"i love you"
━━ ˟ ⊰ i love you, i hate you; rp meme. // @gravtons
Light leaking away from his eyes as those words came out; what was he to say? That he loved Chuuya back? He could not do that, Dazai knew that would be a string Mori would use against him- could Dazai tell Chuuya that? No. Osamu hated that he was still being played by Mori, that Mori still got in the way of his true happiness. Osamu knew that having any bit of happy would be ripped away from him, it wouldn’t matter who got hurt or broken. The taller males fingers ran along Chuuya’s left shoulder, the prick of guilt rushing into his bloodstream.
A finger linked with Chuuya’s shaking it; but not letting go- a daring touch that he really shouldn’t be doing but he couldn’t help himself from going ahead with it. Dazai knew Chuuya was far from one to let the likes of Mori control him, Chuuya wasn’t likely to get hurt- the god inside helped with that.
That was the numbing part, Osamu wanted to die and he knew that would be near impossible around Chuuya. Dazai was selfish, he didn’t care if things took control with Chuuya and the whole of Japan was destroyed- but that would be breaking what Odasaku wanted and even in Osamu’s selfishness, could he really die knowing that Odasaku would be disappointed in him? No.
Dazai leaned forward lips touching Chuuya’s forehead, a gentle smile pressed on. “You really shouldn’t love me,” he muttered- saying it back? Unlikely. Love is an emotion that he numbed away, a feeling he killed from his system, even if he truly wanted to love Chuuya back- he didn’t want to lie and not mean it to the other, Dazai wasn’t that unkind.
