Watching seasons 11 and 12 feels like I'm witnessing a culling

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Watching seasons 11 and 12 feels like I'm witnessing a culling
Criminal Minds was just way too emotional! It won't be the same without Derek! 😔
I honestly don’t know how to live in a world without Derek Shepherd
This episode doesn’t make sense... How does Meredith not call Amelia?? No way does Derek die in a hospital that is not Seattle Grace (Grey Sloan Memorial whatever) LIKE SHE DOESNT CALL AMELIA?? no way. She would have Amelia re-run every single test thats the way it goes... and she doesn’t let Amelia say goodbye?! No this show doesn’t work like that? I don’t understand this episode...
McDreamy
I hope someone makes a memorial video to Derek to the song How To Save a Life!
Goodbye McDreamy
Goodbye McDreamy, you once meant everything to me, just like MerDer did. I haven’t been shipping it for the last couple of years, and Derek has actually bugged me a lot the last two years. But I am stilly crying a billion tears over this. It is hard to explain why but MerDer and their love story were what actually got me really active in online fandoms for the first time ever... I had read lots of fanfiction before, and read boards and been in Danish fandoms... but Greys and MerDer got me in the English more active... I have read so many fanfictions for these two that I have lost count, I have read RPF for the two actors, and I have lost countless of sleepless nights over them, fanfiction, videos, pictures and everything for them. I loved MerDer so much, even now not shipping them for the last couple of years I as late as this winter spend a lot of time rereading some old fanfictions of them, my favorite ones, old ones that still are clear in my mind of some of the best stuff I have ever read.
Today I woke up to some texts, and some tweets adressed and tagged me in on actor departure and WTF Grey’s, and the texts of WTF Greys cries... And I knew it had happened Derek Sheppard had been killed off. The hint was there in the last episode, but I had somehow refused to believe it. Because even if I wasn’t happy with the ship or charcter anymore... the roots for MerDer is so strong in me it was unthinkable, it made me sad just to imagine it actually happen. Especially even more when I recently have started a rewatch of Greys.
Yes I knew it had to be that from the tweets and texts, and I started to cry. Yes I was spoiled about it, I guess that is Karmah for last year where I managed to spoil many. But all I could do right there was cry. I got up and in shock walked out to my Mom and told it to her. She was shocked as well. Like really shocked, her facial expression was one where her mouth dropped open. (She has watched Greys with me for years, and she loves Derek so much, and loves Patrick, I do as well I have a huge crush on Dempsey, one my mom and I share so we have more than once just sat and watched one of the movies he is in to droll over him.)
After that I went back to my bed to cry again. Now here I am on tumblr sharing my pain. It feels like something is broken, that it is an end of an era, the McDreamy era. Grey’s will be continued, and I will continue watching it isn’t that, it is that what Derek, MerDer and their lovestory did for me years ago is strong and it makes me so sad. Now everytime I reread old fanfictions I will remember the death of Derek. I will feel the sadness once again. I had never thought I would see this day, the death of McDreamy. I really had never thought so, or I would have prepared myself better, if that was even possible. I am not sure it was possible. Now I am feeling tears again. So I will end this, by once again saying Goodbye McDreamy, Goodbye Derek Sheppard, You will be missed a lot, but I will never forget you and what you did for me at a time, and watching the old seasons with you will be even harder now. However I wish Patrick all the luck forward.
NO LIKE SERIOUSLY I CANNOT STOP CRYING WHY DID HE DIE I'M DYING HELP HELP HELP
why the FUCK would Shonda Rhimes do that to us???????