#goblin bites

[thelizardlord]

getting ads for pregnancy aids;

sweetheart, i’m the dykiest dyke on this damn block. i’m on the strap end here, and if i can’t sling this silicone well enough to get my lady knocked up, you sure as shitting have no chance of getting me pregnant either

[thelizardlord]

butch pirate: aargh, there be booty to pillage on them there shores

boring pirate: *grabs shovel*

butch pirate: garthwald, put down that shovel. can’t you see all those micro miniskirts and bikinis?! what on earth do you need to build a sandcastle for? go see if there’s any sailors at the bar, obviously only i can be trusted with such divine ✨treasure✨

[thelizardlord]

i should be rutting my strap deep into my wife rn

[thelizardlord]

oh man, i love reading femme hornyposts

[thelizardlord]

*mooshes my face between my femme’s tits*

butchposting? call that boobposting

[thelizardlord]

i would bottom so hard for Debbie Harry

[thelizardlord]

need to get my femme in the shortest little summer dress known to human kind so she can sit on my lap and keep me company while i read my books

[thelizardlord]

life goals:

1. Dig hole

2. Build a cabin in the bushlands

3. Fill said cabin with books, plants, instruments, and comfy chairs

4. Fuck women

5. Get chickens

6. Get a cat (the cat stays indoors, gotta protect the native wildlife)

7. Fuck women

8. Lesbian sex

9. Build a gay little homestead in harmony with nature