been in lost of inspiration and experiencing a sort of burnout, so frequent posting might have to wait, for now here's a dump of sketches, doodles, and unfinished stuff
TRIGGER WARNING - this discusses the first five minutes of st5 that was recently shown. sa and graphic imagery.
SPOILER WARNING - first five minutes of st5 discussed.
how do i even collect my thoughts?? how do i just form coherent thoughts after that?? how do i?? what??
we finally got a glimpse into what will's time in the upside down was like. but at what cost?
in that specific shot towards the end where will got the vine shoved down his throat, we can see a tear roll down his cheek. a fucking tear. are you serious?
if anything, that shows to me that he was at least HALF conscious. and even the thought of him being HALF conscious when that happened SICKENS me.
my quality is shit but you can clearly tell the tear that rolls down is there. it is THERE because he FELT himself get VIOLATED.
everything about the upside down and vecna himself just screams SA metaphors. a vine? if thats not obvious enough, then oh my god.
the idea that will created the upside down himself and made it his home because he wanted to go home is even more horrifying to think about after this scene.
all his struggles in life - his abusive father, him being outcast by society for being queer, him feeling like a mistake and so many other things, all culminated in this version of the upside down. hence why the upside down is soso fucking terrifying.
and now, he gets violated. his boundaries are broken. a piece of himself is taken - both literally and figuratively. he gets assaulted in this fucked up place because all his previous trauma comes back to haunt him. he knows this wretched place will never ever be home, but he wants to be home soso badly. so as one last "fuck you" he gets served a reminder that the upside down is NOT his home and it never WILL be.
he gets a foreign object shoved down his throat. he has to feel it invade him, he has to feel whatever fluid is being pumped into him whilst also being caressed by a slimy, bony, foreign hand. he has to feel how his control is being taken away, to make him remember that he isn't home. he's not safe. he's not okay.
it's all FOREIGN. it's all UNKNOWN.
"such beautiful things.." are you fucking serious??
he's terrified. he's hyperventilating, choking. his eyes are rolling back. he manages to squeeze out one lone tear, this one singular part of him that IS still in control and he chose it to convey the horror he's feeling at that moment. he chose it to cry. oh my god. will byers, i'm so sorry.
this was FUCKING SICKENING TO WATCH. he was a target, he always has been and he WILL be a target in season 5. he WILL be forced to relive his trauma. he WILL be once more at the preying hands of henry creel. his mind will immediately go to this scene, where he felt himself get so ruthlessly violated and all he wanted to do was scream. he was choking. fucking choking. on a slimy vine that is pumping shit into him from a familiar yet still foreign place. he had to hear how this creature had plans for him. had plans for the both of them to do beautiful things together. he had to feel that creature forcefully throw a vine down his throat. he had to feel it all.
idgaf about whatever sad backstory shit henry has, i WILL be throwing hands at henry stans thank you.
the first five minutes are so crucial to understanding will's character. i firmly believe that there have been signs of his horrible time in the upside down and how it STILL affects him emotionally. i'll be looking out for this on my rewatch. but holy shit.
and despite all this, despite all his fucking torture and struggles that he's had to go through, he STILL chooses to be good. he chooses to be selfless. he chooses to be kind. he chooses to love. he chooses to fight back even when he's tired. and boy, is he tired.
will byers, you will forever be such a misunderstood character. but the more we learn, the more we learn about you, and how you still are this amazing character with complex feelings but with a heart of gold, the more we understand you. the more we wish for you to finally heal. this short 5 minute scene has already made so many new people sympathize with you - imagine how season 5 will be.
this scene was horrific and sick and horrible to watch because i felt every single part of me tense up the moment he started choking and gasping at that vine.
the entire upside down and the MF and all the shit that comes with that is such an allegory to SA that i won't even be surprised if SA is revealed to be part of will's backstory. vecna knows people's fears. he knows what exactly to do to make people fear and cry and scream and sob.
season 5 will start with anguish. torture. grief. tears. but it WILL end with healing, it WILL end with will finally taking a piece of himself back as vecna is defeated. it WILL end with will finally having a goddamn break. it WILL end with will reclaiming a part of himself that was lost on this fateful day on november 12th, 1985. and yes, it WILL end with him getting his fucking man because he deserves it. he deserves to feel love that respects him and his boundaries.
from day one since i've started watching this show, i've always loved you. im so sorry will.
"Pregnancy is traumatic!" "Abortion is a better option!" Is it? Is it really? Abortion can be just as traumatic as a pregnancy, and a lot of things can go wrong, just like any medical procedure. I heard a story of a woman who had an abortion. She was bleeding severely. Her mattress was soaked. The doctors at the abortion clinic told her it was normal. She decided to go to the ER, where they found her pancreas was never removed and rotting in her body, spreading infection into her bloodstream. She couldn't file for any legal action because prior to the abortion, they made her sign a waver, saying they weren't liable if something went wrong. Also, I find it ironic that with a quick Google search, you can easily find the death rate for pregnancies but not abortion. A bit fishy is you ask me. If abortion is so much better than pregnancy, don't you think that abortion clinics would be rushing to spread that information with the statistics to back it up? Also, as a woman myself, if I was looking to have an abortion, I would like to know the statistics. But no. I should just blindly trust the abortion clinics ig /sarc. Abortions are cruel and traumatic. They are not the answer.
It was one of the cave halls in the Daisy - usually well lit by electric lights, now barely kept aglow by lanterns. Ivy was barefoot, and the floor of the cave was damp. She didn't know what with. She walked slowly, moving forward and peering out.
"Where...hello?" She called. "Is anyone there?"
"Ivy?"
"...Mitzi!" Mitzi looked stressed - her hair was a mess, her body shook, her heartbeat visible in her neck. She huffed, and held her arm.
"Ivy, you have to leave."
"What...why? What's going on, where are the lights?"
"Please, you just have to leave - Viktor is waiting for you."
"What's going on!?"
"Please, just..." Mitzi heard something. A bang. She scurried away. Ivy called after her. "Wait! What...what are you running from!?"
She ran too fast. She didn't know where Mitzi had even run off to. She headed towards the exit, but got lost in the catacombs of the Daisy. She never got lost before, but it was hard to figure out just what was going on. She walked the same path again and again and-...
"...this is...this is just a dream. Has to be. That hallway doesn't go that way." Ivy nodded. "It's a dre-"
"MISS PEPPER!"
"Rocky!"
"What are you still doing here? How did you escape?"
"Escape?" Ivy peered at him. "Escape...escape what?"
"I...you didn't-" Rocky shook his head. "Where's the hole?"
"What do you mean!? What's going on?"
"It's Mordecai, he-" Rocky huffed. "I'm talking to a ghost. I'm seeing things, now. This has gotten out of hand, it really has, I-" He huffed. "I have to run...I gotta get out of..." He ran off.
"Ghost?" Ivy kept running. The caves got darker - the lanterns fewer, and the ground more damp - she felt the dampness turn to puddles, turn to ankle deep...something. She wasn't sure what. It felt like water. It was too warm, though.
She kept hearing footsteps behind her, squelching through the damp hallways. She began to run from them, and felt her heart race. She stopped at the entrance of a chamber...
She heard a pained moan - a familiar voice. She headed towards it. "Freckle, is that you? Calvin?"
She saw him, there, clutching his stomach. She swore he didn't own a red sweater like...that...
"Oh, god!" She cried out. "Freckle, what happened!?" She knelt down, and put her hand on his shoulder. He sputtered.
"...is it warm?"
"Is...is what warm?"
"...death...is it cold? Where does it take us?" He looked at Ivy.
"...Calvin, no, no, this isn't-...you're gonna be just fine." She knew this was a nightmare - it had to be, it just had to be. She knelt down, the floor still flooding. Calvin looked up.
"I saw it, you know. I saw you leave."
"Calvin, I...I'm right here!" She held him close, his head clutched to her. "I'm right here, feel me? I'm not gonna leave you..." She smiled, gently, trying to comfort him. She knew it was a dream, she...she knew...
Calvin smiled. "...I wish..." He fell limp. Ivy sat there, looking down, her fur and paws and dress stained with blood.
She heard footsteps in the wet hallway. She looked up. She saw...Mordecai. He looked confused.
"...I thought I'd killed you."
"Why would...you promised you wouldn't." She said.
"I made a lot of promises I didn't keep."
He pointed the gun.
-
"NO!" Ivy shot up, sitting in her bed. She looked around the room, the record player still spinning in the center of a record. She took a few deep breaths. She looked at her hands and fur. "..." They were clean, if a bit matted with the shape of sheets. She scrambled to her phone, and rung Calvin.
"...Hello?"
"Calvin? It's Ivy."
"Ivy, it's...2 in the morning. What do you need?"
"I just...had a bad dream." She said. "I wanted to hear your voice."
"Oh...of course." She heard him grunt and sit up. "What was the dream about?"
Ivy blinked. "Uhm...well, truth be told, I've been having these awful nightmares about...the Daisy."
"Oh?" Calvin sighed. "...me, too. Tell me about it."
