Progress
One option has been eliminated.
I tried to phone some of my friends. I made two calls and both of my friends did not pick up my call. After smoking two cigarettes while failing to have decent and long awaited call with them, I came back to home rubbing my icy hands from coldness. Abruptly, I just felt like checking the status of my application; I checked it. One option is, then, eliminated. FUCK.
Whenever I think of getting rejection letter or checking rejection status on websites, I think the wooden floor of my room back in Hong Kong. Maybe i was there when i got the rejection notice for the first time in my life, not exactly for the first time. Yet, it was my first rejection from the group where I would desperately want to get some position. I vividly remember the whole scene of that day. It was around midnight; my roommate just got back from his shower and he was drying his hair with a towel. I checked the website and I shouted FUCK. My sweet roommate gave me some sweet words which were useless to heal my wounded heart. And then, I heard the crack from the wooden floor. I had never hated the crack sound before the very moment when I saw the rejection status. I am not saying the whole scene remains as trauma to me but it is one of horrid scenes of my life.
Afterwards, the rejections became a common passage of my life as if I had to go through those painful--i am not sure whether it is really painful or i just pretend to feel the pain from it--incidents doomed by my destiny. Yet, i can clearly say getting the rejection is obviously lowering my self-esteem which has not been stationed in the high altitude. It is same this time even though i never expect i would work for that kind of company in 5 years before i submit the application. Moreover, i thought i did a quite good job compared to other disabled--well, there was a literally disabled candidate in my team. Anyway, i lost one of my options. I am waiting for other two options. Hopefully, I would get them both. Am I being fucking greedy at the moment? But, I really need both of them, at least for my self-esteem lowered by this thing.
QLC level gets one more point. Maybe all my life consists of cracking crisis. Well, i do not want to say that proposition again. Then, prove this. FUCK.