Carolkyle is like. Not even good taste, bad execution, it was just Bad, but it still makes me crazy. Carol and Hal love each other so much it literally made Carol an avatar of love, and every time they try to be together it is always, always the most miserable godawful experience of their lives. Here is her, trying to move on, except she's moving on with the worst person imaginable just to get a rise out of Hal, because if she tried it with Guy or John, Hal could just get mad at them, but Kyle was instrumental in saving Hal from himself. One of Hal's core beliefs about Kyle is that Kyle is a better person than him, so of course Carol would choose Kyle, Hal would choose him too. And Carol needs someone to love in order to keep being star sapphire. She literally told this to kyle. She's like "idk if I actually love you but I need to be in love to use my ring" and Kyle was just like <3 okay! Like it's so. It's So.
It's like. What if I love you just to force myself to move on because I can't stay in this rut. What if I love you just to hurt the one I love the most, who's forever out of my reach. What if we both had our lives irrevocably changed by the same man, and just thinking of him hurts but I can't let go so I'll love someone else in a way that looks like moving on but it's still centred around him. There's a third person in our relationship. I'm comparing you to him. You're comparing yourself to him. You're comparing me to him. I'm too selfish to let him go but he's left me too many times for me to make him stay.
Like the sheer levels of misery and awful coping mechanisms here are incredible. Carol's like "I am using you" and Kyle's like "my life is such a trash fire I am one lit match away from combusting, please use me and distract me from the ordeal of obtaining godhood for the second time in my life, dear god [who is me] [again] [I simultaneously want the validation of being given power but I crumple under the responsibility that comes with it because I know I'm not worthy] [I'm not good enough. I want to be good enough. I want to deserve this but I don't. Isn't it the same with love? I keep reaching for fulfilment but it always goes wrong. Something always happens and it's always my fault, because I'm not enough, I'm still not enough yet. Why am I here. Why do I have this mantle. I reach for power because I want to prove that I'm worthy and I can keep the people I love close to me but I'm not. I can't. It always slips through my fingers but I still keep trying because what else can I do? I can't give up or it'll all be for nothing. Every waking moment the yawning void of my misery threatens to swallow me whole and the deaths that have gotten me here weigh on my soul. When I finally die I don't know if I'll be judged worthy. But still I keep trying. I have to believe that one day it'll all be worth it because if I don't I'll just break and shatter and I won't be able to piece myself back together, not this time] I just want to feel joy about one thing in my life.
