Since It’s Coming Up To Halloween, A Good Time To Repost And Update This - Your Handy Goth-U-Like Reference Sheet!
Readers! Have you ever been stuck with trying to think of a Goth band your Gothophobic friends might like and thus give a chance at Halloween?
Here’s your handy cross-reference sheet courtesy of your super soaraway Mare’s Nest!
The Cure: People who still watch ‘Bagpuss’, play the American McGee’s ‘Alice’ series, think Tim Burton is the greatest animator of all time, 99.99999% of all Cosplayers, and people who like eating toast.
Sisters Of Mercy: Politics undergraduates, Guardian readers, people who when they get drunk will defend General Woundwort in Watership Down as a ‘misunderstood victim of events’, people who deny being Goth dusk till dawn.
The Mission: Harry Potter/Worst Witch/Doctor Who fans and weekend pagans who like cosplay. A lot. Those who think The Hobbit movies were better than the Lord Of The Rings ones even if they were less canon, and Captain Campion was a better Chief Rabbit of Efrafa than General Woundwort anyway ...
All About Eve: Fans of My Little Pony, The Chalet School/Mallory Towers/St Claire’s, essential oil baths with scented candles, and buying Amazon rainforest sized amounts of quaint writing paper which they never get around to using.
Die Laughing: See All About Eve and The Mission.
The Cult: people who like heavy metal but could do without the whole Dungeons And Dragons or pretending to be teutonic knights vibes. Also people who like tassles. Lots of tassles.
Merry Thoughts: Sisters of Mercy and Cult fans into Pokemon.
Fields of The Nephilim: ‘Sandman’ comic book fans, people who binge watch ‘Stranger Things’ and ‘The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina’, theology students, Spaghetti western fans, adrift prog rockers thinking ‘oh well, suppose it will do,’ actual pagans that haven’t gone down the all-out-and-listening-to-Fairport-Convention route yet.
Killing Joke: Science and Engineering students who read a lot of old school SF but regard the fanbase as boomer stoners. Those who fancy Geordie. DC Comic fandorks who only like them because it entitled their favourite Batman story. Star Wars fans who only like them because Mark Hamill played the Joker in the tortuous ‘film’ version of said Batman story.
Bauhaus/Love And Rockets: people who insist that all original classic horror movies in black and white are far superior to their colour remakes.
Rosetta Stone - Miserylab: people who insist all original classic horror movies in black and white are far poorer in comparison to their colour remakes - even the remakes done by Hammer Horror.
The Horatii: those who like old school New Romantic videos with yachts and marigold glove monsters.
Aurelio Voltaire: They Might Be Giants/Pinky And The Brain fans.
Marilyn Manson: David Bowie fans who wished he’d gone more hard rock.
Dronning Maud Land: Fields Of The Nephilim fans who liked the Monty Python movies and post-Python spin offs better than the TV series.
Forthcoming Fire: Retro 8-bit computing fans.
London After Midnight: rubber and silk perverts and people who still believe villains on TV/in film should talk in a silly croaky voice and cackle loudly at the end of every sentence.
Siouxsie and the Banshees: Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker era Doctor Who fans, people who like hanging around big f**k off sized museums, punks, anyone who likes the Beatles or their copycats. eg. ELO, Oasis. Also your parents and grandparents. Just keep them away from the ‘Join Hands’ album.
The Damned: Those who will defend to the death every single Addams Family reboot, no matter how ill conceived in plan or execution. People who think Captain Sensible is ‘funny’. Harry Potter fans who think Rat Scabies would have made a better dad for the Weasleys in the movies.