Pulse of a Warrior
Summary: Goku hasn't been around in months since his return from Yardrat. While Krillin has kept you informed of his whereabouts but he's avoided you for so long you're starting to doubt if he even wants to see you again.
And after all this time, you never got a chance to even tell him how you feel.
Pairing: Son Goku/Reader Word Count: 9672
CW: Fluff, slight angst (mostly miscommunication), Goku being Goku, inappropriate heart monitoring
Dishes clatter in the sink one by one. The water is still warm and soapy as you scrub. Some of the pans still need an extra bit of time soaking so you leave them set off to the side each filled with scalding water as not to clutter the sink. The dishwasher hums peacefully under the counter, filling the otherwise silent kitchen with a constant rumble like a coming storm.
The quiet has always been a favorite of yours, not because of the solitude but that it gives you the chance to just be. Not to worry about anything crashing through the wall and causing you trouble for the tenth time in your life. Usually you'd have some music playing but you hadn't felt like messing with the radio so close to the water. It crosses your mind to invite Piccolo over again as he was one of your friends who knew how to enjoy the silence. He also seemed to like your company too compared to most of the other fighters.
But instead your head is full of buzzing thoughts like little flies in your ears. You want to enjoy your day, even if it means doing chores, yet you can't seem to get into that mindset no matter what you do.
You're not really sure why you're feeling this way. Is it because of guilt that you hadn't done enough? Or maybe you've missed something and he's not saying anything out of politeness.
Whatever the case, it's eating you alive.
When Porunga revealed Goku was alive you were beyond tears as only a vast well of relief swelled in your chest until it spilled over your lashes down your cheeks. You don't remember if you'd even spoken from how happy you were just to know he was still okay—the fact alone a miracle after Namek's destruction.
Then the bubble burst when he admitted he didn't want to come back.
Another dish gets picked up, covered in soapy bubbles that you scrub into. The leftover spaghetti sauce was left to sit for too long and now you have to scratch it out. Great.
The sour little thought doesn't keep you distracted long.
Joy and confusion mixed into a toxic compound of grief. You didn't know why he would ever think about staying away, not with Gohan still needing him. He would never leave him alone to live the same way he had when his grandfather died. Somewhere in there, you'd hoped he wanted to come back to you too.
Seems you were wrong.
This time it's a handful of silverwear trying your patience. Not because they're difficult to clean but because there's so many. You've always hated washing silverware by hand but it was your fault that you didn't run the dishwasher until right now so you'll have to deal with it until it's done.
It took him a whole year to come back. You trusted Krillin when he suggested that the only reason he could think of for why Goku wanted to stay behind was to train his new transformation. From what Gohan had said it was very intense, both physically and emotionally. According to the boy his father had actually snapped at him for the first time when he'd changed, something he'd never done before.
That was the first time you'd ever heard of the term Super Saiyan. And from what you'd learned second hand, you believed that would be a good reason for a man as kind hearted as Goku to stay away for the time being.
But when he did come back he was different, both good and bad. While he'd been able to conquer the power in his body to use as he needed, he hadn't even tried to visit. He stayed away even when he was back on the same soil and shared the same air as you.
You admit to some fault quietly in your rambling thoughts. You hadn't really gone with the others when he was supposed to arrive, instead staying home. It ended up being the right idea as you were able to avoid being noticed by Frieza's returning shuttle—while you never doubted the other's ability to protect you, just the thought of that freak even looking at you made shivers run down your spine.
Not to mention the situation with the androids. Krillin had to be the one to tell you of their plans to destroy everything that he'd learned from some kid from the future, that they got some kind of twisted purpose out of doing what they were made for out of spite.
Not to mention the cruel plan of poisoning Goku with a virus that-
You grit your teeth and shake the memory away as hard as you can.
Maybe if you had joined them back when he'd first returned you'd have gotten a chance to see him before he ran off to train. Just a moment to look at his face would have been the push you needed then maybe you'd be able to-
Your arm knocks into the edge of the full dish drainer, nearly pushing it straight to the floor. You barely manage to stop it by throwing your soap covered hand up and pulling it back in place-
-SMASH-
Little shards splash up your ankles as the sound reverberates through the silent house. Belatedly you look down at the floor, where the remains of a plate now lay to rest by your feet. It takes you a moment longer to actually recognize what had happened and you blink, albeit a bit slowly.
Ah. Too bad. Could be worse.
You'd rather the one than the whole cabinet's worth still on the counter.
With a sigh you turn around to look for the broom, thankfully spotting it on the other side of the kitchen. Good, you didn't feel like picking glass shards out of your feet today-
-p-tap-
Your head snaps up towards the window above the sink. Outside, the crisp blue sky is dotted with a few whispy clouds streaking overhead. You'd cracked open the window to let in a breeze as you worked, allowing the rattle of the bamboo leaves surrounding your house to creep in.
Someone was on the pathway. You recognize the orange gi he's wearing, the deep black kanji of the Kai facing you through the window. While he does have dense black hair it's dripping wet and plastered to his head as he crouched over something large laid at his feet, like he's judging something with a distant mutter.
You strain your ears over the dishwasher's content rumbling, pulse kicking up to a rabbit's pace. It's a fleeting hope but you pray to Shenron that you're right.
He moves in a flutter of cloth and sodden hair being tossed around as he shakes his head, black spikes fluffing up instantly.
“Woo, bit rougher landing than I wanted-ptheh!” Your heart stutters in your chest as he stands up with the object at his feet in a tight grip, “I thought I would've dried off during the flight. Guess I was more wet than I thought.” He tosses the thing over his shoulder, actually a large fish you'd never be able to fish out on your own.
You want him to face you. Need him to—it's selfish but you need to see his face and prove to the little voice in the back of your head still claiming he's not here. That this is a dream.
And like he'd heard you he turns around, black eyes roaming the yard curiously, “Hope she didn't hear me coming. I haven't even gotten the chance to ready the fish yet!”
Goku.
He's here. Actually here, standing on your yard like everything is normal again.
You're staring before you can think properly. He hadn't changed in the slightest since you'd last seen him, still wide eyed and smiling like he hadn't left you wondering if he'd forgotten you existed. His wild black hair is still a permanent mess, he still wears that stupid gi that makes you feel things you wish you could give a voice to. He's still, of all things to still be doing after an entire year, dropping by to give you a fucking fish he caught.
Completely oblivious to you losing your mind, Goku walks your home's pathway as if he'd done it all his life, goggling wide eyed at all the bamboo around him, “After all this time it still takes me so long to find the place.” He turns a circle, head tilting up to where the shoots converge overhead, “It all looks so similar from above-”
The fact he's just monologuing to himself, having a full conversation without concern of a second party, is what snaps you out of your frozen state. You scramble to the door, broken plate forgotten as you nearly throw it open.
Goku had his back to you when the hinges creak loud enough to wake the dead and his shoulders rocket up to his ears, “Eh!?” The force of him spinning around makes the fish fly outward before coming back to rest on his spine as he drops into a crouch.
You stare at him, a grown man—Saiyan, in fact—goggle at you with wide eyes with his free arm ready at his side like you're about to attack him. You continue to stare as he slowly rises from that stance to standing but leaning a little bit away with his empty hand still raised, gaze locked onto you. You stare until the image of him grows fuzzy at the edges like paint washing out and your eyes begin to sting from being open for too long.
He stares back, lips pressed tightly together. Those deep black eyes locked in what you think must be deep thought as they trail down your figure, lingering on places you're certain he didn't before. He flinches suddenly, eyes squinting slightly as his chest lurches with a sharp, silent inhale with his empty fist clenching at his side.
Then it's gone as he waves at you with a cheery grin, “Hey, (Y/n)! I know I haven't been around much but I brought you this-uwAHH!?”
He flinches back, panic in his face as you charge and launch straight into him. Instantly you register a distant splat of soggy clothes and a cool rush exploding across your chest and down your stomach but you couldn't care less. Of course your meager strength doesn't even make him so much as stumble, his heavy body absorbing the impact like hitting a brick wall, but he lets you scramble to hold onto him like he'd disappear if you didn't, burying your face directly into the hard chest you once believed you'd never return to.
“Hey whoa! What's this for?” You feel him wriggle in your grip, shuffling something, “The fish isn't going anywhere you know.”
You don't move even an inch away as he shows his catch to you, it's blue scales popping up in your peripheral vision. But you don't move—you stay there glued to the front of his gi, the sodden cloth smelling faintly of algea as it begins soaking into your shirt and jeans. Yet you can still make out a scent you can only define as him—a warm musk like sunshine and oranges in your lungs.
A tight knot builds in your throat as you leave his question unanswered. Trying to control yourself you bask in how his boyish voice rumbles through his chest and into you, buzzing pleasantly across your cheeks. It soothes a part of you that had believed it had been abandoned, providing both relief and making the pressure in your lungs worse in equal parts.
Completely oblivious to your turmoil he allows you to hold onto him, casually placing a hand underneath you as if it were completely normal for people to launch themselves at him and cling to his body like a koala, “Kinda surprised that you're hugging me since I'm all wet from the river. You got so mad at me last time, heheheh!” You can hear the smile in his voice as his laugh shakes in his chest. The motion makes you draw even closer until your nose is nearly buried between his pecs, wetting your face with his damp clothes.
-ba-thump-
-ba-thump
-ba-thump-
The thud of his heartbeat thrums behind his dense pectoral muscles, yet it seems to gravitate towards you as you remain in his hold. You can feel the muscles stretch and relax, pulsing in time with the beat in controlled compressions. As if his heart were right against his ribs, beating against you in a secret language you couldn't decipher yet.
-ba-thump-
-ba-thump-
You suck in a stuttering breath as you bite your lower lip hard.
“Eh....” Finally your silence is starting to get to him as you hear him put the fish down, “Is something wrong, (Y/n)? Normally you...aren't this quiet...”
You're somewhat ashamed to admit that you just can't find the words to even try. After so long of not having him around you'd gone a bit stir crazy to the point you'd run this exact kind of conversation in your head a thousand times. You thought you had everything ready for when you'd see him again. And here you were, completely tongue tied.
Though you could give yourself a bit of a break, given you were seconds away from a breakdown right in his arms.
-ba-thump-
-ba-thump-
Tears sting at your eyes as you frantically try to blink them away, hands clenching his gi around his waist, ignoring the trickle of cool water over your palms. He responds by steadying his grip underneath you, adjusting to hold your weight across one massive palm while the other sets along your back, the weight of it forcing a shuddering gasp out of you, “Y-You never came back....”
-bathump-bathump-
-bathump-bathump-
“Huh? Of course I came back, I'm right here aren't I?” He sounds incredulous as if you'd asked him if he wanted to give up fighting, “I know my trip to Yardrat took a long time but I didn't go anywhere else.“
His gi blurs into a mess of orange and blue as the tears clinging to your lashes are barely held back by a thread, “I'm-I'm talking about me. You never visited me, Goku, not even for a minute. You just-You just ran off into the next-you didn't even-!” You can't get out the words. They tangle up in your throat along the sobs desperate to get out too. You're trying to keep it together, but your walls are breaking down.
“But, I'm right here? (Y/n) I've been here the whole tim-”
This idiot-
You manage to release your death grip just to smack him on the shoulder. He did yelp as if in pain but you know damn well you didn't hurt him in the slightest—in fact you probably hurt yourself more but you didn't feel it from how worked up you were, “I meant back when you first got to Earth, you dumbass!” You tried to put on an angry front but your voice cracks the second you cursed at him. So you just hit him again and again, bashing your tiny fist into his rock hard shoulder.
“Ow ow ow! Okay! Calm down I can explain!” His hand lifts from your back to grab your wrist. Though firm enough to keep your arm still, it's nowhere near tight enough to leave even a bruise. Tingles run up to your shoulder as he lowers your hand, drawing comforting circles on the inside of your wrist with his thumb, “If I knew you'd get this worked up I would have come over sooner but I had to be sure.”
His chest beats against your face a bit stronger, the pulse thrumming his blood a little louder. Bulging pectoral muscles flex outward in the motion, pressing up into your cheeks like the comforting touch of a lover.
-bathump-bathump-
-bathump-bathump-
He lets go of your wrist letting it fall back around his waist as he grabs you by the shoulder, pushing you back slowly. You choked out a soft whine when your vision was no longer filled with the blue of his gi and struggled against him for a moment. Clearly you get nowhere closer which helps clear your head a bit, realizing how you must look.
Embarrassing.
His hand moves down onto your chest, keeping you perfectly still, “(Y/n) come on. Look at me.” His voice still sounds so boyish as if he were pouting, but you can hear the demand in his words. He won't let you just back out of it; whatever he's going to tell you must be important.
Not that you wanted to, not ever. You needed to see him up close, internally begging to look at his face in the hopes it would bring you back to your senses but you couldn't. Some part of you wanted to live in the subtle line between reality and fantasy where Goku never came back so you could do this interaction all over again.
Somehow, you can still hear his heartbeat, slightly fainter but still loud and strong.
-bathump-bathump-
-bathump-bathump-
You watch the shape of his chest pulse gently in time with the beat. As if his heart had suddenly moved closer to the outside of his body, to you.
That idea only makes the tears you'd been holding back finally fall down your cheeks.
Goku's whole body flinches, a crashing 'ga-thUMP!' lurching his sternum so hard you see his gi strain against it for a moment, “A-Ah! No no don't cry! I promise there's a good reason why I wasn't around!” His black hair flips back and forth as he frantically looks around before landing on something at his feet, “See! I brought you some food! I know I haven't been doing that recently so I wanted to surprise you! Heheheh!” He laughs nervously as he brings it up by the tail.
The motion finally makes you look up at it, a great fin river tuna. The scales are all scratched up likely from him dragging it out of the water bare handed with a few bits of river grass knotted within the little spines racing down it's back all the way up to his hand. Both are also dripping wet. Your eyes traced the droplets trickling down his forearm, following the contours of tightly knitted muscle in his bicep and shoulder speckled with little pearls of light until finally reaching his face.
He's even more disheveled than he first looked at a distance. His dense black hair drips water down his cheeks soaking into the collar of his gi. Little leaves from river plants cling everywhere in his thick spikes like tiny sprigs of life sprouting from his head. He looks as if he'd taken a dive face first into an abandoned pool even as he grins nervously, a streak of dried mud cracking off his cheek.
He's never been more damning to you.
-bathump-bathump-
-bathump-bathump
His eyes squint to the beat of his pulse, as if he were struck by it. He swallows hard with a soft 'eheheh' hesitantly shaking his body against you, “Eh, see? Everything's okay-”
“What d-do you mean you have a good reas-a reason.” You try to stabilize your voice but it still has a traitorous wobble as you scrub your cheeks with one hand, “You said there was a reason you never c-came over. I thought..”
-bathump-bathump-
-bathump-bathump-
The beat is so quiet as you speak, barely a whispered undercurrent of the conversation. Adding its two cents without interruption and somehow, it comforts you. The steady rhythm pulls you further out of your spiral until you've mostly composed yourself enough to wipe away most of the tears.
“Huh? Thought what?” His head tilts, eyes still full of worry as the fish is lowered. He looked like a cute muscle bound puppy.
-bathump-bathump-
-bathump-bathump-
Your throat still tightens in a swallow, “I thought...s-snfgh...you-I thought you didn't want to vi-visit me anym-anymore...”
-ga-THUMP-
He flinches sharply, thick chest expanding with a sudden gasp. You barely notice as your eyes had dropped to the tuna he'd caught for you, allowing hazy memories of various recipes for fish to cover your sudden intense abandonment with tactile instruction for later.
The breeze picks up, coasting the warm summer heat across the yard. Bamboo creaks all around filling in the gentle silence between you with the rustle of leaves, alongside a steady thudding beat.
Goku says nothing, still holding you as if your physical weight didn't matter as much as the weight of your words. You're sure he understands well enough, still some part of you worries he might need a more clear explanation—but he doesn't ask for one. The tendons in his neck tense in your peripheral as he looks away too.
He then grunts low in his throat as a firm 'ga-thUMP!' punches his chest out again, the force of it shaking even you. He drops the fish on the ground with a wet thump as his now empty hand presses against his chest, “G-guh....agh...eh..eheheh...oops.”
You look up with wide eyes as black eyes glance at you with a strained grin. Another hard 'ga-thUMP' pulses in his ribs as he lets out a soft 'agh!' under his breath, gaze flicking away nervously. But you feel the tension in his body and how it tightens every muscle under your hands with enormous strength.
-baTHUMP-
-baTHUMP-
His heartbeat is so loud. To the point it was starting to scare you.
-baTHUMP-
-baTHUMP-
You'd never heard of a heartbeat that could pound so hard it caused his whole body to throb with it.
-baTHUMP-
“Are..” You hesitate, licking your lips, “Are you alright?”
“Eh?” His little grin drops before the hand on his chest raises placatingly, “No no, I'm fine just uh-ugh-” His shoulders lurch to his ears as another -ga-thUMP- pounds inside, “Just uhhh a bit worked up from the uhh-” Black hair swishes as he desperately glanced around before settling on the fish again, “Fishing! From fishing, yeah! Just overdid it a bit nothing much, eheheh!”
You can tell he's trying to distract you which brings more tears, “Goku, you can't tell a lie to save your l-life.” Your hiccup makes his eyes go wide, panic flooding his expression, "Did you just not want to see me again? Was I just n-not anyone important anymore? D-Did…snfgh.." You sniffle, choking back a sob.
"Did you just…leave me behind?"
The fear had been with you for some time now. The reality of your relationship with the rest of the fighters—you weren't special at all. No real fighting skills, no special abilities to give them advantages, not even anything tangible like the beans the little cat Korin would grow for them. You were a nobody. A random girl who'd crossed paths with a certain monkey tailed boy who ate everything on her market stall and simply hadn't moved on since.
Sure, he visited on occasion when the mood struck him but rarely did he stay for long. Mostly just to eat your fridge dry and train on your lawn. You never could bring yourself to do much else, too flustered to draw out conversations or interact with him as the little voice in your head warned you he'd notice your growing feelings. A fear you fostered in secret as it felt like safety to keep him at arms length.
He'd grown so much more than just a normal man. From being revealed as an alien one day to overpowering one of the strongest tyrants in the universe the next, did someone so normal like you fit into his life anymore? Had you just, become a simple stepping stone?
You didn't know. You just didn't know and it was eating you alive. You just didn't know and you were going to lose him as a friend, lose anything you may have had with him because he wouldn't come back one day and it's all your fault for being too weak. Too boring for someone like him to care for anymore like a stray dog that's overstayed it's welcome.
He may have come today just to let you go.
You're ripped out of your spiral as a massive hand grabs you by the back of the head and shoves you into warm, packed muscle, “Uff! Goku w-wha-”
-ba-THUMP-
The next beat pulses through your cheek like a punch. Supple flesh tightened by the comparatively minor strain of just holding you in place squishes gently against you, scorching hot with the blood pumping through his veins. Both pectoral muscles squeeze the side of your face between them like the hands of a lover caressing your skin, gentle yet leaving no room for argument.
-ba-THUMP-
The massive hand holding your head presses you closely against him, the other keeping a firm grip on your bottom so you wouldn't fall in the next beat. He keeps you there, making you hear its thunderous roar right in your ear as your brow rested in the hollow of his throat. His soft breathless gasp fills in the silence between one beat to the next, as if the closeness had startled something loose in him.
-ba-THUMP-
His heartbeat was so loud. So insistent and demanding, as if it were trying to reach out to you making you hear it's call. But now with your ear resting on his chest you can tell that instead of a continuous pounding heartrate of a muscle overworking, it's a different situation entirely.
While it continued to throb within his breast certain beats would skip off the tune in a rhythm different to the one sustaining his life. Each unique pulse on the separate beat rockets through his body punching his ribcage out in time with the strike, pectorals throbbing against your cheek. Out of tune, but unique in that it doesn't seem to hinder the sturdy pounding of his resting heartbeat, instead adding a second louder pulse on top. A song you can hear yet don't understand.
And you want so desperately to know what it's saying.
-ba-THUMP-
Your tears slow as he swallows, the sound clicking in his throat, “It's...been like this for a long time.” His voice is so soft and gentle, but with your ear resting right against the hollow of his collar it rumbles directly into your bones, even at such a quiet mutter with the heady pound of his heart right in your skull, “It started a long time ago when I was still a kid. One day it just started workin' differently and didn't really go back to normal for a long time. Used to make me think I was sick but never really had any other symptoms.”
-ba-THUMP-
“I tried to ask Roshi or Krillin but they didn't know either. I'm not sure if they even knew what I was asking, though it's not like I knew either. I guess I could've asked Vegeta but, eheh, he probably would've just called me an idiot and left.” His laugh sends tingles down your spine, “So I tried to figure it out myself. Sorry but, it took a while. A lot longer than I meant it to.”
-ba-THUMP-
The hand behind your head tangles gently into your hair, large fingers scratching your scalp tenderly. Your shaky gasp makes his grip tighten just a little, pressing you even closer to the next beat.
-ba-THUMP-
“Hmm...I missed holding you, ya know.” His thumb rubs over your hair to prove his point, “Your so light it didn't take much when I was younger. But now it's like you're made of air. You barely weigh anything at all. It....” You can feel the soft, sharp inhale expanding his chest in your arms, “....It kinda scares me....how easily I could...”
He doesn't finish. You can feel the sudden choke in his lungs as he swallows hard. He can't bring himself to say it.
He doesn't have to.
-ba-THUMP-
“Its..It's why I couldn't come back. This power I have now...it changes how I am. Makes me stronger but, to get there I have to get mad. Really mad.” His chin lowers to rest onto the top of your head, nearly making you tear up, “I couldn't trust myself around anyone until I was sure I could control it. And,” Another pause as he takes a breath.
“I couldn't bear the idea of hurting you.”
-GA-THUMP-
“Hng...!”
That vicious beat pounds in your skull like a sledgehammer. The muscles he held you to tightened, expanded to near bursting against your face. You could feel the strain of his gi as it desperately tried to contain the rebel of his heart alongside the packed walls of muscle swelling to the limit inside your embrace.
-ba-THUMP-
“H-Heheh, it's probably why I can't put you down now either. Believe me, I tried to earlier since I doubt you wanna be held all day.” He tilts his head until you feel his lips brush over your hair, hand sliding down your neck as he mutters, “But even so, I doubt you want me to either. I think you wanna stay here too.”
-ba-THUMP-
And you do.
There's not a single part of you wanting to part with him in this moment. You want to bind yourself to him, become one with him at a cosmic level—but you can't bring yourself to voice it. Because somewhere deep you still don't believe what you're hearing, that maybe it's all still somehow a dream.
His hand flinches against your back, those massive fingers curling into your shirt to clutch you tight.
“I know why my heart is doing this.”
-GATHUMP-
“Ngh-!” His body curls into you at the force battering his sternum. The new angle drives your cheek deeper into his chest making the muscle wrap around you tighter with each beat as his breathing deepens, “S-Sorry. Kinda hard keeping it down..”
You finally start coming out of your stupor, “H-Huh?” Trying to look up at him only draws a soft groan from him as your nose nuzzles into his collarbone. You squirm, blushing fiercely as the movement makes you rub into his pectorals, “G-Goku? Can you...can you let me go?”
-GATHUMP-
“Ack! A-Aaugh....” With a sharp hiss his arm wraps around your back firmly, “N-Not really...eheh sorry ab-about that...guh!?”
-GATHUMP-
A sharp gust of air blasts through your hair, but not from the bamboo surrounding your property. It comes from below, as if the wind suddenly decided to erupt from the ground. Briefly you feel his skin grow hotter to the point of nearly burning your hands before cooling again.
“Ngh....”
You want to interrogate him about his behavior, but with how he clings to you it's difficult to keep your thoughts in order. He was nothing but muscle and trying to fight against his hold was an effort in futility. He'd never hurt you, but to get anywhere further in the conversation you needed to push him to give you a clear answer.
So you push against him gently, not enough to pull yourself out of his hold but enough to let you move your face out of the hollow of his throat, managing to turn your head around to face his jawline. He adjusts with you, sliding off of you to drop his chin against your forehead “....Does it hurt..?”
His pecs clench at your soft breath against his neck, “M-mngh....kinda....” He hesitates as he tightens his grip on you.
-GATHUMP-
The beat pounds into your chest and you squeeze him in return, trying to comfort the storm he's fallen into, “....Goku...you don't have to...”
-GATHUMP-GATHUMP-
“U-Ugh!” Panting he shakes his head, “N-No. I can't. I-I can't risk it. I'd never forgive myself if I....!” He can't even finish, swallowing loudly. Instead he nestles you even closer to his breast keeping you there with his one arm around your back, “T-This is enough. It-It doesn't hurt as bad when you're close-guh?!”
-GATHUMP-GATHUMP-
Another sharp burst of air blasts your hair up. This time, at the new angle you were able to coerce him into giving you, you can see how his body suddenly strains under the force. A layer of light bursts over his skin briefly, fluctuating to the rhythm beating in his chest. With it had been another wave of heat thrumming against your cheek, his hair flowing upwards into sharp upward spikes before gently falling back over his forehead.
He gasps for air, stunned for a moment at the sudden display, “Ah....hah..eheheh, see? Doing better alr-ready.” He tries to laugh while pulling away from his earlier sharp curl into you, but the strain in his tone tells you just how hard he's refraining from doing it again, “Just—Lemme put you down. I'll get the fish ready to-”
”Goku.” He stiffens, stopping halfway from removing his support beneath you, “Goku you....you don't have to hide from me. I,” You pause to swallow hard, “I trust you.”
-GA-THUMP-
The pulse almost tosses you out of his hold. Goku himself nearly buckles under the intensity of it, groaning long and deep into your ear as he grips you tightly against him. Another rush of air tosses his bangs off his forehead and you can feel him just barely suppress the heat spiking in his veins before it burns you, “You...ugh....D-Don't do that! I-I don't know if I can keep this under control if you tell me things like that!”
“What if I don't want you to?” The bold way you speak surprises even you as the words just flow from your mouth, “What if I want you to show me? That I want to see what this power can do to you?”
-GATHUMP-GATHUMP-
“Ah....! Hah..!! You don't know what you're asking of me, (Y/n).” He grits out.
You snap back, “Of course I don't, you didn't ever show up to tell me!”
“You didn't either!” The aggression in his bark makes you flinch as his voice travels through his quaking chest, ”This works both ways, you can't just expect me to always come see you first!”
A bitter lance of spite hits you in the chest, “Well you never bothered to stick around much anyways! Why would I come visit your place if you're always off fighting!?”
-GATHUMP-GATHUMP-
“HRK! Becau-Because—I—!” He flounders and you can see the fluster growing on his face as he panics, “L-Look, please just-ngh!”
-GATHUMP-
“J-Just let me-hng!”
-GATHUMP-GATHUMP-
Whatever he was going to say is lost as he curls inwards, clutching you as close as possible to his thundering chest. Pain carves into his expression and he glares at the ground with gritted teeth as another flare burns across his skin. His growl is a long, deep song of primal energy at the end of it's leash.
You watch in morbid fascination as his hair briefly flashes a brilliant gold light, then fading into its deep black, “Goku..”
-GATHUMP-GATHUMP-
"I know you won't hurt me…"
He flinches as your hand gently comes to rest atop his chest, right over the traitorous muscle pounding in his veins. Deep black eyes flicker down to you, tightly scrunched in a fleeting attempt to control himself, the hand at your back coming back up to rest against the back of your head.
You watch him, the man—the Saiyan—you'd grown to love, “...I trust you Goku. Let go..”
His eyes widen, surprise and awe caught inside obsidian. His mouth parts slightly, jaw unclenching to let loose a soft breath. A release.
-GATHUMP-GATHUMP-
-GATHUMP-GATHUMP-
Dark black slowly shifts into a brilliant blue before rolling back into his head as ki erupts across his body.
His skin boils with energy, igniting tingles across your arms and down your thighs where you still cling to him. The thick chest he holds you to doubles in size, biceps swelling as the expanse of his shoulders burst out. A deep resonant hum rings in your ears, gathering strength while settling into the world around you with the same presence as a mountain tearing from the center of the earth.
Air rushes upwards, blowing his hair up into sharp points and burning away the river plants tangled among them as every strand erupts into a brilliant golden light.
-BA-THUMP-
You feel the pulse pound against his ribcage, seeping between his bones into the space between you. It echoes in the silence of the bamboo, yet is soft enough not to hurt your ears with it's power. A calm yet dominating aura pours out of his body like a river unbound, bleeding a silent roar that shakes the very air.
The breath he releases feels like a beast waking from a long slumber. His head tips back down, eyes slowly opening.
You gasp as seafoam green clashes with yours. The color as cool as an ocean floor singes you to your core, sparks flying in your blood to several places at once. Your heart ignites, racing with excitement and fear alike as it takes them in with a terrible and overwhelming sense of fear, recognizing the predator before it. The other places, the lowest coil of your gut specifically, throb in anticipation of the hunt. Preparing, soaking and heating all at once.
Where you'd seen a perpetual youthful joy now bore a sustained wrath, caged behind layers of control shaking at the force of it. An angry monster, chained by the temperment and kindness of the man who housed it in his body.
And he would never let it harm you.
-BA-THUMP-
-BA-THUMP-
-BA-THUMP-
The beat in his chest slows to a steady rate again, finally quelling after being restrained for so long. Even so it's power shakes his body gently with each pulse to remind you that it's still there, simmering under his skin and radiating a golden light.
“It's called Super Saiyan.” The rough timbre of his voice rumbling low in his chest makes you shiver. He sounds so dark, like a storm weaved into words, “And its why I didn't want to come home yet cause just from standing here, talking to you, I almost lost control of it.”
He says it so casually you almost miss the risk he'd taken, “Goku what-What do you mean you-” You check his person frantically not even sure what you;re looking for, some kind of sign that what he said was true? Just to get the nervous energy out? You don't even know anymore, “Would it-I mean could you have hurt yourself?”
His eyebrows raise slightly in surprise before he smiles, almost a smirk, “Of course you'd be worried about me first...but no. It wouldn't hurt me. Sure didn't feel comfortable but nothing I can't handle.” Even his laugh is tinted with darkness, a lowered rasp that rumbles into you with the colors of sin, “I was...more worried I would scare you.”
No matter how many times he tells you, you don;t understand. He was too kind to do anyone harm unless he needed to and even then you'd seen him offer mercy, “You couldn't scare me Goku. Not really.”
He shakes his head, “No I wouldn't. But that's not...really what I mean.” The intensity of his gaze wavers as green eyes flick away, “I mean, kind of. I did worry that I would lose control so it's why I stayed away—wait I already said that-ugh..” The hand on your back goes to press against his forehead, “S-Sorry I'm not really good at this mushy stuff. Especially in this state since all of my emotions are a lot louder right now.”
The fact he's floundering in such an overwhelming form pulls a laugh from you. It's such a Goku response you could almost forget everything you'd been struggling with. Almost, “It's okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just....” You smile, tracing a hand up his strong neck to ruffle his gold hair. Little zaps of energy tingle against your fingers as they weave through the thick strands, “I'm just glad you came to visit.”
Goku stares at you wide eyed, clearly not expecting the sudden head pats, before he sighs. He takes your hand in his pulling it away from his glowing hair to press it against his cheek, “Yeah, I missed you a lot. There wasn't a day I spent on Yadrat when I wasn;t thinking about you.”
Heat floods your cheeks and you look down to hide your smile, “I missed you too.”
Just as he was starting to nuzzle into your palm he pauses, blinking, “Oh yeah. I almost forgot.” Your hand gets dropped and you barely manage to catch onto his gi before it falls onto your face.
You start to look up, confused, when your jaw is cupped and tilted up to face him. You stare, wide eyed, into a pair of tender green eyes before they quickly close and—
Oh.
Goku was kissing you.
The shock of it prevents you from responding but it doesn;t seem to affect him at all. While it's not a deep, sensual kiss, it manages to send goosebumps across your entire body. Reminding you that he's holding you without breaking a sweat as if you weigh nothing. You whimper into the kiss, placing your shaking hands on his shoulders as he grumbles throatily in turn.
A shuddering beat in his chest draws you closer. His toned body is so much harder in this form, soft muscle that conformed to your shape before now swollen with power that barely gave under pressure. Still his heart thunders away inside his ribs, pressing his pecs into your breasts like an immovable wall you were being squished into.
Finally he pulls away, breathing slightly heavier from the kiss, “I love you too. Can't believe I almost let you go without telling you, heheh!”
You nearly fall out of his hands for him. Your eyes turn to the size of saucers the flush already warming your face turning red hot with a gasp as your heart throws itself into your throat in a desperate bid to skip several beats by making you choke on them instead.
He just continues to hold you, smiling gently, “I know it's a lot but I promise I'm telling you the truth. Even if I kinda almost messed it up by trying to keep it down for this long,“ There was no way you could get away from how he was looking you nor hide the fluster currently putting your tongue on hold, ”You don;t have to answer if you're not ready. I just..really wanted to tell you before I lost the nerve to.”
He looks so patient but there's an edge of worry to his gaze. He glances away, a nervous tilt to his smile wrenching at your heart.
“I...” He immediately looks at you again, listening intently to what you have to say, “..I think I...No. I don't think.” You gather yourself with a deep breath, “I love you too, Goku. I didn't-I didn;t get to tell you either, did I?”
When you smile at him again, you don't see his eyes go wide with surprise. Instead his eyebrows raise up in a familiar cheeky grin, “I know. But I like to hear you say it out loud this time.”
Your smile fades a little in confusion, “What? Out loud? Wait-did you already know before you left and still didn't even bother to visit?”
“Um, no?” He tilts his head at you like a confused, green eyed and golden haired dog, “I couldn't really find the words and I didn't really know what you were trying to say either so I just read your mind. Was kinda easy since you think so loudly, eheheh-OW!“
His whole body tries and fails to flinch away from your sudden yank on his hair but since you're still wrapped around him he can't get far, “Goku you asshole why didn't you just tell me you already knew!? And what do you mean you're reading my mind!? Who does that!? You didn't even ask!” You smack his chest repeatedly, doing absolutely no damage despite his whining as every time your fist connects it just bounces right off his firm pec like he was made of stone.
“Ow ow ow okay! I'm sorry I won't do it again!” He manages to grab your wrist in a careful grip, “Man, if I thought you'd lost any fire since I left I'd've been proven wrong!” He giggles like he wasn't nearly six feet of muscle restrained by pure hearted airheadedness.
You make a point to prove you're still angry by slamming your head right into his stupid happy face. You'll give him points for tanking it with a grunt, “That's for reading my mind without permission, you jerk.” You grit out trying to keep your angry expression, though you're not sure how effective it is given you're quickly gaining a new headache in place of him being an idiot.
Worth every second.
Still he nods frantically even if your attack didn't seem to phase him in the slightest, “Yeah got it. No mind reading.” As he holds you steady he begins to pry you off his person, “Come on, I don;t want the fish to go bad.”
You stare at him confused for a moment before remembering. Right, he did get you a big river tuna, “Don't think this conversation is over because of that, Goku. You still have to explain what the Hell you mean by mind reading. Did you have that before going to Namek or something?”
Getting yourself to let go is a bit of a challenge, you find. Apparently since you were so busy panicking over him you didn't even notice your legs falling asleep even while locked around his waist. Goku, patient as he is, helps you get down by holding onto the majority of your weight in his hands. One wraps around your waist while the other grips onto your leg with wide fingers spread on the outside of your thigh as you readjust to standing and once you can do so on your own he lets you go. You miss his warmth instantly.
“Nah, just something I picked up on the way there. Don't really use it much since I kinda don't like prying into people's heads.” He starts to lean down to pick up the fish's tail but stops short as a gold lock falls into his face, “Oh yeah, I almost forgot.” Standing back up he takes a deep breath.
-ba-THUMP-
-ba-THUMP-
-ba-THump-
His chest pounds, pulse roaring to a crescendo before fading slowly. Muscles expanded to the limit compress back down, a soft rush of air dropping over the both of you as his overwhelming power dwindles. The golden light emanating from his hair begins to fade out as they soften from their spiked up look back down to his usual scruffy state.
And just like that the terrifying, predatory pressure is gone. Like it had never happened.
Goku takes a moment to brush off and adjust his gi, “Sorry about that by the way. I thought I had better control over it but it looks like I still have plenty to learn.” He grabs the fish by the tail and tosses it back over his shoulder, ”But I think it worked out well. I mean, look, I'm all dry now!” He tugs at his shirt to show you with a big grin.
You pat your chest in response and he was right. Your clothes are completely dry now, “Huh. Me too.” There's not a single sticky feeling of wet cloth anywhere on your person and all because he'd turned into a man shaped air dryer with glowing hair.
Convenient.
”Well, we probably should head inside, yeah? Staying out here's only goin' make you take longer to make some lunch. You haven't eaten right?” He leans in to look you over.
“Uh, no. I was doing the dishes when you got here.”
His grin gets wider, “Great! That means you'll be able to cook me up a snack before I head out again. I got some serious training to do before the androids get here and I don't wanna be too far behind everyone else.” With that he turns around practically skipping towards your house with a giddy laugh, “I can't wait to have some of your sushi again!”
“G-Goku wait!” You nearly trip trying in vain to keep up, the stones stinging your bare feet in your haste. If it were any other day you'd let him hop into your house and keep himself busy by training in the yard while you prepared whatever it was he wanted. But today was different, had been the moment he'd arrived.
So you stop him by grabbing his bicep just before he can cross the barrier into your home. As he looks at you with wide, confused eyes you hesitate, “I-I mean....Goku you. You just..” You stammer while he continues to stare at you, blinking owlishly, “Did you...I-”
“Can I?”
“Huh?” You look up, dumbfounded.
He watches you quietly, black eyes flicking from your flushed face down to your wringing hands, “Can I? Read your mind I mean?” When you only blink at him he clarifies, “You said you wanted me to ask first.”
“Uh...” He was right, but the real question was did you actually want him to. It was one thing to voice your thoughts yourself, but to have him actually in there while you do so sounded strangely intimate. He would, after all, get a deep look of what you think of him and everything you saw between you. What was scary was wondering how he would react to it all.
Goku must have noticed the concern on your face, because of course he does, so he continues, “I won't use it to pry, if that helps. I just want to understand what you're trying to say.”
And it's so unbelievably Goku of him to say, you think. An ability he could use maliciously and all he can think of is wanting to understand, that you find yourself giving in, “Okay. Just, give me a second to get my thoughts in order.” You sigh and fold your hands together in front of you, focusing on what you want to tell him but can't find the words. As you get enough of an idea you look up at him from underneath your eyelashes, catching how he looks at you with so much patience and kindness.
When he does set his hand on your hair you briefly marvel at the size of him once more. His palm covers so much of the top of your head, fingers curling over so gently. It puts you at ease again as his warmth seeps into you and with it, you let him listen.
To the sounds of panic you'd muffled when he went to Namek alone, disappearing without warning and leaving you behind.
How you worried every day until Bulma messaged you that he'd finally answered calling in about how he was doing mid-flight. And how upset you'd gotten when she said he was gone again before she could tell you about it.
The joy, the relief of him still being alive after it was all over. How you'd trusted him to return on his own, the peace that had come when Gohan had finally told you he was back.
That even with his absence in your life, how often he needed to train, how much he craved the next big fight—you still loved him. How the monkey tailed boy who ate you out of a job and still dragged you along into his next biggest adventure would always be in your heart.
And you wondered with all of today's events, if he meant what he said.
The hand on your head tightens slightly then lifts away. You're left standing at your doorway with your eyes blinking open, unsure of when they'd closed and missing the heat of his palm.
“I did. Meant every word.” He's smiling down at you again as your head snaps up to his, ”It took me a while to figure out what I was feeling and to be honest, I didn't get a straight answer out of anyone. At least until Bulma knocked some sense into me.” Another low laugh draws heat back into your cheeks, “It's why I didn't talk to you before leaving—believe me, I wanted to but after I talked to her I was too worked up to put it into words and I had to get to Namek as soon as possible. I hope you can forgive me for that.”
You nod, unsure of how else to respond to that, “I mean, it did take me some time to come to terms with it too, I guess. I've never been in love before so i didn't know what to look for. But,” You rub an arm, looking away, “After hearing you didn't want to come home after all of...this...I had some time to think about it and work through it myself. I just...”
You feel him lean in closer, the scent of fresh orange peels filling the air, “Hm?”
When you look at him he's barely a few inches away studying you closely with an innocent expression, but you can see how deep those black eyes go. It's not a simple look, it's him searching for an answer from your movement and behavior. So you smile, laughing under your breath, “I didn't think I'd fall in love with the boy who literally ate me out of a job.”
Those same eyes widen a bit before he's laughing with you, “Yeah and I didn't think I'd like someone as fiery as you since I'm around Bulma all the time. Though if you ask me you're prettier.” He turns around then as if he hadn't dropped the most casual backhanded compliment, waving for you to follow as he pulls your door open, “Let's go, I'm starving!”
You want to snap at him again, maybe bite his head off a bit for that. Instead you find yourself scoffing good naturedly while grabbing the door he held for you, "You act like you won't just eat everything in my pantry again.”
“I won't! Promise!” He's halfway into the house letting you follow in at your own pace. You can hear his steps tapping along the tile in your kitchen as you turn to close the door behind you.
"You say that, yet I've seen you eat flour out of a bag." You comment, rubbing your feet gently on the mat to clean off any excess dirt so you didn't have to sweep.
"I was hungry! And there wasn't anything else interesting to eat except for those boring salty noodles you eat all the ti-AH!!"
Your head snaps up at the sudden crash in your kitchen and immediately you dismiss the dirt to race in after him, "Goku!? Are you okay-" Just as fast you come to an abrupt halt.
Goku is fine, at least it looks like it from where you stand. He's laying on your kitchen floor, the fish making a slow escape as it slides across the tile away from his hand as he rubs his head. Slowly he sits up with a shake of his head, "Owww…..that hurts…aw now I'm all wet again.." Water and suds are splattered all over his back, mixed in with little white bits that shimmer oddly as he tugs at his shirt with a grimace.
Around where he sits are shards all over the floor. Glass shards. From the plate you broke earlier. That you meant to clean and didn't get to.
And this man was sitting in it, more concerned about being wet than the obvious health risk of falling back first into broken glass.
You can't help it. You burst out laughing. It's just so absurd how he's taking it like a minor inconvenience when for anyone else, they'd have hurt themselves. Meanwhile he probably didn't even have a scratch.
He proves you right by turning to face you with a pout, "Hey come on, don't laugh at me. It really hurt!"
"Goku-you-I mean you just-" You can't even begin to finish anything, laughing way too hard. He doesn't help at all as every time you look at him his sulking face sends you right back into the spiral, making you lean against the counter while covering your face as you try to pull yourself together.
-ba-thump-
-ba-thump-
Eventually you do control yourself enough to reach over for the broom sitting innocently propped against the wall right where you'd intended to grab it earlier, "Just-Just let me sweep this up a bit Goku." He watches you curiously, still a little upset as you brush aside some of the mess ignoring the streaks of water you leave behind. When you;re satisfied you set it against the counter.
Where he sits has his head level with your chest. He's just so cute looking up with his little miffed face you lean down to wrap your arms around his head with a laugh.
-bathump-bathump-
"Hey! I'm still wet-"
"It's fine. I don't mind." You press him close to you, his face nearly buried between your breasts. Of course he doesn;t seem to notice where he is as he rests his chin on your cleavage, staring up at you with a painfully adorable look of confusion, a light flush of pink across his cheeks.
-bathump-bathump-
You smile.
"Everything's perfect."
