#graham squared

[nothingeverlost]

Graham and Grey’s Wedding

S’mores are made of two graham crackers - Graham Squared!

[nothingeverlost]

Fic: Dancing (Graham Squared)

I have a tiny little Downton Graham Squared AU and I had craving to play with it so @anonymousnerdgirl obliged me with a prompt.  Graham Squared at a club in New York, a la Thomas in the movie.

Triggers for indirect mention of abuse and period views of homosexuality referenced and internalized.

_____________________________

It had taken a year for Graham to be able to move from the chair to the crutches with regularity.  There were still days that were bad and the chair was the best option, but they were far apart now.  It wasn’t enough for Graham.  The next step was a cane, but Grey knew he wouldn’t be truly happy until he could walk under the power of his own two feet.  The trip to New York was supposed to help.  A new treatment, a new pair of braces, and a thousand other promises that doctors made about cures.  Grey hated them all.

“I’m going out.”  Graham had already declared that he was too tired to go to the dinner party he’d been invited to.  

“Where too?” They had a set of adjoining rooms at the hotel, the one that was Grey’s felt far too posh for the likes of him but if he protested he might find himself sleeping on another floor and that wouldn’t suit him.  Graham tended to leave the door open between the rooms and Grey certainly didn’t protest.

“Just out.  Friend told me about a bar.”  It was only a slight lie.  An old lover had told him, and after three weeks of doctor appointments and disappointments and sleeping only a doorway apart from the man he was in love with was wearing on him.  He needed something.

“I didn’t know you knew anyone in New York.”

“A friend of a friend,” he said with a shrug. He’d kept his secret close for more than two years now. 

He took a taxi to the docks, and started in one direction until the taxi was out of view before doubling back to the address he’d been given.  The outside looked like a warehouse, the cracks of light the only thing saying it was different than any other warehouse.  He knocked three times, and then after a pause three more.  A man in braces and an undershirt answered.

“Ta.”  The entrance looked deserted, just crates piled up and papers on the ground.  He could hear the music, though.  Once he rounded the corner he grinned; it was everything Patrick had said it would be.  There was music, a makeshift bar on one side of the room, and in the middle dozens of men dancing with each other.  His type of place.

“A pint, please.”  He started at the bar so he could get a feel for the place, offering in trade the strange Yank money Graham had insisted on giving him.  There was a bloke down at the bar that was eyeing him, and when Grey took a puff on his fag he thought that once he’d finished his drink he might go see just how interested the man was.  

“Grey.”  All thoughts of pulling the bloke fled when he heard his name.  There was only one person in this whole damn town that knew his name.

“Graham.”  He stood not far away, leaning on both crutches, the man who had been watching the door at his side.  Graham wouldn’t have known the knock.  He would be seen as a threat.

“He’s with me.  It’s alright,” he told the stranger. Nothing was alright, but the only person who needed to be worried was him.  Graham wouldn’t tell the police how to find the place.  He, however, was probably out a job and a friendship that meant everything to him.  “You followed me?”

“You seemed tense.  I was worried you might be spoiling for a fight.”  Graham looked around the room, the couples dancing, and in the darker parts of the room doing more than dancing.  “It wasn’t a fight you were spoiling for, was it?”

“We should go.”  it wasn’t the best area of town to find a ride, but they shouldn’t have to walk more than a block or two to get somewhere busier.  If he was going to be fired he’d rather it happen in private.

“You never said anything.”  Graham shifted his crutches forward and swung closer.

“Funny thing, but when word gets around that you’re a poof you have a hard time getting jobs.”  It wouldn’t be the first time he’d lost a job after his secret had been discovered.

“Have you always... I mean we’ve talked about women.”

“You’ve talked about women.”  Not often, but they were never Grey’s favorite conversations. He knew of at least a few that had shared Graham’s bed before the war.  None since, but that wasn’t a relief.  “I nodded and agreed as much as I needed to.”

“You could have…”

“What, told you I was queer?  Did you really want to know which of your upstanding visitors liked to have a bit of rough, and which weren’t bothered by a bent servant as long as he didn’t mind doing some extra time on his knees?”  He regretted the words the moment he said them, and downed the last of his pint to wash the bitter taste from his mouth.  “Do you want a drink?”

“I want to know who came into my home and dared treat you like that.”  The vein on the side of Graham’s neck stood out as he clenched his jaw.   His knuckles were white where he gripped the crutches.

“No one took what I wasn’t willing to give.”  Not in the house, at least.  They might have made him feel like a whore but they never took too much.  And if that wasn’t always the case Graham didn’t need to know about what he couldn’t change.  “It’s just the way it is.” 

“You could have told me,” he insisted again.  Grey lit another cigarette and took a long drag.

“I don’t have the best track record of staying places and I liked where I was.  When was I going to tell you?  Before you knew me enough to trust me? Or after when I realized that your friendship meant more to me than any man I’d fucked?  When you told me you were going to war or when you came back so angry I was worried every morning until I saw you were still with us?”  He’d found a loaded gun on Graham’s bedside table once and had been terrified that he wouldn’t even be able to hear the shots from his flat above the garage.  He wouldn’t know until too late.  “I didn’t want to leave Downton.”

“You think me finding out means you have to leave.”  The tension left his body and he looked down at the floor.  

“It changes things.”  They were practically sharing a room now, because Graham trusted him as a friend.  Trusted him to buckle his braces and carry him to bed on bad days.  How could any of that be the same?

“Things have changed a hundred different ways since we met.”  When Graham looked up at him again he seemed less sure of himself, but he wasn’t angry.  Wasn’t disgusted.  It was something.  “Why did you come here tonight?”

“Please don’t.”  For the first time he wondered if maybe he hadn’t lost everything.  It had changed, but maybe he could at least keep his job.  Having a little of Graham was better than nothing, even if the other man was more guarded now.  “You’re not a stupid man.”

“You wanted something.”  Graham’s steps were awkward as he moved closer, using the crutches to balance but putting more weight than usual on his legs.  

“I’ll help you get a cab.”  He wouldn’t come back, he wasn’t in the mood for an anonymous man no matter how much he needed to be touched.  But he couldn’t go back to the hotel tonight.  He needed to clear his head.

“What if I want to stay?”  Graham was too close now, less than an arms length away.

“This isn’t your kind of place.”  He’d seen Graham in ballrooms, leading beautiful women around the dancefloor.  

“What if it could be?”  The hand on his wrist felt like fire, the touch unexpected and too firm.  Impossible to escape.  “Would you say yes if I asked you to dance with me?”

“I can’t do this.”  He was frozen in place, the music behind him sounding like it was coming from another room.  Everything was too far away except for the man that was both too close and too far.

“Because you don’t want it?  Or because you want it too much?”  Graham’s hand touched his cheek and Grey squeezed his eyes closed.  He couldn’t breathe.  Couldn’t goddamn breathe. 

“Tell me no, Grey,  Tell me you don’t want this.”  His breath was warm and too close to his lips.  Only a moment and they would be touching.

“I…”  He couldn’t lie.  “I’ve never wanted anything more.”

When Graham kissed him he couldn’t stop a sob from escaping.  If he’d been wandering a desert for days he couldn’t have been more thirsty.

“I want to dance with you, Grey, but I’ve never tried with these damn things.”  Graham looked down at his crutches.

“We’ll figure it out.”  They’d figure everything out.

[nothingeverlost]

Graham squared witness protection

Oh my babies! Also this ended up being more of a 15 minute fic.

II

“Do you not understand the meaning of laying low?” It had taken Agent Humbert the better part of an hour to track Grey from the hotel room after he’d decided the man was taking an inordinate amount of time to smoke a cigarette out on the balcony. It wouldn’t have taken half the time if they’d been out in the woods, but the city threw him off. Fortunately it was only for the night before they were on their way again.

“I was going stir crazy, mate. Besides, whose going to look for me here?” Grey grinned as he lifted a glass filled with dark ale to his mouth. “Can I buy you a pint, agent?”

“No.” ‘Here’ was a very loud bar with a mechanical bull in one corner and antlers on the walls. The antlers, however, were painted in a rainbow of colors and were hopefully fake. At least half the men in the place were wearing cowboy hats and they were dancing with each other. Graham had never been to a gay bar before.

“Don’t give me that line about being on duty, agent. You’ve been on duty for more than 72 hours. You have to relax sometime.” Gray signaled the bartender behind him for a refill, times two. “You can relax a little.”

“If I relax I can’t protect you, and you wind up dead. My reputation suffers.” He’d only lost one protectee in his career, but it wasn’t his reputation he was thinking about, not when Grey was grinning up at him in that too friendly cheeky way he had. No, if something happened to Grey he’d... “We need to get out of here, and you need to stop slipping away on your own.”

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll leave here in three minutes, and I’ll go anywhere you say for the next day.”

“Great.” Graham ignored the proffered beer. “Let’s go.”

“In three minutes, I said, and you didn’t let me tell you what I get.”

“You get me, protecting you.”

“And as much as I love hearing you say that, I want something else.” Grey slid off the bar stool, the height difference between them more prominent. “I do what you want for 24 hours. In exchange I get one dance.”

“You want to dance with someone?” Graham didn’t want to admit that the idea bothered him.

“Are you really that clueless? There’s no one in the room that I’ve even noticed.” Grey’s hand was warm against his hip; Graham didn’t dare look down to see where they now touched.  

“I think I’ll take that beer.” It was stupid to say yes. And unprofessional. But he couldn’t say no.

“You can have anything you want, agent.” Grey handed him the beer, and allowed him a gulp before leading him to the dance floor.

[nothingeverlost]

In honor of Jaime Dornan birthday today may we please get a small graham squared drabble Mama Lost?

It’s been too long since I’ve written the boys!

II

“You know Emma’s got the shift this morning.  There’s no reason we have to get out of bed.”  Technically Graham had been out of bed already, but Grey was still asleep when he’d returned from his run and he’d spent twenty minutes curled up around Grey’s back before his boyfriend had started to stir.  Parts of Graham were stirring as well.

“I’m meeting Belle for breakfast this morning.  You know what an early bird she is.”  When Grey got out of bed Graham rolled over and sighed.  “You could join me in the shower, though.  Help me scrub my back and all that.”

Since ‘all that’ had a tendency to turn into lovemaking Graham was quick to take him up on the offer.  Not the lazy morning that he’d been contemplating, but anytime he had his lover in his arms it was a good day.

“Why don’t you come home for lunch today.  I’ll make a picnic and we can take a walk in the woods.  There’s a honey bee hive I found where the bees are collecting from the wildflowers.  It’s delicious.”  Graham pulled on his boots, figuring he’d take a hike since he had the day off.

“I’ll meet you here at half past twelve.  I have to be back before two, though.  I’m helping Henry’s class with a project.”  

“You’re busy today.  It’s nice, you know, that you are settled here.  You have friends and places to belong.  Selfishly, though, I wouldn’t mind having you all to myself today.”  It was a sign of his own security that Graham didn’t even think about the fact that they were standing out on the sidewalk and anyone could drive by.  He kissed Grey, leaning against the side of the car to keep his boyfriend from going anywhere.

“You can have me all to yourself tonight, love, and we’ll do anything you want.”  Grey ducked under his arm, winking as he pulled open the driver’s side door.

“Careful what you promise, you never know what I might decide we should do.”  Graham waited until he was inside before falling onto the couch.  It was stupid, but for the first time ever his birthday was something more than a date.  He was in a relationship, one of his own choosing, and he wanted to spend the day with Grey.  Instead it looked like he would be spending it by himself.

He did spend most of the day alone, Grey’s call just before noon letting him know that something had come up.  He couldn’t take time off for lunch.  Emma, at least, was able to meet him at Granny’s for a late lunch.  He didn’t tell her that Grey had canceled on him.

“So do you have plans for tonight?  Romantic date out?  Or are you staying in and letting Grey cook for you.  And I meant that in a kitchen and food sense, not a digging for details of your sexual exploits sense.”  Emma, done with the fries on her own plate, reached across to take a couple of his.

“Nothing special.  I guess it depends on what Grey’s in the mood for when he gets home.”  Graham shrugged.

“You guys didn’t...”  Emma’s phone rang.  Since it was her shift dispatch sent all the calls to her cell.  She listened for a moment, said she’d handle it, and hung up.  “Speak of the devil that was a message from Grey.  Apparently he has a flat tire, just beyond the troll bridge.  Want me to call Tillman for a tow?”

“No need, he has a spare in the trunk.  I’ll go get him.”  Grey didn’t spend much time in the woods unless they were together.  Graham wondered what he was doing.

“Such a knight in shining armor.”  Emma grinned.  “Guess this means I can finish off your fries.”

“No reason to let them get cold.”  Graham paused at the front desk long enough to pay the bill; it was his turn.

It didn’t take more than a couple of minutes to reach the bridge.  Grey’s car was only half a mile farther, though strangely all four tires seemed fine.  Just as strangely he seemed to be parked in front of Gold’s cabin.  “Hello?”

“Surprise.”  Grey popped up from behind one of the bushes.  Graham looked around waiting for other people to appear.

“There’s just me, love, though I can make a few calls if you’d rather a crowd.  Henry thought we should have a party to rival the time his grams was not guilty of murder, but I told him we’d save that for my birthday.  This weekend it’s just you and me.”  Grey brushed a clump of dirt off the knee of his jeans.

“Weekend?”  He had work in the morning.

“Emma’s got the shift covered, I traded her two field trips with Henry’s class as chaperone.  And Belle lent us the cabin.  There’s no reason we have to be back in town before Sunday evening.  I have enough food, and I packed clothes for the both of us, not that you’re obligated to wear them.  I’m all for a completely au naturel weekend, but it’s your birthday.  We can do anything you want.”  Grey held out his hand to lead Graham to the cabin.  The beginnings of dinner were simmering on the stove, kindly was stacked in the fireplace just waiting for a match, and the blankets on the single large bed were turned down.

“I love you.”  Graham felt the heart that had been missing for so long fluttering in his chest.

“Happy birthday, my love.”  Dinner and the fire were ignored for the time being in favor of the bed.

[nothingeverlost]

Downton!Graham Squared: "I'd be better off, Hughes, if you'd wheel me into the goddamn lake. So would everyone else."

"I'd be better off, Hughes, if you'd wheel me into the goddamn lake. So would everyone else."  Graham hit one of the wheels of his chair with a fist, in his frustration not even wincing at the pain.  At least it meant he could feel something, unlike his goddamn useless legs.

“I don’t think Miss Emma would agree, sir.”  He’d seen Graham’s little sister’s face when the telegram had arrived saying that he was missing.  She’d been able to show the emotions that Grey had been forced to hide until he’d been alone.  She’d also grabbed his hands and demanded he dance with her when they’d learned that Graham was alive, though in a field hospital.  “Nor would anyone else, I wager.”

“A dead hero on the battlefield would have reflected far better on the family than a cripple.  There’s David to run the estate, and Emma to present to society, and me, not even able to take a shit without assistance.”  Graham slumped in the chair, seeming to stare out the window, but really just removing himself from the conversation.

Grey opened his mouth to speak again, but the things he wanted to say ran a gamut of inappropriate remarks from ‘how dare you’ to ‘I love you.’  He took a deep breath, counted to three, and only then did he reach for the the handles of the chair on wheels.  

“Where are we going?”  Graham asked, his voice more tired than it had been a minute ago.

“Not to the lake, that’s for sure.”  if he had anything to say about it Graham wouldn’t be near any large body of water anytime soon.  He’d heard too many horror stories about the things men sometimes did when suffering shell shock.  The ten days they’d known Graham was missing had been a hell that had only lessened slightly when they’d learned he was in hospital.  He’d be damned if he’d loose Graham again, even if he had to spend the rest of his life hiding what the other man meant to him.

“I’d rather go to my room.”  Graham’s eyes were closed when Grey wheeled the chair down the newly constructed ramp out the front door.  it was still strange to use the front door, but he’d been assigned to take care of the young master after his return from hospital, and The Family always entered and exited through the front.

“Fresh air is good for you, the doctor said.”  Doctor Whale had been visiting every other day, though nothing so far had changed.  Grey opened the garage door and bypassed the rest of the cars for the Morris, covered in canvas.  It hadn’t been driven since Graham had left for war, since it was a two seater.  Grey had hated the thing when Graham had brought it home, fearing that Graham wouldn’t need a chauffeur anymore.  Now he’d give anything for Graham to be able to drive his own car.  “And if you come with me ow you won’t be back in time for tea.  The dowager is coming today.”

“I don’t know why you trouble yourself, Hughes.”  But Graham nodded his consent, and looped an arm around Grey’s neck when he bent down to pick the man up out of his chair.

“It’s no trouble, sir.”  Graham was tall, but Grey was strong for his size, and the young master had lost far too much weight in the last year.  It wasn’t hard to pick him up.  Grey held on perhaps a little longer than necessary before setting Graham down in the car.  It wasn’t the way he’d fantasized about touching the other man, but it was something.  He was, at least, of use to Graham.  “You’re never any trouble.”

It was as close as he could allow himself to get to telling Graham how he felt.

[nothingeverlost]

I was randomly thinking about Downton Abbey Graham Squared today.

I have this image in my head of little sister Emma finding out that Graham has a thing for the chauffeur.

[nothingeverlost]

anonymousnerdgirl Downton Graham Squared

[nothingeverlost]

Downton Abbey Graham Squared.

“Interesting lot you hang out with for someone so posh.”  Grey let his cigarette fall to the cobblestones and stomped it out with the toe of his new boots.  First new pair he’d had in over a year, thanks to the new job.

“I’m not blind to what’s going on, even if my father would like to think we live in the last century.”  Graham noticed the tear in his shirt and reminded himself that he’d have to make sure to put his coat on before he got home.  Mother would worry if she saw that he’d been in another fight.

“Not afraid of the working class rising up and taking over places like Downton?”  Grey shook his head, bemused.  “You have a bit of blood on your lip.”

“Maybe they deserve it.  It’s only luck that I was born upstairs.  I’m not the one that’s up at four in the morning to run the household.”  Graham dabbed ineffectively at the blood dripping from his nose.

“I can’t imagine anyone else abovestairs agrees with you.”  The handkerchief in Grey’s pocket was a wrinkled mess, but he took it out anyway.  It was stupid, to let himself lean in close enough to clean away the blood, but he’d always been one to take foolish risks.  “That’s a bit better.”

It was definitely foolish not to step back right away.  He needed to remember that he was a chauffeur and Graham was The Family.  Even if class and country didn’t separate them Graham - Mr. Nolan’s - liberal political leanings didn’t mean he’d be interested in attention from a poof.

“I find myself caring less and less what my family thinks.”  Graham didn’t move either, and the darkness coupled with the fact that they were completely alone made Grey think things that were more than stupid.  

“We should be getting home, Mr. Nolan.  We don’t want to risk getting stuck on these roads once it’s full dark.”  He needed to clear his head, and driving was something to focus on.  The fact that the rest of the staff didn’t welcome him meant he could take his food to his quarters over the garage when they got back, as well.

“Hughes, I…” Graham shook his head.  

“Sir?”

“I’ll return the handkerchief after it’s clean.”  He stuffed it in one pocked.

“Yes, sir.”  Disappointment flooded him.

“You could call me Graham, if you wanted.  At least when it’s the two of us.”  Grey might have imagined it, but he though that Graham’s fingers brushed against his hand.

“Yes s… Graham.”  It was, perhaps, a start.