex asks grabbing his hand trying to bring him out of his flashback he’s been having them more and more.
“I killed him,” Ryan says his voice devoid of emotion as he stares at the rain running down the window.
“You killed who Ryan?” Alex asks his voice trembling.
“He wouldn’t kill the rabbit so they told me I had to kill him…… so…….so I did.” Ryan says and its then Alex notices the tears running down Ryan’s face.
He runs his thumb over Ryan’s cheek bone brushing the tears away, and cups his face and murmurs, “your past doesn’t define you”.
Ryan looks at him his eyes pools of sadness “it just proves that what they say is true. We aren’t human we’re monsters”. Alex can’t take this can’t take Ryan calling himself a monster he yanks Ryan’s head until he’s looking him dead in the eye.
“You are not a monster. A monster would have let me die. A monster would have killed me as soon as I walked in the room. You are human more human than anyone that thinks they have the right to call others monsters.” Then he leans forward and kisses Ryan. What he never expected was for Ryan to kiss him back, one of his hands cupping Alex’s cheek the other tangling in his dark hair trying to pull him closer.
When they break apart Alex is breathless staring at Ryan watching the blush creep across his face. Then the nurse walked in and says
“17…… I mean Ryan, you’re cleared to go back to your room, once we find someone to escort you.” Alex quickly volunteers and shudders as they handcuff Ryan and hand him a strange rope that’s attached to the cuffs. Next they hand him the keys and they leave with Ryan leading the way to his room.
Camshaft22 wrote fic about my fic! That is fic INCEPTION. I love it and it's amazing and she made very minor characters (well, not minor, but they were babies, so they weren't exactly doing much) into very complex main characters! And they're just so well-done, you can tell they're the same people, because it's so incredibly consistent with how they acted as little kids.
(also, I feel famous, because fic about my fic! That means I have a fandom! There is an icehot13 fandom oh my God I'm so happy)
Fic below!
Chelsea Toews glanced down at the ice as she prepared for the faceoff. She watched as the ref dropped it and was on the puck, stealing the puck as she passed it back towards Maddy. She skated forward, keeping her mind on the game.
Chelsea had her Daddy’s hands and her Dad’s focus, making her a great hockey player and one of the young leaders on and off the ice. She moved, dashing between the Defense and looked over to Maddy. “Pass the fucking puck!” she shouted as Maddy shook her head no. Chelsea moved, getting into position and screened the goalie. Maddy shot the puck and Chelsea grinned, hearing the buzzer go off. She skated over and grabbed Maddy in her arms. “You’re terrible!”
“Fuck you, I’m the best!” Maddy Sharp yelled back at her. Chelsea laughed, breaking away as they lined up, having won the game.
***
Chelsea came out of the arena, feeling the cool Chicago air on her legs as she walked towards her SUV. Maddy was long gone, but Chelsea stayed behind to shower then look at footage for a bit. She unlocked the door and started the car, glancing back to see a shape slumped over in her backseat. She slammed the breaks and whirled around. “Get the fuck out of my car!” Chelsea yelled as Aubrey jumped up and looked around.
“What?!” Aubrey asked, looking mussed.
“Aubrey?! What the fuck?” Chelsea asked. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Got tired,” Aubrey said, yawning and climbing into the front seat. “Are you going out?”
“We won,” Chelsea told her.
“So, yes. Let’s rally,” Aubrey ordered.
Chelsea frowned and resigned herself to babysitting tonight. “I thought you were in LA, promoting?”
“That’s next week. I came out and supported the Hawks tonight. Then you took forever and I was tireddddd,” Aubrey whined.
Chelsea gave her an unimpressed look.
“Oh. My. GOD. It’s the second coming of Captain Serious!” Aubrey exclaimed.
“Ugh, fuck you so very much.”
Aubrey laughed as Chelsea pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the bar.
***
Maddy was smirking. Chelsea hated it when she smirked.
“Aubrey is dancing on the bar.”
“What?!”
“You should look into getting a leash for that girl,” Maddy suggested, very unhelpfully. Chelsea shot her a glare and went to go fix this mess. Maddy might be ‘Chicago’s favorite Daughter’ but sometimes she drove Chelsea insane.
***
After getting Aubrey off the bar and into a cab, Chelsea put her to bed, hoping like hell that no one alerted the gossip rags. As popular as Aubrey was, it was impossible for it not to be, but Chelsea still had hope. Her phone pinged then again and again until she felt her stomach drop, knowing that it had to be people who had seen it. The first text was a link with Deadspin, identifying her as Aubrey’s keeper and an article pointing out them leaving together. Like they frequently did. Chelsea frowned deeper, knowing what they were insinuating but knowing that Aubrey wasn’t… She didn’t like Chelsea like that. Which hurt, but it’s not like she could force Aubrey to like her the same way.
No. Instead, Chelsea just took care of Aubrey as she made a disaster out of her life.
When Aubrey had given up hockey for her singing career, Chelsea had wanted to shake her so much. Now she had gotten involved. There were other articles and they all carried the insinuation that they were together and that Aubrey was acting out. Which, no. What the hell? Her phone lit up with her Daddy’s face as she winced, knowing this would be fun.
“Hi, Daddy,” Chelsea said. “Why are you awake?”
“I wasn’t asleep and then I got sent links to an article… I take it you’re being bombarded?” he asked, sounding slightly amused.
“A little bit. Is Dad awake for this too?” Chelsea asked, already seeing his disappointed face.
“No, Jon is still asleep on the couch. I should probably wake him up but he seems to have decided to dig in for the long haul. His team is on a winning streak.”
“That’s good to hear,” Chelsea told him with a smile. They were in North Dakota, her Dad having taken over the head coaching job last year for their Hockey team. They still had the house in Winnipeg and the house in Chicago, but no one was living in either at the moment. “Is he face down?”
“Yeah,” her Daddy laughed softly. “Reminds me of Q, back in the day.”
Chelsea felt a little better, hearing him reminisce a little. “At least it’s not me, getting in trouble,” she teased.
“You are your Father’s Daughter. You took after him the most. We’re just lucky you got my talented hands. Anyway, don’t let it get to you. This used to happen to me a little too often for my tastes. They’ll move on before too long. Aubrey is popular on the radio so it’s going to make the press but nothing happened so they’ll get bored. It’ll be alright, Chels.”
“Thanks, Daddy,” Chelsea told him.
“No problem, Kiddo. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
***
Aubrey woke up, feeling slightly buzzed still and alone. Well, she hadn’t hooked up from the look of things. She rose and stumbled towards the shower, getting washed and dressed then went to the living room, hoping it had been Maddy or Chel that took her home and not some weird fan who was going to make her live out some strange fantasy.
“Morning,” Chelsea mumbled as she passed, heading to the kitchen towards the state of the art coffee maker. Aubrey tilted her head, taking in the muscular legs and the fantastic hockey ass that Chelsea had. She breathed a slight sigh of relief, knowing that she wasn’t some prisoner and wasn’t at Maddy’s place.
“Good morning, Sunshine,” Aubrey told Chelsea cheerfully. She was a morning person and Chelsea… Chelsea was not, even with her propensity to wake up early.
Chelsea growled and started cooking her breakfast.
“What’s on your agenda today, Princess?” Aubrey asked.
Chelsea glared, her dark blue eyes filled with a familiar annoyance at the nickname. “Afternoon practice. Maybe watching some film later,” she outlined. “I want to see why the second period went to shit like it did.”
“Chellllllllll,”Aubrey whined.
“What?” Chelsea asked.
“Entertain meeeee,” Aubrey demanded.
Chelsea did a little dance. “There. You are entertained. What do you want to do with your day? Other than talk to your agent and maybe do some damage control?”
“What?”
“Damage control. You ended up on Deadspin and all the gossip sites. We’re lovers apparently but I don’t let you party enough so you act out.”
Aubrey looked at her. Chelsea started to flush under her scrutiny. Aubrey considered her for a moment and smiled. “Well… that depends.”
“Depends?” Chelsea asked as Aubrey came closer, the bacon sizzling to her side on the stove.
“On how much you want to be my lover, I suppose,” Aubrey replied, reaching out and touching Chelsea’s hips. She leaned forward, capturing Chelsea’s lips with a kiss.
Chelsea kissed back with gusto, pulling Aubrey closer as the bacon burned. It wasn’t until the smoke alarm went off that they pulled apart and Chelsea started to swear.
Aubrey laughed and didn’t get in Chelsea’s way as she dealt with the now burnt pan and the charred remains of her bacon. After it had been cleaned up and frozen waffles toasted, Aubrey raised an eyebrow to Chelsea, knowing the younger woman was brimming with questions.
“Aubrey… I… What are you doing? Is this a hookup thing?” Chelsea asked.
“I don’t want it to be. You’re… Chel, you’re it. You’re the one. I’ve been around, right? And I know that you’re it. The one.”
Chelsea leaned forward and kissed her again. “I’ve loved you since senior year.”
Aubrey hugged her close. “I still have to go to LA soon.”
“I have a roadtrip,” Chelsea told her. “West coast, starting with Vancouver.”
“Say hi to Kesler,” Aubrey said.
“I will. With a check against the boards,” Chelsea said with a fierce look. She held Aubrey’s hand on the table.
“You being jealous is cute, Chel.”
Chelsea rolled her eyes and kissed her hand again. “I got you now.”
“You do indeed,” Aubrey agreed. “Look… It’s probably going to take a lot of work to keep this thing going, I know myself alright? But I want to do it.”
“Me too,” Chelsea said seriously. “I think… We’ve always been better together.”
Aubrey kissed her again. “This is going to be awesome.”
This is spock7411 and derpydrewdoughty's submission!
They did a continuation of the soap opera they were submitting a little while ago! (It can be found here) This is the exceptionally heartbreaking story of Jeff and Mike and how they need to stay together or I'm going to commit murder. Spock7411 and derpydrewdoughty are this criminal mastermind team of heartbreak, because somehow they made a capslock soap opera into an extremely heartbreaking lovestory that I REALLY need more of. (And they also threw in a gif with lipread-captions that is the most perfect thing I've seen in my life).
Fic below!
An 800 Mile Radius
The first time Jeff & Mike fuck is November 13, 2010. The first time they kiss is August 15, 2013. This is pretty much what happens in the interim.
The morning of November 14th, 2010 should have been the greatest morning of Jeff’s life. He had just signed a contract allowing him to stay in Philly pretty much the rest of his career for a sizeable amount of money (not what he was worth, according to Mike, but enough, and it meant he would be where Mike was for the foreseeable future). He and Mike had finally acted on the feelings they’d been tiptoeing around practically since they met, resulting in not spectacular, but still pretty good sex. Most of it was a little fuzzy, what with the absurd amount of alcohol he had consumed in celebration of the new contract, but he was pretty sure it was at least so-so. He was absolutely certain it wasn’t the worst sex of his life.
