#goatapron

[goatapron]

Up here in the multiverse control room is where all parallel realities are monitored and managed. The system requires perpetual upgrades as an infinitely exponential number of new universes arise with every passing unit plank time.

It's amazing to think that so many universes actually exist, and that I've hooked up with your mom in almost all of them.

Happy Holidays,

G.O.A.T. Apron

[goatapron]

Four excerpts from four completely different stories, only one of which is about a full grown man whose friends don't hang out with him anymore because he started wearing puffy women's pajama pants.

[goatapron]

Greetings to you all, each of your individual moms, and also your collective mom: Mother Nature.

If you've ever wondered "Hey, if there's no Father Nature, how did Mother Nature get pregnant in the first place?", you're not alone....but you're also ignorant so allow me to fill you in (just like I did to your individual mom last night).

Nature got pregnant over Time (or under him, or reverse cowgirling him, or leaned up against a bookshelf or something idk I wasn't there). They only became Mother Nature and Father Time after the world was born, and by that point Mother Nature was alone. Time had gone to go blow off some steam at a local casino and lost track of himself (because they don't put any clocks in casinos and all the windows are sealed off).. This was a week or so before Nature gave birth. Undeterred, and generally unaffected by his absence (frankly, she really didn't give a fu¢K°), she went on to become a phenomenal Mother, Naturally.

Without further a dude, here is Nightmare Storybook Chapter 2: When Even Your Fantasies are Nightmares.

[goatapron]

Greetings to one and all --or more realistically, to just some. Welcome to my Tumblr. I'd offer you a drink, but they've told me "that's not possible to do on the internet," and for all I know, maybe you're not even thirsty.

This is the first installment of Goat Apron's Nightmare Storybook (© 1928). More to come soon. My phone is at 1% battery and the charger is like, idk, being all weird and shi