A little something I've been working on.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years. What are they really? When do these things start having meaning in your life. When are you able to cherish these moments? Being alone in the world is rough. As someone who has been there for almost four years of their life I can honestly tell you that it is the most alone I have ever felt. As the years have gone by I've noticed increasing signs of depression creep up inside of me. Day by day I keep my head up and try to make the best of it. I have wonderful friends who love me for who I am. They don't all know what goes through my head and I don't know that telling them is the best idea. I like to keep my self contained and work issues out my self but there are three individuals that I trust enough to talk to about these issues. Now typically the people you would think I would address these issues with would be males but they are in fact females. For safety and privacy sake I won't mention names but these ladies are the most amazing people I've ever brought into my life. Two are new to me but one is a very dear friend I've know for a very long time. It's amazing the people you meet. You never know what the outcome of a new friendship will be but you hope for the best. Well I got three of the best women anyone could ever ask for. It's Christmas time and as usual the holidays make me feel more alone than any other time of the year. There are nights where I think that crying my self to sleep would be the best option. Then I think about it, and realize that's not me. I'm better than that. People always tell me I'll find someone special and that it's hard to believe that someone hasn't scopped me up because I'm amazing (I beg to differ). I'm fat, balding, lazy, nerdy, sarcastic, forgetful amongst other things. But I'm also what I consider to be a gentleman. I put the feelings of others before mine because it gives me a certain sense of satisfaction from making others happy. Christmas may be one of the saddest times of the year for me but it's also one of the proudest for me. I always go big for people on Christmas. The three ladies I mentioned above I gave items well over $500 in total (remember two of them I've just recently met). One was a gift to a favorite store and an item that was needed, one was a scale model of something close to their heart, and the last one was a personal item given to the one closest to me. She didn't want it but understood that I wasn't going to let her not take it. The look on each of their faces was priceless and made my heart melt with joy. That is what I live for. That is what I strive for. That is what I want to do for someone every day of their life. I would kill to have that opportunity. After writing all of this I realize how good I have it even if I haven't been in a relationship for so long. I have some of the best friends I could ever ask for. And I love them all. I wish I could share all of this with them but it's too soon and to be honest I have a crush on two of them. But alas they are in relationships that are not easily broken nor do I medel in others relationships. Good things come to those who wait. And I hope that holds true. I will add to this as more comes to me. All of this was written off the top of my head so I apologize for any misspelling or incorrect grammar.