p1 hey, so I'm grayromantic, and I identify on the aro spectrum, and I just wanted to say that I'm not identifying as such so that I can "feel oppressed" (I am queer, trans, disabled, and low income - I'm all set). My whole life, I thought I was broken. I never got a crush, never understood "that feeling," and never even began to want anything romantic. It never even crossed my mind. But I had romantic feelings for one person in my life. We were in a two and a half year relationship, and I would
p2 constantly ask her "how is this different for you then a really close friendship where we have sex?" I hadn't even heard the term aro yet. I did feel romantically towards her, but I never understood it. I became obsessed with what defines romance, constantly asking all of my friends. We aren't together anymore, but since that time, I have never felt romantic attraction for anyone else, idk if I ever will. People like me exist, and going out of your way to say that we haven't experienced
p3 feelings of aromanticism can be really damaging. When I found the label, it just fit. I have valuable contributions to discussions, valuable lived experiences, and a place in this community. Finding this community was incredible for me because it made me realize that I'm not broken. I understand where you're coming from, but I would like you to reevaluate it. I'd be happy to come off anon and talk to you more about my experiences. You are hurting real people, please consider this. That's it.
I'm sorry if i came off that way. Grey-romantic experiences are certainly real. Compulsory romance/marriage is a terrible thing, and all of us should be able to talk about it together in safe, feminist spaces. I'm really glad you found people like you, and have come to the wonderful realization that its okay to not have crushes all the time, or to be not romantically connected to most people you like, or even anyone at all.
But aromanticism is not a feeling. Romance could maybe be described as such, but aromanticism is not. It's a lack of romantic attraction, a desire to not date ever. Like, im serious when i say ever. Never ever.
You, personally, may never date again, and you may never have romantic feelings again, but you are certainly capable, which makes your life experiences much different from mine. We may have some similar experiences, but we're still fundamentally different, and i want to be able to talk about that stuff without being interrupted by "but what about [romantic spectrum identity]". I want to be able to connect with other aromantic people and not have to worry about romantic ppl in disguise. Im sure you understand what its like to have romance shoved into everything. Please lend me some compassion.
Your hurt is real, as is mine, but yours doesnt trump mine, and it doesnt need to. We can all connect, aros and greyros, on this site, without stepping on other people's toes. And i ask that you, and everyone else here, help me do that by keeping romance out of aromanticism. It doesnt belong and never will.
You have your huge greyro community here. Please appreciate that and leave my tiny, dying community alone.