they're both in the wrong. they're both in the right. neither is right. neither is wrong.
The entire damn season has lead to this, from that first fateful day when Mapicc failed to kill a naked princezam. The arrow that symbolized their relationship, Passed from one to the other when they finally resolved their differences with mawn and became teamed, just a team of them two, with their own teams on the side.
The arrow that sat in the prime spot of Mapicc's echest from then on, a constant reminder of Zam's presence. The devotion for each other that can go from being each other's throats shouting "BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH" as one runs away, can become a comforting reminder of their devotion to always be there for each other.
Now hidden away where it doesn't have to be seen.
How the only reason Mapicc tried to kill him that day was because he believed Zam would forgive him and because he was planning on giving the heart back after he got to 20 for his video.
But how that moment provoked Zam to tell Planet to make fun of him in chat for not being able to kill a naked Zam.
How that moment stung. And when Spoke was killed, he killed Zam 3 times, once for Spoke, once for the mocking, and once for trying to stop him from leaving.
The pain of not having Zam being resolved through blood and murder. Repercussions for mockery being given out swiftly and succinctly.
Because Mapicc will always give out repercussions to actions he finds fault in.
But then he drops it just as quickly. He deals out death until your debt is paid. But then it's over.
And this time the debt that was ensued was far greater than simple mockery in chat. It was helping the enemy. And so the retaliation must be bigger.
So he kills him with his fist, blows up the field, kills him again. But that was supposed to be it. But how could that be it when he just did something so devastatingly huge. So of course Zam keeps coming back, keeps talking, keeps trying to understand, and keeps fighting back. So Mapicc kills him again if he's going to attack him. But he says after the fight that he felt empty that it was over. that it was over. The debt had been paid. Now onto mane.
The actions of one teammate will fall upon all teammates. Mapicc is the lifestealer that says that line the most. Said it immediately before killing Woogie for siding with Zam. And told it to Derap after.
But when Zam attacks Hannah for the actions of Mapicc, of how Mapicc used him especially for the creaking trap, suddenly that reality of lifesteal shouldn't count. You should only be going after me for my own actions, not my teammate, he says that day. It makes a new debt, one that must be paid in blood again.
I think Mapicc doesn't believe his own actions should have consequences, because they're not really his own actions, they're repercussions for other's actions. He is vengeance.
So he hunts Zam down again.
But through and before it all, the day he chose to let his wrath be known and he blew up the flower field, Mapicc chose to use Zam for his video. He went in knowing that that was what it was. He said it out loud on stream. And again while telling Bacon about the day when setting up the flower field with tnt. He knew that he used Zam for his own selfish gain.
So he was in the wrong. He deserved a repercussion for that.
But it would hardly be the first time Mapicc has pulls shit like it. The prep days for the Pangi crown battle in s4 will forever rotate in my head. The height of the castle arc, and Mapicc needs pvpers on his side so that he can defeat Pangi and his 3 teammates. It's just him and Parrot who are available. They're going to be crushed in defeat. They need Zam and Subz to help.
So Mapicc strongarms Zam into dropping his beef. The castle arc beef. THAT beef. Says if you just want to kill me, here come to spawn and I'll take my armor off and you can get your kill and then we can team up and your lore will be satisfied. Zam hesitates, but ultimately does it. And I've always loved that scene because it is one of the key moments where we see Zam choosing the functionality of the server over his own personal lore. The same thing he's just gotten into again.
He chose to even out the teams, help Mapicc, so that the fight would be a fair battle. For the good of the server, he killed a naked Mapicc and joined his side. Even though Mapicc was using him for his own content and not caring about Zam's.
And after? Mapicc asked for the lent hearts back. And tried to murder him with Parrot and Ro not minutes later. A perfect case of using Zam for the video, and then throwing him to the side after. And their castle arc beef continues until the final 1v1 where Zam wins.
But Mapicc uses Zam's willingness to help out to get what he needs. So similar to using dupes to get an upper hand in fights he otherwise would loose. So similar to calling in teammates to finish off a 1v1 so he doesn't loose.
When Mapicc faces failure down the barrel of a gun he saves himself.
Call it a massive insecurity for not being good enough. If he fails, he is bad. He cannot fail.
He's in the wrong for that one. But in the right for dolling out repercussions, for fighting against those who would go behind teammate's backs to help enemies. For those who would kill his teammates, protecting those whom he promised himself he would protect. Getting hearts for his teammates so they can stand in this world that will cut you down if you don't cut it down first.
And then there's his jealousy. What was love has turned to possession. Jealousy has rotted the relationship to the core. And especially from Zam's pov, Mapicc being mad that he went to Derap IS unfair. Mapicc is controlling his actions, who he can hang out with.
But Mapicc's devotion has no outlet. His love is so strong and complete, his mind always going back to Zam and where is Zam and why won't he come back to Mawn and Zam is strong and capable and all these huge and confusing emotions that don't make sense. He's a strong and independent Mape who doesn't need anyone. He's fine. He's fine alone. He doesn't need anyone.
He can't articulate it. Doesn't even know or see what is so clearly there by his actions.
And through the seasons Zam has always been there.
Except for that one time he wasn't. The one time Zam left.
And that time? Zam left Team Awesome because he didn't like the dupes. And Mapicc took it to heart. It was his own fault that Zam left. He pushed him too far to do what he wanted the team to do, all those fights, and Zam wasn't happy and Mapicc didn't see it, couldn't fix it until it was too late. and Zam left.
He mentioned it once to Bacon in s5. How he wanted to make sure Zam was okay with all their team plans bc last time he betrayed bc he didn't like the plans. And all s5 was a soliloquy of Mapicc never pushing his own ideas too hard, being gentle with Zam's thoughts and opinions, doing his utmost to not push Zam into betraying the team.
And Zam still betrayed him. Blessing Minute. Zam still didn't prioritize the team even though Mapicc always prioritizes his teammates.
A core ideal of Mapicc's: the teammates over everyone else.
So once again he tries not to push. Right before the end of the stalking arc he realizes he likes having Zam as a friend rather than an enemy. And chooses, willfully, to be friends. The situationship is born because he knows, oh he knows, that Zam would not be happy on the Empire bc the Empire is going to be evil and Zam has proven to Mapicc that he doesn't want to be evil.
So he doesn't push the Empire on to Zam. But, like he said in his stalking video, he realized "Zam is my only real friend on this server". His closest friend. And he doesn't want to loose Zam.
So he forms the allyship. Because his devotion runs too deep to just end neutral. And his real team isn't logging on almost ever. It's not about using Zam, it's not about taking advantage of him. It's about getting to team with his best friend. It's about devotion.
And for the next months, time and time again, Mapicc puts aside his bloodlust for Zam. He puts aside dealing out the repercussions he fundamentally is driven to dole out, his core ideal on this server, for Zam.
Core ideal vs core ideal. Dealing repercussions vs keeping the server functioning.
And Mapicc is shit at expressing what he's feeling. He tried. Oh he tried over and over. Multiple confrontations with Zam about how Zam stopped him from being himself, from getting the kill he hand picked out. And they always ended with Zam apologizing, and it seemed resolved. It seemed like Zam would change.
But it's just like in s4, but the roles have been reversed. Faced with a teammate who is doing something that fundamentally goes against everything he believes should be done on the server, they talk and talk and talk, but when it becomes proven that they did something even worse behind your back, you snap, twist the knife, and murder them.
I've said before Mapicc is having a Zam s4 of a season. And this was the eclipse federation. He thought Zam was good, he thought he wasn't doing the one thing he would never do, the one thing he has betrayed over in the past; working with the enemy, but then it was proven that Zam was doing just that.
For Zam it was about vitalasy hiding the extent of the exploits, for Mapicc it was about working with the enemy. Just like killing Spoke in the dupe war.
And one of the things Mapicc has brought up time and again recently, before he killed Zam, was wanting to finally feel free from doing what Zam wanted. How he has felt like Zam just uses him for pvp, but only in the ways that benefit Zam, and never let him get the kills he wants he wants to do.
But did he not walk into this situation, with eyes open? He knew Zam wouldn't kill, that he wanted to protect the server, but he still teamed with him.
So he feels trapped.
And then there's the side team. There's Derap. A player who had outstanding debts of repercussions to receive. Whom Zam was protecting from those repercussions. Stopping him from doing his core ideal on the server.
And Mapicc tried to say, over and over and over and over, how he would not team with Derap, how he would never team with Derap.
Is it not so similar to what he just said to Minute and Hannah, what he complained about to Bacon - he is clear with his boundary on who he will team with and they still keep telling him to team with Zam. He's trying, desperately trying, to express his opinions, to stand up for himself. And it's failing.
Trapped between wanting to make a team happy and wanting to do what he knows is right.
And not only that, but he lamented to Bacon about how he wished destroying Zam could be a passion project for them all. He's forever trapped with the worry that his team won't like his idea.
Zam would leave the team to do a solo arc, but Mapicc needs a duo. He needs a team.
So when Zam joins Derap, it cuts him to the heart. His devotion of Zam is being ripped out. His need for company is ripped away. His safety and security is gone.
Oh the two sides of a story. Love that doesn't allow for free will is not love at all. But he's so blinded by love and need that he can't see what he is doing to Zam. That what once was wholesome love has turned to something toxic.
And so the emotions simmer. Bubble away on the back burner. Until all this pain and trappedness and unmet need slams into the stove and everything falls apart. Love turns to wrath.
And it's crazy how Zam is not at fault, he's doing his own plan for the season. He, like everyone, deserves the freedom of choice.
And yet he is endlessly devoted to Mapicc too. And knows everything that makes Mapicc move and breathe. He knows Mapicc's bloodlust, his unending need for revenge when he sees slights.
But he failed to see just how much of a core this is for Mapicc.
He idealized him, put him on a pedestal of perfection, projected his own moralities on Mapicc, believing that he could convince Mapicc to be different, to not be so bloodlusty. That maybe Mapicc could go down a similar path he just did, that everything could be okay and their ideals could align.
Love blinded him to the reality of what Mapicc is.
Just as love blinded Mapicc to the reality of who Zam is.
Zam didn't see Mapicc will only love spawn because Zam loves spawn. Otherwise he just sees it as a tool for power.
Zam didn't see how his devotion became one sided as he threw himself at Mapicc over and over to make him happy, without realizing how upset Mapicc was already and how deep it really went. How unresolved.
Zam knows Mapicc values loyalty, but never once did he suspect that Mapicc would think giving hearts to the enemy was betrayal. Even though blessing Minute was a betrayal and he didn't see it then either.
Their core ideals on the server will never align. Not in the long run. Zam will be who he is: someone who will balance the server to allow every player to thrive. And Mapicc will be who he is: someone who will deal out vengeance on behalf of the server and the repercussions the other players incur.
So close to being similar. Both dedicated to the server's function. But diametrically opposed. Zam will aid. Mapicc will destroy.
Can they learn to let each other go? Can they learn to not be codependent? Can they have the confidence in themselves to not loose it the second the other does what they believe is right? Can they learn to accept the fullness of who the other is?
Because there's something about the other that relentlessly makes them devoted to the other. Something that has nothing to do with the other's actions or what they bring to the relationship. It's just who the other person is. They simply love each other.
It needed to boil over. It needed to go to fists and destruction. It's all too packed down to resolve without explosion. They can't take the other seriously for the grievance until their blood is on their sword. Until all the words have been spoken. Until they feel the repercussions have been dealt out, and there are a lot of repercussions to be had.