gratitudes
1. moxi is here
2. i still remember fox’s voice, mannerisms and everything good
3. i still love my own eclectic music tastes, no matter how niche it was never anyone else’s but my own, i just simply miss the excitement of sharing and amassing new favorite musicians and maybe you enjoy some of it too
4. despite everything as my fighting game friend explained, i’m actually better at things than i think i am, complimenting the instincts and timings and some combos i was able to pull off
still, this can be extended to my ability to draw, write, play instruments, everything i ever discredited myself in
5. i got to try this flavor of coffee ice cream i wanted to try and made myself chapaguri today
6. a friend passed through, thought of me and wants to hang out again
7. i got to watch someone tell me stuff they were interested in, and they got excited when i mentioned clamp and cardcaptors which is just really important to me.
8. in a barely awake state last night had the opportunity to write and release emotions i just didn’t want jostled around in me anymore
9. i’m making good friends in someone locally who wants to play the same niche fighting games i’m into
10. i got to meet someone locally that has similar tastes in manga and that feels important to me
11. Moxi’s eyes dilate whenever we look into each other’s eyes, it’s the only biologically designed physical feedback that can show me that she loves me, which my troubled mind sometimes finds hard to believe because i’m always wanting to give more than i can
12. i got to write a list of gratitudes
13. lately i feel jokes and poetics flow through me naturally and i feel good about them
14. i am lonely yet somehow lonely for the earlier lonely times i lived through which is ironic because back then, those people those states wouldn’t accept wanting to live
i want to live i just am burnt out on prolonged pain that’s all
15. i am lying on the floor and i know through it all, i still love myself very much and even these contemplative states aren’t times wasted, actually necessary for me to process a lot of information
16. music is very beautiful and shoegazey post punk still relaxes me had a quick moment of rest as i contemplated my gratitudes
