Man, i am sorry i am mostly venting. What i am supossed to do to avoid being pregant then? Cant get an abortion because it is wrong. Cant get an IUD because it similar to abortion. Are my only options fucking my body even more with hormones or relying in barrer methods that fail a lot? I need to live a goddam sexless life? Force myself to do sexual acts i despise such as anal just to prevent that me, a person with a uterus, gets pregant? How do i win?
This ask is from back in February I’m very sorry it took me so long, my chronic pain has been limiting my capacity severely. I am on the asexual spectrum and probably the worst person to ask this, but I’ll do my best.
Not being able to find partners who take the possibility of creating other humans seriously is like people who don’t take getting STDs from sex seriously, it’s maddening. The condom use that came out of the AIDs crisis has dissipated severely, and that’s a huge problem.
It’s not wrong for you to want sex. It’s literally the number one evolutionary priority. It’s also so much worse to want sex when you are not a cis man who by and large face absolutely next to no responsibilities in their sexual relations. My grandfather never paid my dad or his mom a cent their entire lives despite owing as much child support as one can possibly owe.
This is the worst part, but just hear it, under patriarchy, you DON’T win. That’s the point. It’s why the abortion industry got a foothold in feminism and women’s rights, that although through some effort companies are scared, you can still be fired for being pregnant, and there’s no mandatory maternal leave. It’s why birth control is expected of you and not men even though it destroys your cycle and hormones and has a slew of other awful side effects. It’s why my grandmother had my dad dirt poor, while my grandfather did whatever he wanted for decades. Society is structured so you lose. It is beating you at every level of your life, expecting you to lay down and take it, and that’s by design.
You’re upset in the right place and in the right way, it has been made so everything about having female reproductive organs sucks, and on purpose. I want you to know you are not paranoid. This system wants to work you to the bone or kill you as a write off. How do you win? It’s more how do you live. How do you survive to rebuild a system made to exclude you from security, comfort, wealth, health, influence, dignity, basic respect? We’ve been at it for more than a hundred years.
A life without female male penetrative sex does not have to be sexless. If that’s the only sex you like, fair, that’s the only sex you like. Look into the advancements in male birth control. Barring some conditions, the rhythm method works, my mom has used it for more than 25 years. Doubling up is better. Multiple forms of contraception. There are plugs and spermicide and likely things you haven’t looked into. I want to make it clear, no one should judge you if you use all of them that are combinable. If you use a condom, spermicidal lube, track your cycle, and get Plan B after, anyone who wants to look at you funny should be socked. You don’t want to get pregnant. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing as many things as you can so you don’t get pregnant.
You’re right, I can’t recommend IUDs, though not just because they harm zygotes, they are absolutely terrible and it would take up this entire response to get into why, but I can summarize by saying “doctors don’t act like women feel pain” and leave it at that. I know people younger than me who’ve snipped. If you can and want to, go for it. This is all I recommend this subreddit for, r/childfree can help you find someone who asks no questions. It’s your body, you don’t wanna share it, disable the roommate maker. We as humans have this annoying ability of just making more of ourselves. It’s a terrifying thing for your body to just be able to do. Thankfully, we’ve have got ways to stop it, even if the options are almost as annoying and difficult.
If history is to be believed sexual freedom comes with female freedom, and we have gotten to own property and vote and divorce and many other things, hopefully we can have safer and responsible sex without fear soon too. You’re rightfully angry we don’t already.
If my answer is insensitive, I’m sorry. I sincerely hope you can have the sex you want without the terrible pain of going against your values or harming another. You deserve that.
Feel free to vent anytime, I hear you.
