#goblin yapping

[thelizardlord]

local butch does butch things (dreams about pretty ladies and readjusts packer)

[thelizardlord]

getting ads for pregnancy aids;

sweetheart, i’m the dykiest dyke on this damn block. i’m on the strap end here, and if i can’t sling this silicone well enough to get my lady knocked up, you sure as shitting have no chance of getting me pregnant either

[thelizardlord]

what exactly rains when we say *it* is raining? the weather is raining? the sky is raining? at least when we say it is hot/cold, we’re saying the temperature is hot/cold

[thelizardlord]

i hope that, at some point in my lifetime, we change the rules of academic english to allow spaces on either side of dashes. it looks so much nicer to me

i should clarify that hyphens don’t count for this

[thelizardlord]

ew omg i hate pineapple flavoured candy. why must so many candy companies ruin whole bags of their product by contaminating them with such a foul taste

[thelizardlord]

idea: i get a reduction so good it looks like i’ve never had tits, get the gents and my eyebrow pierced, walk around in public shirtless with a leather jacket over my shoulder, flirt with every femme i see, then pick up my missus from her girls’ night in the rattiest looking station wagon known to butchkind

[thelizardlord]

WHY ARE THE CUTE LESBIANS (and bi and pan women) SO FAR AWAY FROM ME? THIS DYKE NEEDS KISSES

[thelizardlord]

butch pirate: aargh, there be booty to pillage on them there shores

boring pirate: *grabs shovel*

butch pirate: garthwald, put down that shovel. can’t you see all those micro miniskirts and bikinis?! what on earth do you need to build a sandcastle for? go see if there’s any sailors at the bar, obviously only i can be trusted with such divine ✨treasure✨