Lost Souls and Reveries (Part 18)
22 part AU written for @cssns. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13,Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17. Story available on AO3 Here and FF Here. Banner created by the amazingly talented @shipsxahoy!!
Killian Jones is a wolf shifter without roots, without plans, and without a pack. He’s a rogue, someone humans should avoid and shifters should be wary of given his lineage. But one night years back set him on a path he didn’t realize he was taking, a path leading to a future he is destined for. That future is tied up in one woman – a human named Emma Nolan. Together Emma and Killian will find not only answers, but a love that’s truly fated. But will love be enough to set them free, or will past demons win out in the end? (Answer: love always wins – I am writing this so despite some tiny pockets of angst it’s basically a fluff-filled insta-love fest). Rated M.
A/N: Hey everyone! So another chapter of ‘Lost Souls and Reveries’ is finally here, and this one brings… well a lot of stuff I don’t think any of you are expecting. We open in cuteness and move to an unforeseen complication, and honestly a lot of really heavy emotions. This chapter talks a lot about loss and about the grief that comes after you’ve lost someone you love. It’s heavy at times, but rest assured, we will get closure and we will end in a good place. That being said, if you’re worried about reading it and being upset, I am more than willing to answer any questions before, or tell you what you miss in this chapter so you can skip to the next one. The scenes I’m talking about will come in Emma’s POV, which is the second part of the chapter. Either way, I’m really looking forward to seeing what you all think of this installment, and as always, thanks so much for reading!
So this is what it means to be truly blissful.
Killian had thought the same thing a hundred times in the past week, and each time it was just as true. For seven whole days he’d had everything he could ever dream of. Liam had returned and there was renewed hope that his brother could find a second chance. The anxiety and fear that had long lingered in the back of Killian’s mind was gone now. Instead, Killian felt the certainty of hope. He believed with an unyielding conviction that Liam’s return heralded a new day for all of them. It filled the world with promise, and though life had been no less busy with his brother’s arrival, it was exactly what Killian wanted.
Despite his baser wish to hide away with Emma and revel in their still new bond to each other, his lovely mate had other commitments. She and her father did invaluable work at their clinic, serving the town in a way that couldn’t be avoided long term. Killian was proud of all Emma accomplished, and loved how much she loved what she did even if it meant their days were filled with some hours apart. In the meantime Killian had been preparing – working towards cementing his life here and helping Liam to do the same. While there was no need to work, Killian felt strongly that he and Liam should do something together, for that was what they’d always thought might happen when they were young. Killian also felt strongly that he wanted to find the perfect spot for his next chapter with Emma. There were many beautiful homes here in Storybrooke, but the hunt for the right one was proving a bit laborious, though Killian was more than up for the challenge. All in all they were adjusting still, but things here felt right, like this was the home Killian and his brother had always been meant to find.
Mixed in with all of this business and responsibility, there were also extensive chances for fun as well. Emma’s family and friends were great fans of barbeques and dinner parties, of bonfires on the beach and the occasional fireworks show and all of it was a welcome change to Killian. What a new feeling it was to celebrate a summer again, to revel in the lazier days, the subtle heat, and unfiltered sunshine. The sea this time of year was picture perfect, and he and Liam had found themselves there a number of times, reminding him of the good times they’d had as kids in England. He was reinvigorated by the freedom and connection that Storybrooke provided. He’d never felt such a sense of belonging or peace, and though each moment had been miraculous, none of them ever compared to the ones like where it was just he and Emma.
Right now was a truly quiet moment. While he had risen with the sun and the songbirds, Emma was still nestled up beside him, holding close even as dreams still claimed her. She was totally relaxed and indescribably beautiful, with her golden hair tumbling around her and the long, lean lines of her body intertwined with his. Emma was perfection itself, and Killian couldn’t tear his gaze away or keep from grinning at all of his good fortune. He didn’t know how long he stayed this way, luxuriating in the easy comfort of this moment, but soon enough the quiet was broken with sultry words from his lovely mate.
“How is it that I know you’re smiling, even without opening my eyes?”
The words from Emma as she stirred awake were thick but sensual, gripped with lingering sleep but filled with love and amusement. His siren might tease him this morning, but there was no doubt of her happiness at his unbridled joy, not when the first thing she did was meet his eyes and share a brilliant smile of her own. Her green eyes sparkled, and her lips called to him, demanding that he greet her with the kiss he’d been craving from the moment he woke up.
“You know because there is nothing in my life but goodness, now, love. I have you and so I have everything.”
“Everything?” Emma asked, her eyes filled with feeling as her fingers traced over the muscles of his chest.
“Everything. With you I have more than any man would dare to dream of. I want for nothing, Emma, as long as I have you.”
“Well I don’t know about that,” Emma said, her eyes heating up as her gaze slid down his body. He made no move to cover himself, knowing that the sheet that draped over them last night was no longer there thanks to the summer heat. His core muscles flexed unconsciously as a response to Emma’s eyes hungrily taking him in. They moved down his chest and his abs to the hard length that had woken him this morning. It was a given when he was allowed to hold his love all night long that he should always need her, but that need ramped up even higher as Emma licked her lips and her eyes shot back to his. “I think we both know there’s more you’re wanting right now.”
“Perhaps,” Killian said, pulling a surprised gasp from her lips and then a laugh as he moved above her quickly, but it turned into a moan as he moved his lips to her neck kissing her before he nipped at her sensitive skin. “But I can sense my mate is just as willing and desirous as I am.”
“Always,” Emma sighed out, her hands clutching to him and driving him mad as the love continued to grow between them. “I always want you. It’s never enough, even if it’s everything.”
Killian knew exactly what she meant when she said that, and so no more words were needed. What Emma wanted was action, and Killian was desperate to give it to her. He traced every beautiful line of her body and every erogenous place that drove his love wild with his hands and his mouth. He chronicled every sound she made, every arch for closeness, and every beg for more, feeling more alive as he brought her closer to the edge than he ever could outside of this space between them. He gave over to his instincts and his urges, feasting on the love of his life, and tasting as she came not once but twice. He’d have stayed there forever, blending Emma’s need for slow steady patience at the start that then became faster and more demanding, but his beauty had other ideas, bringing him up over her again before taking control and giving them both what they wanted. They chased a joint completion, crashing towards an all too blissful finish, and when Emma’s soft plea fell from her lips that begged him to come with her he was lost. He had no choice but to give in, and then revel in the glory that was their love made real.
“So, is it living up to all that you expected?” Killian asked when they’d both regained their breath enough to speak again. Emma arched a brow at his question and he couldn’t help grinning at her perplexed look. “The calm after the storm. This is the normal you wanted, isn’t it?”
“I would hardly call anything we just did normal,” Emma countered, pressing another kiss to his lips as a smile played at the corners of her mouth.
“What would you call it?” Killian growled, his want for her growing again even though they’d just sated this need a moment ago.
“I’d call it perfect or destined or fated,” Emma whispered, her eyes misting up a little in a show Killian knew was brought on by sheer joy. “Every day I think maybe some of this will fade, but it never does. I love you more today than yesterday, and I know tomorrow will be the same. It’s so much more than normal. It’s exceptional.”
There was no way to hear this and not immediately want to ravish her again. Where Emma had breathtaking words that mirrored his own feeling so exquisitely, he had physical response. He’d show her all over again just how much he loved her, but then a knock sounded at the door, and without even knowing who was behind it Killian groaned loudly. This prompted Emma to laugh, which in turn lit him up inside, but he resented the fact that whoever had come to see them was ending this moment for the time being. Emma got out of bed, finding some clothes to throw on and pulling her hair back in a tie as she mirthfully watched him where he still lay in bed.
“I think it’s safe to say you jinxed us. You said our life was peaceful, but you forgot, we don’t really do calm, quiet moments. At least not for long.”
“No I guess we don’t,” Killian said, admitting defeat and getting up. Before he went about clothing himself though, he brought Emma in for another kiss, taking delight in the way she went a bit breathless and the touch of pink kissed her cheeks as her eyes widened ever so slightly.
“I’ll get the door while you get dressed. There’s no telling who this is, and if it’s my Mom…”
“If it’s your mother, I’ve got roughly thirty seconds before all hell breaks loose. Aye, I know, love. I’ll get a move on.”
Killian took comfort in Emma’s laughter that reverberated through this home that he thought of as theirs. It was small, but it was bursting with life and with love, and Killian knew that while it wouldn’t be their forever place, he couldn’t think of giving it up. Someday soon, if all went as he hoped, Emma and him would marry and then grow their family, but he had enough saved away to keep this place and any other home they may acquire in town. Perhaps it was strange to think that way, but Killian had eyes set on the future, even as he and Emma shared an incredibly present.
“Elsa, are you all right? Did something happen?”
The words from Emma spurned Killian to dress faster and close the space between them. He moved hastily to the front hall, seeing that Elsa was not alone outside. His brother stood next to her, and behind them were Ruby, Graham and Anna. Not a one of them looked to be at all happy to be here, and Killian immediately felt the same sense of foreboding that his mate was grappling with. These were their dearest friends and family, and there was clearly something very wrong.
“I’m fine, Emma. Just tired, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“Elsa, I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know that’s not true. You’re more than tired. You’re shaking, you’re pale -,”
“Well technically I’m always pale,” Elsa joked, but Killian could see what Emma meant. Her friend was whiter than normal, and there were dark circles forming underneath her usually bright blue eyes.
“Elsa, you look like you’d topple over at the next strong breeze. What’s happening?”
“It’s my fault,” Liam said, his voice gruff with anger at himself and pain at his mate’s suffering. Killian’s brows knit together. How was Liam the cause for this? Surely he’d never willingly do anything to harm Elsa. He’d rather die than do so.
“It’s not, Liam,” Elsa attested, squeezing his hand as she looked at him with nothing less than full-blown love. “All of this is just a lot for my magic to handle.”
“Elsa’s essence and Liam’s are being tied together naturally,” Ruby explained. “Their mating bond has created a natural sharing of energy, but it’s not sustainable for it to go on this way. The sickness is strong, and right now Elsa is overextended.”
“So what do we do? How do we fix this?” Emma asked, ready to do whatever it took to help her friend. Killian pulled her back to him, and though she was still determined, Emma welcomed the gesture, pulling strength from him and his supportive presence.
“There is a way,” Anna said, her usually bubbly demeanor now softened and unsettling. Emma’s friend was quieter than Killian had ever seen her, leading him to believe the answer would not be a satisfactory one. “We found a spell in the family archives that essentially ties two lives together. Our great-great aunts used it when one of them was sick as a teenager. They blended their life lines together, making them both healthy for many more years. They lived together for decades, and ultimately passed together too.”
“That’s amazing,” Emma said and Killian nodded in agreement. It sounded spectacular to him, but also, Killian was guessing, very dangerous.
“It is,” Elsa agreed. “But the thing is, when we’ve done this, my magic will be severely limited. I’ll still have it, but it won’t be as strong.”
“Oh,” Emma whispered, but where she seemed to understand something new from Elsa’s disclosure, Killian was still at a loss. True Elsa had just recently discovered her gifts, but what was a little sacrifice when it came to securing a life long love?
“What am I missing here?” he asked, and after a moment of awkward silence, Emma filled in with her own guess.
“Elsa was going to help lift my block if I ever decided I was ready to be a shifter. She was going to do what she did for Neal with me.”
The weight of that came crashing back into Killian, and though he’d never forgotten that Emma was a hybrid of two species, he had allowed himself to forget that this was a risk she could someday face. He knew that Emma was unsure about what she wanted, but deep down Killian also realized the what-if would always stay with her. A part of Emma was a brilliant, vibrant animal, just as he was, and he knew first hand how hard it must be to not feel truly whole by not having an open connection with one’s wolf. As much as he loved her, and as much as she loved him, it would always be something missing if she didn’t rectify that rift. Killian grieved for Emma, believing as she did that Elsa was saying she could no longer perform such magic. But a not so little part of him was relieved that the choice had been made already and that Emma would not undergo such a potentially dangerous process when she was well and healthy right now.
“I still can,” Elsa said, prompting Killian’s heart to plummet. “It’s just… well the time table has moved up a little.”
“How much?” Killian asked, and Elsa looked at him blinking in confusion. “How much time does she have to decide? A few weeks? Days?”
“Hours,” Ruby replied.
“Hours?” Emma parroted, her voice flying up an octave.
“The sooner this is done the better for Elsa,” Ruby reiterated. “She’s only growing weaker, and she needs as much energy as she can possibly garner. Also, the moon is strong right now and the tides will be in longer than they normally would, meaning Emma’s wolf will hopefully be stronger too, even if she’s currently suppressed.”
“But you don’t have to do this, Emma,” Anna assured her. “If you’re not ready it’s okay. We can probably figure something else out. We can study Elsa’s memories more and maybe together Ruby and I can -,”
“No,” Emma said, halting Anna’s words and making Killian’s heart skip painfully again. “I’m sorry, Anna, I know you mean well, but it has to be Elsa. I don’t know why, but I just… know.”
“Just like you know that this is what you want,” Killian said, not needing to ask a question when he could feel Emma’s decision coursing through the link between them. She looked at him then, turning to face him and focusing solely on him. Her arms wrapped around him and he pulled her close, and though he was worried and so damn scared – more scared that at any other point in his life – he did everything he could not to show it.
“This isn’t just my choice, Killian, and I know that. I won’t do this if you think I shouldn’t.”
He was so close to saying just that, but Killian couldn’t take that choice from Emma. He loved her with everything he was, and sometimes love meant giving up one’s peace of mind in the name of their love’s happiness. He knew he could never live without Emma, and so her risking herself in this way was a risk to him too. But in the depths of her jade colored eyes Killian could still see belief that this would be okay. She was hopeful, despite the odds stacked against it, and because Emma’s hope had never served him wrong before, he chose to follow it again. He brought his hand to push away a strand of her wayward hair, his fingers running lightly against her cheek as he memorized her every feature.
“I trust you, Emma, and I trust in us. We’ve a lifetime ahead of us, and if you and Elsa feel good about this, then this is what we do.”
Emma’s eyes looked to Elsa and the two of them shared a nod of certainty. Killian felt his throat tighten at the choice, but he stood by what he’d said. He would follow her anywhere, even if it terrified him in every way.
“What do we need to do?” Emma asked. “Can we do it here? Now?”
“But Emma, your parents. Maybe you should…” Graham let the idea trail off, knowing that his thought process insinuated that Emma should be saying goodbye. That riled Killian up, and he stiffened up at the notion, but Emma put her hand on his chest above his heart to calm him as she responded.
“There’s no need to worry them. It’s going to be fine, and I don’t want to put them through that. After everything with Neal… they just should never have to face something like that again.”
“That’s your choice,” Anna said with a nod. “And we will all respect that.”
The group agreed, and things felt like they moved impossibly quickly from there. Killian’s nerves continued to fray as he watched Elsa, Anna, and Ruby get everything ready. It seemed that Elsa’s memories had given enough clues of how this worked to instruct some of their choices, but Killian felt lost and unhelpful at every turn. There was nothing he could do except support Emma and try to keep the terror he was feeling from showing and worrying his mate. When everything was finally ready, Elsa looked to Emma, another silent exchange between the friends telling Emma that it was time. For the first time Killian could see that Emma wasn’t as calm, cool, and collected as she’d been before. She was still certain this was what she wanted, but Killian could sense her fear and unease. Not knowing what would happen was a scary thing, but in seeing Emma falter, Killian felt his own courage rise. He had to be there for her to defend and protect her, and though he couldn’t do much, he could remind her that he loved her always, and that he’d be here every step of the way.
“I’ll be right here, Emma. There’s no need to worry. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Emma let out a soft laugh at his resolve, and then pulled him down by the collar of his shirt so he was jut a breath away. “I know you won’t. But trust Elsa, okay? If it looks a bit dodgy at any point you have to respect her choices. She’ll know what to do. Right?”
Emma looked to Elsa who nodded and responded with an immediate, “Yes.” This prompted Emma to finally be led to the couch, the place that Elsa had decided was best for the treatment. She lay back, closing her eyes for a moment, before opening them again and looking only at him.
“Don’t let go, okay?” Emma whispered, and though she smiled at him, Killian could sense her lingering fear. He swallowed harshly, fighting against his own emotion and nodded.
“I’ll never let you go, love. I love you, Emma. You can do this.”
With that Emma nodded, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, and then Elsa moved her hands to hover over her, and Killian and the others watched in awe as magic filled the room and the process of blending Emma’s souls began.
…………………
It was beyond difficult to act like she wasn’t scared shitless at the thought of submitting herself to such an unknown magic, but Emma did everything she could to hold on to her calm. It should have been impossible to do so, but the love in Killian’s eyes was so comforting, and knowing that he would never leave her helped Emma to push forward.
Closing her eyes and giving into this was a monumental task. Emma tried not to hyperventilate and to count the breaths she took. She heard Elsa’s words, felt the warmth of her magic, and eventually her mind evened out, settling into something more comfortable than fear. The sounds all around her faded, and Emma transitioned into a new state of calm that made her feel like things must be going okay. It could have been seconds or days that she stayed like this, but finally Emma’s consciousness told her to open her eyes again. She expected to see the ceiling of her and Killian’s home, or maybe the faces of the people she loved most, but what she saw instead was as beautiful as it was perplexing.
As her gaze took in her surrounding, the light she saw was too raw and too natural for her to be in the right place. It glowed like the first few moments where sun breaks through the clouds on a gloomy day. The gentle swirls of gold were lovely, but it didn’t fade as Emma blinked her eyes from the sleepy state of rest she’d just been in. When she saw the canopy above her she felt her brow furrow in confusion. She inhaled the air around her, sensing she was definitely outside, and that this wasn’t a trick of her imagination. There was the hearty smell of forest with the softest kiss of something floral. A cool breeze settled over the grass around her, and as she realized she was laying somewhere on the ground and not on the couch she’d started on she bolted up.
“Oh no,” Emma whispered, her eyes watering immediately as she contemplated what may have happened. Had she… no please, say it wasn’t so. Had she really sacrificed all of her happiness only to have it end so soon? She felt ready to crumble at the thought, when a voice sounded out around her.
“You’re not dead, you’re healing, becoming something new. It’s all right, Emma. Everything is going to be all right.”
The words came from a voice just shy of familiar, and Emma jumped at the realization that there was anyone else here at all. Then when she turned to find out who had spoken, she was struck by the sight of a beautiful woman who she had never seen before. This woman was a complete stranger to Emma, dressed in a flowing light green dress that danced in the slight gusts of wind around them. Her hair was curled and long, held back by a bold emerald ribbon, and the color was so dark it was nearly black. Her skin was fair, spattered with a few freckles that Emma could see even from this distance, and those eyes – she’d only ever seen eyes of that exact shade one place in her life, but that had to be a coincidence. Surely no one else in the world could have the same eyes as Killian.
“I don’t understand,” Emma said, not knowing how to formulate any other thoughts. The woman smiled, and again Emma was struck by the resemblance this woman had to the love of her life.
“Oh I think you do, Emma, at least to some degree. But let me clarify so as to spare you that impossible question. My name is Meera, Meera Jones.”
A physical bomb detonating in that moment would have been less jarring to Emma than that claim. At some level Emma knew it could be true. Just looking at this woman, the resemblance was uncanny. She could see Killian and Liam so acutely in her features, but Emma’s rational mind argued that it couldn’t be possible. Their mother was killed so many years ago, and seeing her while also being alive had to be, by definition, impossible.
“I thought you said I wasn’t dead,” Emma blurted and though she was mortified for a second, she was instantly soothed by the sound of genuine laughter. It was easily given, and though it was distinct from Killian’s, Emma sensed a familiarity in it, as if her bond with the man she loved gave her insight into this special sound he must cherish deep in his memories.
“You aren’t. You are still very much alive, but this is a plane outside of life and death, it just… is.”
Meera gestured at their surroundings, and though Emma took the time to look around again, tracking all of the wild natural beauty that was bursting with energy while still being still and tranquil, she noticed Meera didn’t do so. Her lack of interest in this otherworldly place interested Emma, and ultimately curiosity about the particulars of this meeting right now won out.
“But you… I mean, Brennan…” Emma blanched as she realized that hearing the name of her psychopathic husband/killer might upset Killian’s mother.
“It’s okay, my dear, you can say his name. Brennan took me from my boys too soon,” she acknowledged, and though the words were painful, it didn’t sound like Meera was carrying that pain any longer. Killian’s mother seemed calm and unbothered, as if she’d long ago accepted what her fate had been. It was an unexpected response, when Emma knew forgiveness must be near impossible when someone had wronged you so horribly, but the perseverance in this woman’s whole demeanor inspired her. She wasn’t devoid of feeling; she simply had stopped giving the evil actions of her husband any kind of power. “He had his reasons, at least in his mind.”
“But why? Just for revenge? Because you left?”
“No. In the end, his actions had very little to do with me leaving at all. It wouldn’t have mattered if I stayed or left. He wanted me gone forever, and he told me as much when he found me. I was always a means to an end, and running, in the end, gave me so much more precious time with my boys. Time I am incredibly grateful for.”
“It’s not right though. You should have had so much more.”
“I wish we could have, but the thing about dying is that you truly learn a lesson we’re all taught when we’re very young,” Meera said, pausing a moment before explaining to Emma. “You realize that life really does unfold with purpose. Things happen for a reason, things end in their time, and every pain and every heartbreak serves a purpose. It hurts you, it changes you, but it ultimately makes you, you. Brennan understood that in his own twisted way, and he thought that my death would push my sons towards a darkness not unlike his own. He hoped to take my boys and make them monsters just like him, and he knew that as long as I lived, I would never let that happen.
“But despite his best laid plans, Brennan ultimately failed, because he neglected to understand that a mother’s love is stronger than life and death. It doesn’t ever end or fade. It is eternal. I loved my sons from the first moments they knew life, and I will love them always and infinitely. Truly nothing could take me from them, and I’ve been with Killian and Liam every step of the way.”
“You protected them,” Emma said, knowing from the fierce love in Meera’s eyes that she’d done everything she possibly could from whatever kind of spirit world this was.
“In every single way I could, but even a mother’s love has limits. I hoped that time would heal all wounds, but for my boys the wounds seemed to get worse and worse, just in different ways. I’ve fretted over that for years, until you came dear.”
“Me?” Emma asked and Meera nodded, stepping close enough to pull Emma into a huge bear hug. Emma was surprised for a moment, but accepted the gesture, hugging this remarkable woman back not just for her but for Killian and Liam too.
“I’m sorry, I know I should have asked,” Meera said as she pulled back while shaking her head. “I just don’t know what else to do. You saved my sons – both of them.”
“I didn’t,” Emma said but Meera cut her off.
“You did. You opened my youngest boy up to love when he’d hardened himself to goodness on the whole. You brought him back, you made him remember,” she said, her words whispered with the subtle tone of tears. “I fought for years to be close to Killian, to guide him, to help him feel like hope wasn’t lost and like he wasn’t alone, but I couldn’t reach him. He closed himself off in order to survive, but when he found you he remembered how to live. In Boston you paved the way, and in Storybrooke you changed him for the better, and through your love you saved Liam too. My sons will be healthy and whole now. They will live long and lovely lives, all because of you.”
“You sound so sure of that,” Emma responded and Meera gave a small shrug.
“That’s because I am. Things work differently here. Fate is clearer, and she makes no attempt to hide. I’ve known since I came here how things would end. I held onto it every day – my impossibly possible dream. I knew that you would heal my family, just as I know that you will make it grow.”
“You mean like kids?” Emma asked, her hand absentmindedly moving across her abdomen as Meera looked to her totally flat stomach with a knowing smile.
“Your children will be beautiful and wonderful, Emma. They’ll be the perfect blend of you and Killian. And yes, some may be here a bit sooner than expected, but that just means more priceless time to love them. Don’t let any of it go to waste, my dear. It’ll never be enough, no amount of time can be.”
“I – I don’t know what to say,” Emma replied, her mind and heart both overwhelmed by all of this.
“You don’t have to say anything. All you have to do is believe that you and Killian have everything you need to walk this life together. You two can and will weather every storm. No matter what comes, you’ll be ready. Just think of all you’ve already done for your children without even knowing they would come.”
Emma nodded, appreciating that thought even though she was still stunned. Kids. She was going to have kids, and from what Meera was saying, it sounded like one – or maybe more – was already on the way. Was she okay with that? Yes, her mind thought immediately and she smiled at the way things were shaping up.
“I need to thank you, Emma. It’ll never be enough, no words ever could be, but I am so grateful for all that you have done. You believed in love and took the risk, and in doing so, you inspired Killian to do the same. That is no easy feat, but you rose to the challenge. I owe you everything, and I will always be in awe of all that you have done.”
“It was just as much Killian’s work as mine. He’s saved me just as much as I’ve saved him,” Emma confessed, and at this Meera smiled even brighter.
“You are partners, equals in all ways. Well almost. There’s just one last thing that needs doing.”
Meera motioned to the tree line and Emma saw the white wolf that had been in her dreams so many times before. The beast was beautiful and bold, unflinching and unafraid. Her fur was a silky, creamy color, almost white, but laced with a hint of gold. Immediately Emma started to walk towards the animal, pulled in by her presence in ways she couldn’t explain, she didn’t even have the space to think if that was rude to Meera. She had to go see this part of herself that had always been there, but never truly in reach. But when they were close enough to touch Emma faltered, wondering what it was she was meant to do.
“Listen to your instincts Emma, for there is where your wolf will meet you.”
Emma heeded Meera’s command as she tried to listen to her inner thoughts. She allowed herself to trust her gut, and to follow the eyes of the animal before her. Finally she nodded at the beautiful beast before her, and she stood unflinching as the animal charged at her, jumping at her but landing with no impact, instead dissolving into Emma’s very being. The moment that they blended together was transcendent, and aside from the moment that she’d first seen and bonded with Killian, it was the strongest lightening bolt of rightness that she’d ever been struck by. Suddenly Emma felt so much more and sensed the whole world around her in new and transformative ways. She’d internalized her gifts, and the world was an all the more glorious thing to behold because of it.
“Amazing! That was fantastic, and so much easier than it was with Neal.”
“Neal?” Emma asked, her level of surprise vastly outpacing what it had been even ten seconds ago when her wolf essentially crashed into her innermost being. “You know my brother?”
“I do, but let’s finish the task at hand before I explain why, okay? Best to settle the present before we journey back into the past.”
Emma agreed to give Meera time, and she listened with rapt attention as Killian’s mother explained to her what shifting was like and how to access her animal now that they were joined. She was a wonderful teacher and patient and kind when Emma faltered slightly, but soon enough it became second nature, and Emma felt the power and the pleasure of being connected to her wolf and in command of her shifter abilities. She sprinted at top speed, loving the complete command she had of her body. She fed off of the exertion, living for the feel of a hunt and the adventure of running through unknown wilds. She tried out her strength, jumped higher than she could have imagined, and learned so much that she knew was still only at the surface of her potential. Soon she was pleased with all of it that her wolf acted on instinct, howling into the open air and prompting a feint echo in the distance.
“You are a natural, Emma,” Meera said with glee as she clapped her hands excitedly once they’d shifted back to human form and returned the quiet calm of the field where they had started. “Killian won’t know what to do with himself.”
Emma was happy to hear that, and she knew Meera was right. Killian and her would get the chance to share so much, and in time share that gift with their own little ones too.
“But I know you have questions, and I promised to answer them. Ask away, Emma. I swear I will tell you everything I can.”
“How is it possible that you were there for Neal?”
“That was fate acting in her way,” Meera replied with a smile. “The night you and Killian met in Boston, you two couldn’t know what you were to each other. You were still too young, and mates must come of age to sense their bond in all its glory. But I knew exactly what you’d become to each other, and could see it all. I was curious to know who this girl was that was so right for my boy, and so I stayed with you. I watched you pull yourself together after facing such a terrifying moment and I knew then that you were strong and brave. Then I saw what life had given you so far and I understood that bravery had become part of the very fabric of who you are.
“Seeing your brother and the grief your family was facing, my heart broke for you all, and I knew I had to help in some way. I saw that the doctors couldn’t fix this. Neal needed magic, and you already had magic in your life, even if you never knew. I couldn’t believe how fortunate that was, and when I realized that Elsa was meant for Liam… well it was one of the happiest days I’ve ever known, experiencing all this newfound hope for my boys. I sent Elsa a dream that night, and low and behold she came. Then, when she wielded her magic on your side, I was here, helping however I could.
“It was admittedly much harder the first time around. Your brother was so young, too young to shift, and he had no idea about any of this. Explaining shifters to him was tricky. I didn’t know much he should know, and I had no idea how he could blend his shifter self with his human self. He was so fascinated by this world and his wolf was still just as young and excitable, and he and his animal ran and ran and ran. I think he was so sick for so long that running was a relief to him. I couldn’t bring myself to stop his fun. Lord knew he’d had so little of it those long hard months.”
Emma felt tears running down her cheeks as she held herself together at the thought. It made her so happy to think that Neal had had that experience because Meera was right. His illness had been so draining and limiting. Running must have felt amazing after so long spent in confinement.
“Does he remember any of this?” Emma asked and Meera smiled again.
“That I don’t know. I think he chalked it up to a dream, but knowing how smart Neal is, he could very well understand it all. I did tell him that this had to stay a secret and that when the time came for him to tell your family, he would know.”
“You never know with him,” Emma said with a laugh. “But we’ll find out soon enough when he comes home.”
“Yes, and there will be plenty to catch him up on. The story is hardly finished, but you just need to remember what I said Emma, it will all be okay in the end. You can handle this and everything still to come.”
Emma didn’t know what Meera was speaking of. It felt like she was being purposefully vague so as to not give Emma too much insight into the future, but as she reached out to touch Emma’s stomach Emma knew that her hint about babies had been a real one. Inexplicably Emma felt a stirring inside too, and she realized it was her wolf confirming that she was in fact pregnant already with her and Killian’s cub.
From there, Emma’s questions were a little less easy to respond to. Meera couldn’t give the particulars of how she’d gotten here or what things were like here long term. She could only say that unfinished business had kept her from being able to move forward. Until she knew that Liam and Killian would be okay, her soul would never rest easy, but that business was now resolved after years of uncertainty. Meera also shared that while Elsa had an incredible gift, this would be the last time such a spell could ever be wielded. Once she and Liam were truly mated the door would be closed, but since everyone who wished to be a shifter was now able to do so, and since all of Emma’s children wouldn’t suffer the remnants of this block, there should be no need for such an exorbitant magical showing. Meera than gave Emma some last tips about communing with her animal, and reminded Emma that while time was a great teacher, she already had all the same tools of a wolf at her disposal.
“Thank you so much. I couldn’t have done this without you,” Emma confessed and Meera hugged her close again before pulling back and wiping away a happy tear.
“You are stronger than you know, Emma, but it has been my pleasure to help you with this. I only wish I could do more, but time, I’m afraid, is not on our side.”
Emma knew she was right, and she was beginning to feel restless to return. She could only imagine how worried everyone was. She’d been here so long and it was time to go back. She couldn’t wait to get back to her life and embrace all the people she already missed to pieces, but she also felt a loss to say goodbye to Killian’s mother who had been nothing but wonderful to her.
“And what about you?”
“Me? I finally get to move on,” Meera said thoughtfully, looking to the other end of the field where they stood. In that corner the sunlight was strong, but Emma found her vision was hazy, and she couldn’t really see what lay beyond. It was obscured, but Emma could imagine that it was beautiful and serene. “Take care of my sons, Emma, and my grandbabies, and know that wherever I go next, I’ll still always be with them, and with you.”
With one final hug, Emma bid farewell to Meera, watching as she moved into whatever beyond lay in store. It was a bittersweet moment, but Emma chose to cling to the good. After years of limbo, Killian’s mother could finally be at peace, and though she may be farther away than she was before, Emma knew Meera and her love would never really disappear. Closing her eyes Emma quietly willed herself to be taken from this place too, wishing for the chance to go home, and when she opened them again she was delighted to find that she was back safe and sound on the couch once more.
“Emma!”
The chorus of everyone’s happiness at seeing her awake was the best kind of welcoming Emma could imagine, but immediately she got up and flung herself into Killian’s arms. He hugged her back, his relief undeniably washing over them as he held her close and murmured words about how much he loved her. It was too much for Emma, and all the emotions of the past few hours bubbled over into happy tears that quietly streamed down her face.
“I missed you so much,” Emma whispered and Killian smiled before kissing her surely.
“Missed him? You’ve been asleep for like thirty seconds. I know you love him, Emma, but that’s a little much,” Ruby joked. Emma looked over at her friends shaking her head.
“You’re not serious. I was only gone that long? God, it felt like forever.”
“Aye it did,” Killian agreed and Emma looked back to him as he continued his thought. “Longest thirty seconds of my life, and one I have no intention of ever repeating.”
“No, there’s no need,” Emma agreed. “It’s over now. I’m a shifter.”
“Well, let’s see then!” Anna said excitedly. “Show us what you got!”
Emma happily agreed, and as they all moved outside she wondered if she’d feel any pressure or worry about doing this. It was still so new, but Emma felt totally in control. She also couldn’t wait to see Killian’s reaction, and as she shifted before them all she got exactly the response she was hoping for. Everyone else commented on how amazing it was or how gorgeous her wolf was, but Killian was looking at her so intently, his eyes burning her from the inside out. Emma could sense that he was ready to pounce, and the image of him shifting and them being like this together made her tummy flip, but before he could she shifted back, knowing that she had to tell them all the truth of all she’d gone through before doing anything else.
Telling the story was difficult in its way, especially at first. Emma stayed close to Killian, holding onto him as she outlined what her time in the in between had been like and who was waiting for her. Throughout her retelling, Killian was still and silent, but Emma felt all of his shock and wonder and awe. Both Liam and Killian were astounded, but Elsa was the most vocal when confronted with the unbelievable news.
“I can’t believe that was your mother, Liam. She came to me in my dream that night. I couldn’t remember the particulars before, I just knew I had to get to Boston, but now that you’ve said that…” Elsa trailed off, her eyes glazing a bit as she recalled the memory. Liam for his part was holding her so tight, and he was clearly overcome with the thought that his mother had not only been watching him, but that she’d found a way to meet his future mate. “She was so beautiful, and so kind. She told me I had to get to Neal and to Emma because only I could make things right. She said my magic was a great healer and then she hugged me. When we broke apart she said she was sorry, but that things would be the way they should be soon.”
“Do you think she was talking about Mom and Dad?” Anna asked, her eyes absolutely watering as she made no attempt to hide her emotion. Elsa nodded, and the sisters embraced even as Liam kept hold of Elsa.
“They weren’t there with us,” Emma said, hoping to offer her friends support. “Which makes me think they must have already moved on to whatever comes next. They didn’t have the same anchors here, because they knew you two had each other.”
“And you,” Elsa and Anna said at the same time as Emma smiled.
“Yes and me.”
Everyone continued to ask Emma questions about all that had happened, but eventually the hour grew late and the day drew to a close. Emma, for her part, was exhausted, but more than anything she just wanted to be alone with Killian. He’d been so quiet since she revealed the truth of how her block was lifted, and she needed to be sure he was okay. So as soon as everyone left and they were in the house once more, Emma brought him to face her, and ran her fingertips against his jaw until his deep blue eyes met hers.
“Talk to me.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Killian replied honestly as his hands snaked around her, drawing her in. “You met my mother, and it turns out she has been protecting me all this time. It’s miraculous. But…”
“But even if she was there, you didn’t always feel it. You might not have been alone but you felt that way for a long, long time.”
“Aye,” Killian agreed, closing his eyes as he pressed his forehead to hers. “Maybe that’s wrong. I should only be grateful, and God knows I love her and I am thankful for all that she’s done. I just wish we had more. I can’t forgive as easily as she can.”
“And you don’t need to,” Emma replied with conviction. “All you need to do is what’s best for you. Forgiving your father brought your mother peace, but if it doesn’t for you, then don’t push it. I told her myself I found her strength incredible. I don’t think I could ever do what she did.”
“So you don’t fault me then?”
“Never,” Emma affirmed. “I know you, Killian. I know your heart. I know who you are and what you’ve been and I love every part of you. The light and the dark. We’re all a mix of both in our own ways, and I would never judge you for how you handle the pain you’ve faced in your life. I love you for everything you are and I always will.”
“Marry me,” Killian begged and Emma’s heart skipped a beat as she took in his incredible words.
“What?” she asked, hoping she’d heard right and knowing she had as he grabbed a tiny black box from the side table and then came down on one knee in front of her.
“Emma Nolan, I love you in ways that I can’t possibly describe. You are the sunshine of my life, the hope in the darkness, the beauty in everything I see. I am who I want to be when I’m with you. You’re my mate, but you’re so much more. You, Emma, are the magic in the world. You’re the calm in the storm and the peace that I’ve been craving. No one could ever deserve you, but damn if I won’t try every day to do just that. So please love, please say you’ll be my wife so that I may be your husband for this day and every day.”
“I want to say yes, but I have to tell you something,” Emma said, and immediately she blurted it out when Killian started to worry at her reaction. “I’m pregnant.”
The growl that came from Killian as he jumped up and pulled her in for a kiss took Emma’s breath away and she couldn’t help but meet him at exactly the same level of frenzy and passion. She could feel his joy pulsating between them, and eventually when he broke away from the kiss, his hand came to rest over the space that would soon swell with their child. His eyes were filled with so much admiration, and his voice was tinged with the sounds of genuine felicity.
“I will love you, this child, and every other we may have for this life and any others there may be. I’ll never stop, and I’ll never let go. It’s us forever, Emma.”
He slipped the ring on her finger without her even vocalizing that she would marry him, but for good measure she said what they both already knew aloud. Of course she would marry him, for marrying him was part of the big beautiful dream that was her life. And all she asked was that the wedding happen soon, so that she and her mate could have a chance to enjoy being newly weds before the impending joy of their new child graced their lives with even more beauty and joy and hope.
Post-Note: So there we have it. I know it’s kind of wild for me to have included Killian’s mother in this story in such a tangible way, and I won’t get into the details of whether she was a ghost or an angel or what, but I will say I have had this as part of my story idea from the moment I was first drafting a concept for this story. The magic Elsa uses which defies explanation had to be bigger than something from this world, and I loved the thought that though she was gone, Killian’s mother never abandoned him or Liam. I also tried to time this moment with some really good news, namely the baby on the way and an official engagement. Emma and Killian are definitively moving towards happily ever after, and now they have it all. If you can believe it though, there is still definitely more to come and I am so looking forward to what the next few chapters bring. Thanks again so much for reading and hope you all have a great rest of your day!